So after all that has gone on in my life lately,especially husband being in psychiatric hospital, I feel blah, like the world is just cloudy. Not oh I want to die depressed, but just like I am just existing. Went and met with difficult child's therapist today, difficult child is really doing well at home and at school, therapist had nothing but positive stuff to say about how I have handled events lately, including how I deal with difficult child, but I left just feeling horrible. Why? I have not clue. Today was also my last day at my caregiving job for an elderly lady. I have worked for her for the last 3 years. Due to my schedule changing at the hospital I work at I cannot work both places, but will end up saving about $600 per month on health insurance not to mention how much more I will make by working more hours there. Really is going to be better for us. Don't know how much this factors into how I am feeling, but I am sure it contributes. I have not had my supplements for about 3 weeks. No 5 HTP, flax, b complex. Just could not afford them. Got a bonus today and went to costco and now have enough for a month or two. I am sure this is factoring into this. husband is doing ok. Still has some mood swings, but minor ones in comparison to before. He has been picking up the kids from school, not too much help around the house, but oh well. Now he is developing more side effects, they could go away with time but I am so tired of always watching and waiting for what will come next. He complains about his pills, but always takes them. I remind him and he complains about that, but that is mainly in the morning--he is really NOT a morning person at all--if I did not give him his morning pills he would never take them. He has been taking his noon, evening and bedtime with minimal reminders. I guess I am wondering if I need to go to real medications, not just the supplements. Guess I should give the supplements a while to work. I have been seing my therapist weekly, and I will bring this up with her, but today I just feel so drained. I sit here typing and just feel so pointless. Then I feel stupid, as the crisis is over, has been over for a month, so why can't I get back to normal? I worked Saturday, my first 12hr shift since husband got d/c'd, and then he got sick. I came home and husband had vomitted 2x and that included his night medications. husband's psychiatrist filled out the family medical leave of absence form for me on an intermittent basis, so I called in on Sunday. I just could not go to work not knowing if he was going to get better or worse. Of course since I stayed home he got better. Was like nothing happened. So then I felt bad for missing more work. I have missed so much work in the last month, thankfully I have lots of Earned time off and extended illness bank, so it does not hurt financially, but I just hate to miss work. I think part of it is that reality has hit, and it just does not look rosey. Nothing looks rosey. It is all grey.