Just like nothing ever happened...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KTMom91, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Last night, Miss KT had a major meltdown because we had run out of bottled water, and she was hungry and wanted to cook macaroni. She slammed the pan down on the counter, and I told her to watch it because she's already broken a big chunk out of my kitchen tile. She stomped through the living room to her room, then stomped back to the kitchen and put a stick of butter in the microwave, and announced she would have crackers and butter for dinner. She got on the phone, complaining about how there was no food, no water, and she was starving and nobody cared. I wasn't sure if she was on her cell or the home phone, so I followed her to her room to check, to hear her say that her mom was such a f-in b* who never did anything for her. She discovered the butter was not as soft as she wanted, so that started another fit. She stomped back into the kitchen, dropped the plate and the crackers on the counter, and screamed that she hated this house. Apparently she had called my mother to come and save her, and when my mother called back, Miss KT and I answered at the same time, so I got to hear how I'm represented. I called my mother back, told her what I thought of her enabling this behavior, and told her if she didn't like being in the middle, to get out of it and just tell Miss KT no. It did no good, St. Carol came to save her, and I'm the bad guy again. This morning, they came by the house so Miss KT could leave her stuff. She was pleasant, cheerful, chatting with me about the cat I'm taking to the vet, just like there was no problem at all. Does she truly not remember all the screaming and fuss last night? Or is she just pretending? I'm at a loss here.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'd get your mother out of the picture, fast. Don't know how, since KT is clearly able to contact her on her own. THAT's one of the MAIN issues.
    YOU are the mother. Your mother must respect that.
    In regard to whether KT remembers the issue, why not sit her down calmly and ask her? Then tell her that she hurt your feelilngs. No accusations, nothing about grandmother enabling, nada. Just that you feel hurt. Let her answer you.
    Good luck!
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    She remembers - BELIEVE ME - I have asked at the psychiatrist SEVERAL times - ARE YOU SURE HE IS NOT SOME SPECIAL UNDISCOVERED FORM OF MENTALLY RETARDED????

    And the answer from every doctor is - If you are hoping for something that makes him not responsible for his behaviors - stop hoping - he is who he is and YES he remembers - he's just hoping you won't.

    If there aren't any consequences for her behavior - she's going to keep doing this sort of attack and forget thing.

    My chuckle about all of this is that you are SO poor - she called someone on her cell phone to announce her hunger.

    Maybe a vacation to Darfur?

    Oh and EVERYONE here knows - you can't have melted butter soup without crickets - it's an NVTS recipe - ask her. lol WIthout crickets you just starve.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ask her. Check out her demeanor when she answers you. She could have more than ADHD going on--seizures or mood disorders or the medications affecting her--I used to have rages (young with bipolar), but I remembered them and felt and acted very upset afterwards because it bothered me so much that I couldn't seem to control myself. Acting like it never happened, not even saying "sorry", would puzzle me as a mother. Has she been better on her medication?
    My grandmother was my champion and we were close to the end. My mom really didn't "get" me at all. She thought I did the stuff on purpose when really I hated, hated, hated myself for doing that, so it was good for me to stay with grandma at times. But all situations are different. If she is truly in control of her behavior, then I'd call it enabling. If not, well, then your daughter still shouldn't be allowed to talk about you that way to your own mother. And Grandma shouldn't listen to her when she talks that way. It's disrespectful.
  5. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I think Midwest Mom asked a good question. Maybe there is more going on with her.

    That sounds like my difficult child...almost to a T. For her, with her brain injury, its partly a mood regulation problem. As she has little to no empathy, when she's over it, she's over it and the thought of how it affected someone else doesn't enter her mind. We rarely hear "sorry" unless we request her to say it and then, even when she does, its just the word with no meaning attatched. Trying to talk to her after its over is a tricky thing...sometimes she'll talk about it and others she'll shut down and start melting down all over again.
  6. {{{hug}}} thank you for sounding like me, when I needed someone that has the same situations ..or simular.
    my difficult child is my 13yo daughter. I thought for a long time she was having some sort of seizure that prevented her from remembering the stuff she had done..WRONG. She just wants us all to forget those RAGES. Hers were once every six months..till last summer now I get atleast one rage a week...(mini ones daily)...there is nothing I can do. I cant force her to do anything she doesnt want to...cause I cant physically move her..and she is becoming physically agressive toward me. Last year this stuff was all at school and she was an angel at home most the time... this year, its at home. No signs at school....and she is telling them she comes home...I call her a b*tch and start slapping her....she wont admit what she does..and of course the councelors give her advice to "make mom tell you what you are doing wrong so she wont hit you"...DUH...I dont "hit" ..I defend myself against the physical attacks...but I dont "hit". and councelors wont return calls.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I suspect there's some bipolar going on, and have for quite a while. Her psychiatrist says bipolar takes time to diagnosis, because there needs to be a pattern of cycling. So, I keep documenting, and the doctor and I discuss it every two months during her appointment. We also have the lack of empathy problem. Sometimes I just want to shake her and tell her, "This is why your friends bail out! You're SO mean to them!" But she wouldn't understand it anyway...