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Just got a call from the County Jail...
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 682818" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>As always, thanks for the support. I just talked to him about an hour ago and the girlfriend broke up with him, saying he is a bad influence. She has 2 kids , but custody of only one, so I think she might have some issues, too. He told me they were smoking crack all night last week...but she DOES hold down a job and takes care of her 3 year old. She told him that if he's drinking and drugging and not working, that they can't be together.</p><p></p><p>I gave the usual advice (note to self, stop doing that) and told him he had to be a stand up guy and until he was willing to change his ways, the result would always be the same. The girlfriend works at the mental health center, where he hangs out (to avoid the drunks-he WAS doing well) and I told him he needed to keep going there when he gets out, but he's like "Well, that's probably going to change". Dude, you HAVE to go back there-that's where your help is, where you have a peer mentor, where you can take classes, etc.</p><p></p><p>I just don't know if he's capable of having anything like a normal life, or if he really wants one. He said "Why can't I just be happy?" and I had to say, because you're your own worst enemy...</p><p></p><p>On a personal note, I moved out to Las Vegas (moved in with my ex husband-ROOM-MATES ONLY!) and have been here a couple of days. Am a little down, culture shock, leaving old friends behind, etc. I drove out here and the Colorado visit to the boys was a stop along the way. I was SO optimistic that things were looking up , but once again, have to think about all this crap with him. But not TOO much! My sister thinks he creates drama when other people's lives are going okay, she said "How come this all happened once you left for Vegas? Does he want you to feel guilty all the time?" And she might be right... we only left CO on Monday and he is in jail 3 days later...</p><p></p><p>Sorry just rambling at this point, processing my thoughts. It was very obvious that he is still a Taker, self centered, etc. But I did think he was happy with this girlfriend and I felt so hopeful. He originally wanted to ride out West with us to start a new life, but decided he had a future with this girl, so stayed. How the heck he thought he was going to do that is a mystery to me...but we sure dodged a bullet there when we left without him.</p><p></p><p>I guess I feel super resentful that things haven't worked out and the trickle-down effect has started again. Always problems, always problems. Got to concentrate on MY new start and not let him take up space in my head....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 682818, member: 13561"] As always, thanks for the support. I just talked to him about an hour ago and the girlfriend broke up with him, saying he is a bad influence. She has 2 kids , but custody of only one, so I think she might have some issues, too. He told me they were smoking crack all night last week...but she DOES hold down a job and takes care of her 3 year old. She told him that if he's drinking and drugging and not working, that they can't be together. I gave the usual advice (note to self, stop doing that) and told him he had to be a stand up guy and until he was willing to change his ways, the result would always be the same. The girlfriend works at the mental health center, where he hangs out (to avoid the drunks-he WAS doing well) and I told him he needed to keep going there when he gets out, but he's like "Well, that's probably going to change". Dude, you HAVE to go back there-that's where your help is, where you have a peer mentor, where you can take classes, etc. I just don't know if he's capable of having anything like a normal life, or if he really wants one. He said "Why can't I just be happy?" and I had to say, because you're your own worst enemy... On a personal note, I moved out to Las Vegas (moved in with my ex husband-ROOM-MATES ONLY!) and have been here a couple of days. Am a little down, culture shock, leaving old friends behind, etc. I drove out here and the Colorado visit to the boys was a stop along the way. I was SO optimistic that things were looking up , but once again, have to think about all this crap with him. But not TOO much! My sister thinks he creates drama when other people's lives are going okay, she said "How come this all happened once you left for Vegas? Does he want you to feel guilty all the time?" And she might be right... we only left CO on Monday and he is in jail 3 days later... Sorry just rambling at this point, processing my thoughts. It was very obvious that he is still a Taker, self centered, etc. But I did think he was happy with this girlfriend and I felt so hopeful. He originally wanted to ride out West with us to start a new life, but decided he had a future with this girl, so stayed. How the heck he thought he was going to do that is a mystery to me...but we sure dodged a bullet there when we left without him. I guess I feel super resentful that things haven't worked out and the trickle-down effect has started again. Always problems, always problems. Got to concentrate on MY new start and not let him take up space in my head.... [/QUOTE]
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Just got a call from the County Jail...
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