to throw this out, since it brings the statement "don't ever think it can't happen to 'you', 'me', 'my child'..." to home. My son told me about a kid he was talking to in Department of Juvenile Justice. He told me the kid was in there for stabbing his grandmother to death and that it happened 4 years ago. He told me the kid's name. I googled it (no, I'm not stalking him). This is what I found: http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/88440 This kid is now somewhat of a friend of my son and I have no idea at this point if this is a good thing or a horrible thing. They live in the same unit. I was there for a family day last week which was incorporated into graduation from high sschool for the 3 that did and the 5 that were given their GED's. The kids there are in JROTC. The "boy" being referred to graduated and was the highest rank in JROTC. He never gets into trouble, according to word I hear, and I have NEVER seen him have one visitor. My son says he still writes the girlfriend, though. My son also said that he can't explain or give reason why it happened but says "his medications were messed up". I don't think that is true because another article I read said he wasn't on any medications, But he was in therapy. His grandfather was an engineer and his grandmother was an upstanding citizen, too. by all accounts, it just happened with no logical explanation. They say it was over the girlfriend, but really, a lot of families have issues about a 14yo wanting to have a girlfriend or boyfriend but not being allowed to. What bothers me most is that my son seems to have such an understanding of this kid- almost a bond. And I can really see this possibly happening iin my home. The kid apparently tells the others that he is sorry, he wished he hadn't done it, he can't explain why, but I see nothing relayed to me that makes me think he really gets it or is remorseful for it. My son says he never gets into trouble, works hard, never bothers him or the other kids. Actually, the whole reason they haven't moved him to a different facility yet (due to him being around 18yo now) is because he has gotten along so well there. I find the whole thing very frightening. On the one hand, I feel sorry for him. On the other- well, Ted Bundy seemed charming too. But also important, what kind of influence is this having on my son? the relative this kid had that cared for him the most was the very person he killed. He has not been violent toward anyone else. I just think there is a lot of food for thought here- the genes from his bio-parents, anger from his parents not raising him, self-esteem issues (I've seen him- I was shocked because he looks geekier than my son), how much should we listen to tdocs and when should we think beyond that and what on earth can we do anyway, etc. No response necessary- I don't have a lot of appreciation for some I've seen lately when they are accusatory rather than supportive or constructive. I just thought some others on the board in similar situations of living with fear of violence might be interested in thinking about this. It makes me wonder how much we, as parents/guardians, can really do to prevent horrible situations. Maybe what strikes a cord with me is the fact that I feel my son has rejection/abandonment issues and, fortunately, the Department of Juvenile Justice psychiatric there agreed with me after hearing the history, and the only thing I can see that this kid has in common with my son is that. My son told me his anger toward me was because I was the only person who told him he was special and lovable therefore, it must be me that lied to him. And, my son has horrible reactions when he feels the least bit of rejection from peers. I really hope their tdocs there are good ones.