Well we survived Christmas, and it actually went very well, all things considered. My son is still working at Pizza Hut, but extremely part time, as this is the super slow season in the hospitality industry because of very few tourists in town here until February. He's still staying with his friend but stayed with us from the 23rd through last night.
I don't pry him with questions about how he's doing on the various levels of his issues. His ex in Chicago sent him a package, turned out to be a few Christmas decorations he (the ex) had given my son a year or two ago, and a baseball hat that he bought when he was down here on vacation a couple of years ago but left in Chicago. He threw away the "gifts" but obviously kept the hat. The next day my husband and I got a card from the ex, and my husband burned it without even opening it. Throwing away the items and burning the card were symbolic of what is hopefully the end of that chapter of my son's life...at least the ex, and preferably Chicago as well but that remains to be seen.
I'm just trying to get through the rest of the holidays and making every effort to just suck up the small irritants like the fact that he puts his dirty dishes in the sink and not only does he not put them in the dishwasher, but he doesn't even rinse them off. I've stressed and stressed to him that we are constantly fighting an uphill battle with roaches and that at the very least he needs to rinse the dishes completely. I don't mind so much not putting them in the dishwasher. My husband doesn't usually do that either, so if I can live with it with him I can deal with it with my son as well. But one microscopic crumb is an open invitation to a picnic for the roaches. But if it's just a cup and a bowl or something, I rinse them when I notice them there and either give him a gentle reminder or just let it go altogether.
He went with me to Christmas Eve services at a nearby church, and it was actually his idea, more or less. My husband and I usually go but he wasn't going to be able to get home in time. So when I told my son that my husband couldn't make it so I guess we weren't going to church, he said "Well you and I can still go." I was overjoyed, because he doesn't identify as Christian, so he was doing it for me. At one point mid-service, everyone was asked to greet their neighbors and he had a panic attack or social anxiety or something, but he left to come home and take his anxiety medication and came back. We made it through the end of the service, and got home shortly after my husband did. Then, pretty late, maybe around midnight, he was on the verge of another panic attack and asked me to walk around the neighborhood with him to see the light displays at the various homes. I was a little grumpy at first because my husband and I had words briefly, but my son insisted we each name things we were grateful for or that made us happy. And although my leg was in pain by the time we got back home, I was in a much better mood.
Christmas Day was quiet, my husband made a nice brunch for us and then we watched some TV and just hung out until it was time to go to my brother-in-law's for dinner. That was a lot of fun too, and meant a lot to my husband who doesn't get to see his brother very often because of conflicting work schedules and other things
Now we just have to get through New Years. My son is looking into a recovery home, for one reason his work schedule gets him to his friend's house later than the agreed "curfew" and the home will, even though they likely have a curfew, will waive it for work purposes. (I hope!) We'll see how that unfolds, but he might be able to move in as early as Saturday.
My biggest issue now is his coming over on a near daily basis and raiding the refrigerator. He hasn't got his first paycheck yet, he's in the process of applying for food stamps, and his tips aren't really anything to write home about since it's so slow and he's not getting many hours. But he doesn't seem to understand that things are difficult financially for my husband and me right now, as this is his slow season as well and won't pick back up until February when the first major event happens. Our grocery budget is extremely tight and I don't mind him eating here but this morning I found that a package of Muenster cheese which was only opened on Christmas Eve is almost gone. I didn't "fuss" about it but I tried to gently remind him that we need to make the groceries we got on Monday last as long as possible rather than try to finish them off as soon as possible. He told me to please stop
ing, and walked outside for a few minutes. (I wasn't ing, at least in my own mind, and I think that was maybe a guilt reaction or I got to him) When he came back in he said he would replace the cheese when he gets approved for food stamps. I told him that wasn't necessary, just please be more cognizant of the fact that we are basically feeding three people on a two-person budget and we all need to be aware that others are wanting to eat the food, not just me, or him, or my husband.
Also this morning I couldn't find the remote and he said he had no idea where it was, that it was on the coffee table when he went to bed (on the couch). But after he walked back inside he said "we're going to find that remote" and lo and behold it was under one of the sofa cushions. But no drama, no outbursts, nothing. It was all very calm except when he asked me to stoping.
Drama is at a minimum because like I said I am trying very hard not to let little things get to me and build up into bigger things, and he seems to be trying very hard to be pleasant and cooperative (although I've decided he's so self absorbed that he doesn't think about what he's doing and how it might affect others) Still clean as far as I am aware, although he did have a few drinks on Christmas Eve but nothing since then that I am aware of, and no drugs that I am aware of since he got back from that ill fated trip with his ex right after Thanksgiving.
Counting my blessings, and there are many. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that 2019 will bring healing, help, and answers for all of us and those kids of ours that we love so dearly. Love to you all.
I don't pry him with questions about how he's doing on the various levels of his issues. His ex in Chicago sent him a package, turned out to be a few Christmas decorations he (the ex) had given my son a year or two ago, and a baseball hat that he bought when he was down here on vacation a couple of years ago but left in Chicago. He threw away the "gifts" but obviously kept the hat. The next day my husband and I got a card from the ex, and my husband burned it without even opening it. Throwing away the items and burning the card were symbolic of what is hopefully the end of that chapter of my son's life...at least the ex, and preferably Chicago as well but that remains to be seen.
I'm just trying to get through the rest of the holidays and making every effort to just suck up the small irritants like the fact that he puts his dirty dishes in the sink and not only does he not put them in the dishwasher, but he doesn't even rinse them off. I've stressed and stressed to him that we are constantly fighting an uphill battle with roaches and that at the very least he needs to rinse the dishes completely. I don't mind so much not putting them in the dishwasher. My husband doesn't usually do that either, so if I can live with it with him I can deal with it with my son as well. But one microscopic crumb is an open invitation to a picnic for the roaches. But if it's just a cup and a bowl or something, I rinse them when I notice them there and either give him a gentle reminder or just let it go altogether.
He went with me to Christmas Eve services at a nearby church, and it was actually his idea, more or less. My husband and I usually go but he wasn't going to be able to get home in time. So when I told my son that my husband couldn't make it so I guess we weren't going to church, he said "Well you and I can still go." I was overjoyed, because he doesn't identify as Christian, so he was doing it for me. At one point mid-service, everyone was asked to greet their neighbors and he had a panic attack or social anxiety or something, but he left to come home and take his anxiety medication and came back. We made it through the end of the service, and got home shortly after my husband did. Then, pretty late, maybe around midnight, he was on the verge of another panic attack and asked me to walk around the neighborhood with him to see the light displays at the various homes. I was a little grumpy at first because my husband and I had words briefly, but my son insisted we each name things we were grateful for or that made us happy. And although my leg was in pain by the time we got back home, I was in a much better mood.
Christmas Day was quiet, my husband made a nice brunch for us and then we watched some TV and just hung out until it was time to go to my brother-in-law's for dinner. That was a lot of fun too, and meant a lot to my husband who doesn't get to see his brother very often because of conflicting work schedules and other things
Now we just have to get through New Years. My son is looking into a recovery home, for one reason his work schedule gets him to his friend's house later than the agreed "curfew" and the home will, even though they likely have a curfew, will waive it for work purposes. (I hope!) We'll see how that unfolds, but he might be able to move in as early as Saturday.
My biggest issue now is his coming over on a near daily basis and raiding the refrigerator. He hasn't got his first paycheck yet, he's in the process of applying for food stamps, and his tips aren't really anything to write home about since it's so slow and he's not getting many hours. But he doesn't seem to understand that things are difficult financially for my husband and me right now, as this is his slow season as well and won't pick back up until February when the first major event happens. Our grocery budget is extremely tight and I don't mind him eating here but this morning I found that a package of Muenster cheese which was only opened on Christmas Eve is almost gone. I didn't "fuss" about it but I tried to gently remind him that we need to make the groceries we got on Monday last as long as possible rather than try to finish them off as soon as possible. He told me to please stop
ing, and walked outside for a few minutes. (I wasn't ing, at least in my own mind, and I think that was maybe a guilt reaction or I got to him) When he came back in he said he would replace the cheese when he gets approved for food stamps. I told him that wasn't necessary, just please be more cognizant of the fact that we are basically feeding three people on a two-person budget and we all need to be aware that others are wanting to eat the food, not just me, or him, or my husband. Also this morning I couldn't find the remote and he said he had no idea where it was, that it was on the coffee table when he went to bed (on the couch). But after he walked back inside he said "we're going to find that remote" and lo and behold it was under one of the sofa cushions. But no drama, no outbursts, nothing. It was all very calm except when he asked me to stop
ing. Drama is at a minimum because like I said I am trying very hard not to let little things get to me and build up into bigger things, and he seems to be trying very hard to be pleasant and cooperative (although I've decided he's so self absorbed that he doesn't think about what he's doing and how it might affect others) Still clean as far as I am aware, although he did have a few drinks on Christmas Eve but nothing since then that I am aware of, and no drugs that I am aware of since he got back from that ill fated trip with his ex right after Thanksgiving.
Counting my blessings, and there are many. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that 2019 will bring healing, help, and answers for all of us and those kids of ours that we love so dearly. Love to you all.
