Hi there.
It is frustrating when the only contact they give us is when they want something. Your son had a lot of gall. However, sometimes I think yelling gives them what they want. Then they can say, "Wow, you lost it. You're a bad mother, blah, blah, blah." It took practice, but I learned to stay calm. My son already knows that if he asks me for ANYTHING other than love and emotional support (and in a quiet voice), I will hang up.
Maybe next time, just say, "If you call me to ask how I'm doing or to shoot the breeze, we can talk. But I've decided to set a boundary and if you ask me for anything like money or toys, I will gently hang up. You are a man now.I can't control your father, but I'm going to treat you like the man that you are and let you learn to take care of your own needs."
If he screams at you, then do it. Gently hang up. If you keep doing it, without wavering, you won't hear from him to be asked to make a contribution to his personal charity (himself). If you are not in the mood to even see what he wants, and his name comes up on your caller ID, I have personally not answered the phone. I have to be in the mood to possibly put up with abuse and be able to calmly handle it or I let the phone ring forever.
I'm sorry you were put through that. Be good to yourself tonight. Remember, he WANTS you to be upset. Don't give him what he wants and if he calls back, let it go to voicemail as you already know he will be abusive. You are both at an age when you have earned peace and quiet. I feel I have too. But we have to take that gift by not letting toxic people, even if they are our own adult children, talk to us in a way that upsets our serenity.
Hugs and we are listening.