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Substance Abuse
Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 723947" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm so sorry Sam, your post expresses your sadness and loneliness......and how you are stuck in the middle as your son's (at this point anyway) only advocate. I want to acknowledge what a crummy place that is......I've been there for a good part of my daughter's journey, her only advocate.....everyone else has mostly bailed from her life. I understand the loneliness and the sadness. It hurts.</p><p></p><p>It sounds as if your husband is dealing with his own grief and anger as a result of the trauma of that night by perhaps shutting down so he can deal with the rest of his life....not the same path you've taken. Do you have a therapist the two of you can talk to? If not, that may be an option for you to consider. I think when families are confronted with this level of trauma, getting everyone on the same page is not at all easy.</p><p></p><p>Have you shared the depth of your feelings with your husband? I have found with my husband, even though It's a vulnerable stance, to tell him the bottom line of what my emotional needs are.....not the whole story of it, not the processing of it, but the simple, "I'm feeling sad, alone and out there all by myself, I need help, I need your commitment to be present with me as we deal with this. I miss you. I'm scared." Or whatever your words would be. It can be difficult to communicate when resentments have entered the picture, certainly understandable resentments, but they can make communication challenging.......it's a lot easier to be heard when our expression isn't peppered with judgement/criticism. For me, I try to get to the "nut" of what I really feel and then express that from my heart. That's the point at which I feel heard and a real connection is made.....communication is an art form in my opinion, it takes practice and a commitment from both parties to listen, to be present, to state our feelings with love and respect. It isn't easy either, in fact it can be quite difficult.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, just my thoughts....you're in a yucky situation.....I'm so sorry, I know how you feel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 723947, member: 13542"] I'm so sorry Sam, your post expresses your sadness and loneliness......and how you are stuck in the middle as your son's (at this point anyway) only advocate. I want to acknowledge what a crummy place that is......I've been there for a good part of my daughter's journey, her only advocate.....everyone else has mostly bailed from her life. I understand the loneliness and the sadness. It hurts. It sounds as if your husband is dealing with his own grief and anger as a result of the trauma of that night by perhaps shutting down so he can deal with the rest of his life....not the same path you've taken. Do you have a therapist the two of you can talk to? If not, that may be an option for you to consider. I think when families are confronted with this level of trauma, getting everyone on the same page is not at all easy. Have you shared the depth of your feelings with your husband? I have found with my husband, even though It's a vulnerable stance, to tell him the bottom line of what my emotional needs are.....not the whole story of it, not the processing of it, but the simple, "I'm feeling sad, alone and out there all by myself, I need help, I need your commitment to be present with me as we deal with this. I miss you. I'm scared." Or whatever your words would be. It can be difficult to communicate when resentments have entered the picture, certainly understandable resentments, but they can make communication challenging.......it's a lot easier to be heard when our expression isn't peppered with judgement/criticism. For me, I try to get to the "nut" of what I really feel and then express that from my heart. That's the point at which I feel heard and a real connection is made.....communication is an art form in my opinion, it takes practice and a commitment from both parties to listen, to be present, to state our feelings with love and respect. It isn't easy either, in fact it can be quite difficult. Anyway, just my thoughts....you're in a yucky situation.....I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. [/QUOTE]
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Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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