Just Incredible

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Nov 2, 2013.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Yesterday husband and I went over to my parents to return my mom's car. I had borrowed it to go to the city because our car was making a strange noise and I didn't want to drive around 170 miles in it. My dad had us go get breakfast from a local bakery, so we had a nice morning.

    I was rather surprised that Wiz came and gave me a hug FOUR times while I was there. Over the last ten years or more I have had to ask for a hug and often he flat out said no. It meant the world to me, which you are likely the only people outside husband who can fully understand.

    I mentioned it later while we were running an errand and husband told me something. It made me cry, but happy, amazed tears.

    It seems that Wiz and husband had a conversation some months ago. Wiz said he was truly thankful that we fought so hard to teach him and make him learn social skills and to behave decently (not just good manners, but good values). if he had been with my parents since he was little, which they brought up a LOT over the years (pretty much any time Wiz had a problem or blow up or when my mom got lonely or depressed), he said he would be a total spoiled entitled awful person. He used those words to husband.

    He told husband that he pretty much gets anything he wants from Gma and Gpa, but if he had been with them the entire time he would see nothing wrong with manipulating them constantly for whatever he wants. He knows he CAN manipulate them, but he makes a conscious choice to not manipulate them most of the time.

    I was stunned when husband told me this. I have been afraid for at least ten years that he would hate me for the rest of his life. Terrified that he would not ever understand that we did the things we did so that he would grow up to be a good man, so that he would be able to form relationships and build his own family based on love and respect rather than on manipulation or not having meaningful relationships at all.

    Knowing this means the absolute world to me. It is an incredible relief, a source of true joy for me. I don't think this would or even COULD happen without the support, love and help from everyone in this internet family.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Wow, that's powerful. I think you should celebrate.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    That's wonderful, Susie!
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That is quite a gift. Yay tough love!
  6. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    That was wonderful to read and I am smiling for you
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    It made me tear up. I'm so happy your son is becoming self aware.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Wis did WHAT????????

    Well of course he did. SusieStar I know exactly what you mean when you say only this family would understand what a hug from your son -not to mention his statement would mean not only to you....but to us. Congratulations on a life well played. (makes finger score in the air for the Mom) Fine job Momma - Fine job!

    And .....we can say this to each other save for no one else......FINALLY -----do you think they're really getting it? Maybe? HUH.???? Just ( ) much? Lord I hope so. Hugs & Love Girl
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting that...
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Susie, it is just the most amazing moment when you realize that all that hard work you put in.......registered along the way........because as we know too well when parenting difficult children it often seems nothing ever registers and we're just beating our heads against the wall.

    You and husband did a wonderful job, are doing a wonderful job with the kids. I'm so glad that Wiz has matured and come to realize how lucky he is to have you as parents........and had the courage to speak up about it. And it can take courage to say your parents were right. lol

    Grinning ear to ear for you this morning and for Wiz too. :)
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Awesome! You should see the grin on my face...
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs DDD
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!! You deserved those four hugs :)
  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We understand! I can sense the happiness in your mom's heart.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks, all. It truly IS incredible, and he is an incredible young man, if I do say so myself.

    Given all that we went though, I really hope that this gives some of you hope that maybe your difficult child will realize something like this and communicate it to you. For many, many years I dealt with my mother telling me how much better it would be for everyone if Wiz was allowed to live with her. It was usually phrased as being for just a short time, but I had a very strong feeling each time that if we ever gave in, he would not be coming back to us to live. For a long time the reason she suggested it was for Jess, then for both jess and thank you, to have a home without the chaos that Wiz caused, and so that Wiz would not be stressed out or feel 'neglected' when we spent time with his sibling, spoke with them, or even thought about them. Of course the first mentions of this were well before we had a clue that Jess was coming, or would ever come. Mostly it seemed as though it was so Gma would not miss him so much and so she could be sure he had all the books, toys, gadgets and clothes that he wanted and she felt he was entitled to. Once Jess came along her bias toward Wiz became crystal clear and was very upsetting, esp as not ever one single time did she even hint that Jess would be better if she lived iwth Gma and Gpa, and that was a big red flag to me.

    It was a big fight to keep wiz with us all the years he did live with us, and I had to endure this 'generous offer' of my moms at least every 9 mos or so. Knowing that the epic saga of those years has had this amazing result?

    FAR more priceless than anything on a credit card commercial!

    Wiz is outstanding (sometimes in the rain, but outstanding never the less, lol), but so are all of our difficult children. I hope this gives someone hope because that is the biggest thing that all of you gave me during the worst of times.

    I almost didn't post this, because I worried it might seem like bragging. But I went ahead so that you could see this amazing result of the hard work you contributed to, and so that maybe one of you could hold on to the hope in the darkest of your times.
  16. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    That is awesome. Your tough love paid off. I only hope one day my kids realize it too. You must feel so proud.