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Substance Abuse
Just beginning to accept the reality that I was played
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745756" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Jenna. I am so very sorry. Your situation is so very hard, with the new baby and your 11 year old granddaughter. </p><p></p><p>First let me say this: Your daughter has lost the past 17 years of normal development and maturation, and then some. I would guess that the drug use actually made her regress to an even younger psychological age than when she began. (I made that up. So don't take it to the bank.) And then there are the effects of her lifestyle as she lived as an addict. Thousands and thousands of attitudes and decisions and experiences that accrued to her personality and character. By nearly all of her acts, she reinforced the worst of what a human being can be instead of getting better. </p><p></p><p>While people can change, after stopping drugs, it takes work. If she is still acting like a druggie, she will maintain that character, regardless of being clean from drugs. AA has a term called "dry drunk." It means that somebody has stopped drinking liquor but maintains the mindset, the behaviors, the values, the defense mechanisms of an addict. </p><p></p><p>This sounds like your daughter. It does not mean she can't change. But she needs to want to. All she has done so far is quit the drugs. This is the first step. </p><p></p><p>But the other thing is this: drugs affect the brain. And the effects of many drugs last much longer than the half life of the specific drug, because of neuro-physiological changes that drug use causes.</p><p></p><p>I think the least important thing right now is what she does or not; how she acts or not. The important thing now is you protecting you--from her. </p><p></p><p>I am going to start going to Al Anon, which for those who may not know, is the group for family members, partners of addicts and alcoholics. Why not think about going, too? </p><p></p><p>I want to let you know how badly I feel that she is mistreating you. She has been acting like a very bad person. I've said it before here many times. I worked in prisons. I saw people change who had done horribly bad things. Even people who had bad character, independent of drugs or alcohol, decide one day to change. </p><p></p><p>Psychology in many ways is a misguided way of thinking. Because it has a very hard time explaining, people deciding to change, when there is nothing in their past to explain it. But people all of the time, for as long as there have been people, have turned away from bad and destructive behavior, and towards the light.</p><p></p><p>But they are the ones to decide to turn. We cannot make them. We can love them but we can't let them hurt us. I am very sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745756, member: 18958"] Jenna. I am so very sorry. Your situation is so very hard, with the new baby and your 11 year old granddaughter. First let me say this: Your daughter has lost the past 17 years of normal development and maturation, and then some. I would guess that the drug use actually made her regress to an even younger psychological age than when she began. (I made that up. So don't take it to the bank.) And then there are the effects of her lifestyle as she lived as an addict. Thousands and thousands of attitudes and decisions and experiences that accrued to her personality and character. By nearly all of her acts, she reinforced the worst of what a human being can be instead of getting better. While people can change, after stopping drugs, it takes work. If she is still acting like a druggie, she will maintain that character, regardless of being clean from drugs. AA has a term called "dry drunk." It means that somebody has stopped drinking liquor but maintains the mindset, the behaviors, the values, the defense mechanisms of an addict. This sounds like your daughter. It does not mean she can't change. But she needs to want to. All she has done so far is quit the drugs. This is the first step. But the other thing is this: drugs affect the brain. And the effects of many drugs last much longer than the half life of the specific drug, because of neuro-physiological changes that drug use causes. I think the least important thing right now is what she does or not; how she acts or not. The important thing now is you protecting you--from her. I am going to start going to Al Anon, which for those who may not know, is the group for family members, partners of addicts and alcoholics. Why not think about going, too? I want to let you know how badly I feel that she is mistreating you. She has been acting like a very bad person. I've said it before here many times. I worked in prisons. I saw people change who had done horribly bad things. Even people who had bad character, independent of drugs or alcohol, decide one day to change. Psychology in many ways is a misguided way of thinking. Because it has a very hard time explaining, people deciding to change, when there is nothing in their past to explain it. But people all of the time, for as long as there have been people, have turned away from bad and destructive behavior, and towards the light. But they are the ones to decide to turn. We cannot make them. We can love them but we can't let them hurt us. I am very sorry. [/QUOTE]
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