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Substance Abuse
Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724108" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>Something shifted back in my H on Thanksgiving.</p><p></p><p>I think it was precipitated by our younger son’s stance on his brother. He had decided to cut him off. And refused to join dinner if his brother showed up.</p><p></p><p>While my H was not surprised, I think it was humbling to see that our younger would need to learn about addiction — to reconcile his brother’s presence in our lives. While validating younger’s pain and anger, ultimately, my H had to engage his own empathy for our Difficult Child, for younger to understand that this type of damage is endemic to addiction. That we could hate the addiction, yet still love the brother and son.</p><p></p><p>Difficult Child came to dinner and younger was frosty but present, longer than he agreed to be. Long after Difficult Child left, younger wanted to talk about it again. As if to justify the thawing he was already experiencing, but was afraid to let happen.</p><p></p><p>After dinner, My H took Difficult Child aside privately and spoke with him for the first time in several weeks. My H gave him the platform to discuss the night of horror, to let him say what he has been paralyzed from saying because no explanations or apologies could seem satisfactory.</p><p></p><p>My H finally opened the door for healing with and for both our sons on Thanksgiving. He let the father in him re-emerge, from the ashes of this trauma. </p><p></p><p>And by sharing that with me, he also began the process of healing us.</p><p></p><p>I have such respect and admiration for my H.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724108, member: 19290"] Something shifted back in my H on Thanksgiving. I think it was precipitated by our younger son’s stance on his brother. He had decided to cut him off. And refused to join dinner if his brother showed up. While my H was not surprised, I think it was humbling to see that our younger would need to learn about addiction — to reconcile his brother’s presence in our lives. While validating younger’s pain and anger, ultimately, my H had to engage his own empathy for our Difficult Child, for younger to understand that this type of damage is endemic to addiction. That we could hate the addiction, yet still love the brother and son. Difficult Child came to dinner and younger was frosty but present, longer than he agreed to be. Long after Difficult Child left, younger wanted to talk about it again. As if to justify the thawing he was already experiencing, but was afraid to let happen. After dinner, My H took Difficult Child aside privately and spoke with him for the first time in several weeks. My H gave him the platform to discuss the night of horror, to let him say what he has been paralyzed from saying because no explanations or apologies could seem satisfactory. My H finally opened the door for healing with and for both our sons on Thanksgiving. He let the father in him re-emerge, from the ashes of this trauma. And by sharing that with me, he also began the process of healing us. I have such respect and admiration for my H. [/QUOTE]
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Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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