Hi all. Haven't any idea where to start so will just wing it and hope you get idea of our difficulities. I am hoping for support as I have run out of energy and ideas. Married 11 years. I have 2 stepsons ages 25 and 21. My children are boy 16 and girl 17 (to be 18 in Nov). Husband is 52 and I am 40. Stepsons (then ages 8 & 12)always had the "candy-daddy" time with us while visiting once during the week and every other weekend so husband never really had to deal with teenagers and the difficult times on a regular basis with them. They have grown to be good boys...sometimes My children were son 4 and daughter 5 when we married and have lived with us full time. Times were good until teen yrs began and they started to show and practice there independence and all. husband has a controlling personality (expects responsibility, do more than your best, respect, and jump when I tell you to do something.) So our home had two sets of rules *when he was home and *when he was gone (much more relaxed and enjoyable). I know, confusing but happier day to day. Had some therapy for adjusting to blended family. They were home without us for a few hours many nights from ages 12-14. I was there everyday all the time so in evenings husband would take me on motorcycle or golfing or out to see friends 1-3 times a week. I didn't think it was a problem with and for kids at the time. I always made sure school work was done, food in stomache, and something to do for the night (tv, computer, friends), and asked if they minded if we left or would they like us to stay home. If asked to stay I did - while they did their own thing and ignored me anyway . When we did go out I would call a couple times even if I was gone for only 2-3 hours. I realized I was gone too much after a while just from the attitude they gave out so I made the choice to be home more often then. Skip ahead a couple years and let's talk about daughter only now. Daughter has history of sneaking out of our house with friends, and at and with friends houses. Grounded and privleges taken away. doesn't matter Defiant and angry often with nasty attitude. We talked and sometimes that helped. She is drama. Seems there always is something going on that she is involved in with trouble between her or her involvement with friends troubles. ADD and Learning Disability (LD) caused educational troubles in school then 3 years ago she began having nasty panic attacks of sort (myoclonic movements -- can explain more another time) and had to come home from scool often. A circle - stress means attack means not at school, behind in school work and hard to understand caused stress means attack mean not at school, behind in school work...... She lost interest in school, selfconcious of medical troubles, troubles with drama and friends, so she began self-cutting. Therapy continues for defiance, selfcutting, school, friends, attitude, self unimportance. medication changes. Change schools and friends. Then pot and drinking use starts - unknown to me. Behavior and actions really out of whack so placed her is girls home for 2.5 months in early 2007. Seemed to help bit. Got back home and eventually went back to pot and drinking and added variety of drugs to it then. Put her in outpatient rehab. Took cell phone and car away indefinitely. I take her to and from meetings, school, and work. Occationally where she wants to go - when I feel like it. --my attitude comes in there She quit taking her medications about 3+ weeks ago. Quit following home rules (shared home chores, no food in room, curfew, etc) so she had choice to follow them or leave. She left for 2 weeks. School is about to start and she has no way so she comes home agreeing to rules. Got mad a couple weeks later and says she is out for good - that lasted 3 days as she didn't have friends to stay with and way to school and work now. I let her back home with stipulation of not to leave again cause the door would be locked to her room if it happened again. Therapist, rehab councelor, medication dr all say to kick her out and let her find her own way. The idea scares the breathe right outta me! Today she calls me and says she felt depressed and started crying in school. Her dean was too busy to talk to her at moment (great relationship with her though!) so she left school. Called me to come pick her up and I said no, go back to school. She got mad, said she would not. I said yes you will and I will be there at regular time to get you. She said don't bother cause she will not be there and hung up. Been two hours now and don't know where she is ....again....but surprisingly I am calm and have a "whatever" attitude. I am sooooo tired of it all. I know what is right and wrong to accept for her behavior. I know I should be tough and give options and follow through. I know I am her mother and what she can and can not honestly handle in life on her own. I just don't know what to do. Suggestions anyone?