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Just filed Criminal Charges Against Our Lying Stealing Addict Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 699331" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think it will be good for you to go on the camping trip. It will offer you a chance to catch your breath and to just relax. I know that's easier said than done to relax but do try and enjoy being away from the drama.</p><p></p><p>One thing my husband and I used to do that really helped us was to take long drives on the weekend. Our one rule was that we did not discuss our son. It allowed us time to just be together, to reconnect and to recharge. </p><p>I know you have other children so just taking off for a drive may not work but please do try and find something that you and your wife can do that is just the two of you. Even if it's just taking a walk around the block or going to a movie.</p><p></p><p>When I was dealing with my son's chaos on a day to day basis the stress was unbearable. I was constantly having to leave work because of the phone calls I would get from the school telling me my son was truant again. When I would turn onto my street I would get sick to my stomach with the anticipation of what I would find at home. My son was great at ransacking our house, breaking things, punching holes in the wall. The worst one was coming home to find he had taken a hammer to beat a hole a foot in diameter in our bedroom door so he could get in. The lock we put on the door was our attempt to keep him out.</p><p></p><p>When I look back to those years of constant stress I wonder how I survived and maintained my sanity. I truly believe we are stronger than we can give ourselves credit for. I am far on the other side of dealing with that day to day stress. My son is now 34 and still does not have his life together but it's his life. I had to come to a place where I moved on and had to start living my own life. </p><p>We each come to that place in our own time. I spent many years trying to "help" my son but all I was doing was enabling him. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to change into what I wanted, what I thought he should be. That was not what my son wanted. He wanted to live his life on his terms and that is what he has been doing. I do not like the life he has chosen but so be it, it's his life to live.</p><p></p><p>I wish no parent had to deal with what we on this site have dealt with. I am grateful for this site and what it offers, I just wish I would have found it 15 years ago. </p><p></p><p>The best advice I can offer is to take care of you and your marriage. It's okay to live your life and it's okay to be happy. If your son starts trying to guilt into bailing him out, don't buy into it. Be prepared for the begging, crying and pleading, the promises that he will do better if you only do what he wants.</p><p>Develop a really thick skin because if he's pulling his plays out of the "difficult child handbook" he will ramp it up. These kids somehow know that they can get to us via our emotions. </p><p></p><p>Stay close to this site. It's a great place to come and vent and no one will ever judge you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 699331, member: 18516"] I think it will be good for you to go on the camping trip. It will offer you a chance to catch your breath and to just relax. I know that's easier said than done to relax but do try and enjoy being away from the drama. One thing my husband and I used to do that really helped us was to take long drives on the weekend. Our one rule was that we did not discuss our son. It allowed us time to just be together, to reconnect and to recharge. I know you have other children so just taking off for a drive may not work but please do try and find something that you and your wife can do that is just the two of you. Even if it's just taking a walk around the block or going to a movie. When I was dealing with my son's chaos on a day to day basis the stress was unbearable. I was constantly having to leave work because of the phone calls I would get from the school telling me my son was truant again. When I would turn onto my street I would get sick to my stomach with the anticipation of what I would find at home. My son was great at ransacking our house, breaking things, punching holes in the wall. The worst one was coming home to find he had taken a hammer to beat a hole a foot in diameter in our bedroom door so he could get in. The lock we put on the door was our attempt to keep him out. When I look back to those years of constant stress I wonder how I survived and maintained my sanity. I truly believe we are stronger than we can give ourselves credit for. I am far on the other side of dealing with that day to day stress. My son is now 34 and still does not have his life together but it's his life. I had to come to a place where I moved on and had to start living my own life. We each come to that place in our own time. I spent many years trying to "help" my son but all I was doing was enabling him. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to change into what I wanted, what I thought he should be. That was not what my son wanted. He wanted to live his life on his terms and that is what he has been doing. I do not like the life he has chosen but so be it, it's his life to live. I wish no parent had to deal with what we on this site have dealt with. I am grateful for this site and what it offers, I just wish I would have found it 15 years ago. The best advice I can offer is to take care of you and your marriage. It's okay to live your life and it's okay to be happy. If your son starts trying to guilt into bailing him out, don't buy into it. Be prepared for the begging, crying and pleading, the promises that he will do better if you only do what he wants. Develop a really thick skin because if he's pulling his plays out of the "difficult child handbook" he will ramp it up. These kids somehow know that they can get to us via our emotions. Stay close to this site. It's a great place to come and vent and no one will ever judge you. [/QUOTE]
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Just filed Criminal Charges Against Our Lying Stealing Addict Son
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