Just Makes Me Crazy

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Nov 1, 2011.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    difficult child comes home from schoool about a half an hour before easy child does. He comes home, tells me about his day, and usually retreats to his room. easy child comes home, has a snack, and I get him started on his homework. I let difficult child do his homework when he's ready to do it. I give him a pretty wide berth when it comes to his homework because it always get done and he always does what is expected when it comes to school. easy child usually needs help, so I have him do it after school.

    This afternoon, easy child is doing his homework and difficult child comes into the kitchen, doing his best to be disruptive. I tell him to knock it off and that easy child is trying to get homework done. difficult child says that he wants a cup of tea, and proceeds to make himself a cup. He sits at the table with his tea, slurps while he'e drinking, stirs his tea making sure that the spoon is making all kinds of noise. Once again I ask him to quiet down because easy child is trying to get homework done and I remind him that if he was trying to get work done and someone was making the noise that he was making he would be throwing a fit about it. He tells me, "I would tell whoever was making the noises to get out and you didn't tell me to get out yet." Fine. I told him to get out of the kitchen. Of course, that starts him all over again. "You told me to get out. You didn't tell easy child to get out."

    Finally, easy child says that he's going to move into the dining toom to get his homework finished, which he did, but it just makes me so angry that he does this. He wants things a certain way, but if you ask him to make those same accomodations for anyone else that's a completely different story and we're asking way too much of him.

    Drives me crazy!
  2. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    OMG you just described my life everyday of the school week !!!

    Both my kids do their homework unassisted but I am within a step away if they have a question.

    My easy child cannot even breathe without difficult child freaking out on her that he can't concentrate !!! SO EXHAUSTING I KNOW !!!
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I can relate to both of you. difficult child 2 is like that. He has to have it SILENT in order to read. Huh? But when difficult child 1 is reading or doing any kind of homework and difficult child 2 isn't, difficult child 2 makes the most annoying noises and when I do the "role reversal" scenario, difficult child 2 absolutely does not get it. difficult child 2 also does this when we are watching something on tv and he loses interest. He starts with the noises and "fidgeting" with noisy stuff and talking to us and .... and .... and.

    I agree. It is horribly annoying and I can't get it through to him either.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh man. You brought me back to reality. Really, I feel like I hate the crisis momens, but they are defined and I push thru and am exhausted after....BUT those day to day, on and on, little ......whatever!
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that the every day things are what get to me the most. difficult child tries to be annoying while I'm doing other things. I know why he does it. He wants attention, figuring that bad attention is better than no attention. But does he not understand that I would be more willing to spend quality time with him if he didn't work so hard to **** me off every chance that he gets? I try to explain it to him, he wasn't bothering me. He was bothering easy child. I told him that as I was trying to help easy child that yes, he was bothering me, whether that was his plan or not.

    Here's to hoping that he will get it tomorrow a little better than he did today. A girl can always hope, can't she?
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I send difficult child 1 to his room to read. I then I send him again and again and again because he always comes out just to see if they're done. I have to do this anytime difficult child 1 isn't the center of attention. He just can't understand he isn't always the center of attention. Even will stand between me and who ever I'm talking to and talk to me while I'm trying to talk to them. Just did that today with psychiatrist.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrgh. I see a little of my own difficult child there.
    So sorry.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sigh even though I know he doesn't believe me, I have said in my crabbier moods, but it isn't all about you. I will confess that in my more saracastic moods I have told the school office, teachers, admin etc. if you would only understand that it really IS all about difficult child, we would all get along fine. they love me.
  9. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i have no patience for homework. i told my kids teachers i don't 'do' homework, i have enough problems to deal with. i don't enforce homework, i don't check homework, i don't ask about homework and i don't allow the teachers to give my kids a ton of homework. my childhood was a miserable mesh of school, chores, homework with no playtime or fun. i'd rather not put my kids through that.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Way back when, with a favorite therapist (who couldn't stay with us due to age restrictons)... I used to complain about stuff like this.
    And she said (a hundred times if she said it once):
    Its normal.

    I'm serious. Sibling relationships! UGH!
    Yet, thinking back... that's exactly what my brothers did to me.
    (Of course, I was a perfect angel, right? <wink>)

    I really didn't believe her until we got two dogs... siblings, one male, one female... and... its exactly the same thing!!
    Especially if you try to work with ONE of them... the other either has to get locked up, or spends all their time trying to distract the working dog. (being a distraction is only useful if you are trying to learn how to ignore distractions!!) So we're all concerned about this fighting going on between the two of them, and the trainer says...
    Its normal.

    Its one of the perpetual problems with parenting a difficult child - or two or three or more... Where is the line between GFGness, and normal?!
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I'm with ready2run - down with homework :) Why do they spend all day in school if it's only to come straight home and open schoolbooks? Imagine coming back from a hard day at the office and then being expected to sit down, open your briefcase and start all over again, when all you want to do is relax, switch off and unwind? I admire the stand you take on it...
    As for sibling rivalry and squabbles, yes it is all normal and I see it everywhere. It's rather sad though. I always think of an ex-sister in law and her two children, girl aged 6 and boy aged 4, in this regard. They are SO sweet together and it is totally genuine. Constantly looking out for each other, making sure the other one has their fair share, comforting each other when they are hurt or upset, particularly the older girl towards the younger boy. I have known them all their lives and she has always had this devoted love for her younger brother which he reciprocates. It is really touching to see. And, unfortunately, unique in my experience...
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Yes, that is one of my biggest problems, and I have told that to the therapist on more than one occasion. I don't know what is normal, pre-teen behavior, and what is difficult child behavior. therapist seems to think that while some of it normal, pre-teen behavior, with difficult child there is always that GFGness behind it. He's always looking for a way to intimidate easy child and get me to only look at him and him alone. If I had a dollar for every time I have told difficult child that while I love him and he is very important, he is not always the prioroty. That just makes him angry and he turns it around and tells the therapist that I say that he's not a priority.
  13. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    lol, well thanks Malika! glad someone gets me on this one.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Malika ...

    For some of us, we DO put in a hard day at the office and then come home, open our briefcase (laptop) and start all over again... How else do you think we put in 12 and 15 hours days?

    Some teachers feel that kids should be building up to putting in 8 hours a day of effort, in prep for the working world...

    Plus, classrooms are so chaotic these days, that "homework time" may be the only time the kids actually have to accomplish anything.

    Doesn't mean I agree with them. I'd love to come home and "relax" too... (given that I have a difficult child, THAT of course won't be an option for a few years, but I digress) And I don't feel that huge piles of homework accomplishes much.
  15. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    So, difficult child comes home from school today and I sat him down and told him that I need him to stay out of the kitchen and not be distracting to easy child so that he can get homework done, and that if he did what I asked he could help make dinner and I would play cards with him afterwards.

    His answer? "I don't see why I have to be quiet for him. I think he's stupid."

    I know that he's trying to be hurtful, but I'm just frustrated. Seriously, no matter how I talk to this kid, I just can't reason with him.

    Maybe he did take it to heart, though, because I just got easy child started on his homework and it's quiet - so far.
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't judge him by his words... judge him by his actions.
    If he DOES what you asked, at this point that is more important...

    Crossing fingers he holds out until its time to prep supper!
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Good point. MY difficult child has to always have the last word and it is usually negative. I have (and so have the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers especially....most of the school staff but not a few of them) mostly learned to just wait and see what he does. For example. I can say, Before you can watch your race, you need to pick up your clothes off the bathroom floor and put them in the clothes basket. he will say, no Iwill do it later...AS he is doing it. Or Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) tells him to get out of the pool so to take a break when he gets too verbal or wild and again, no-I dont have to listen to you (may include a middle finger or the B word) again, WHILE he is climbing up the ladder and sitting on a chair.

    Not always that way but always do have to wait and see. He just can't put the verbal breaks on. really provokes people who are into "all children must show respect" (which I agree with and we strive for....but only iF they can...)
  18. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    He actually did it! easy child has been having trouble getting homework done. It's been taking him much longer than it should and his teacher suggested setting a timer for 30 minutes. She feels that it should take him no longer than that to get it done. Anyway, difficult child left easy child alone for the whole 30 minutes.

    One battle won for today!
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is a multi-win.

    - difficult child now knows there is a limit to how long homework will take... which makes it easier to back off
    - easy child now knows that homework doesn't have to take forever, which sometimes makes it hard to face doing it at all, which then makes it take longer...
    - YOU actually had a decent transition period from school to home.

    Make this a pattern, and... WOW.

  20. keista

    keista New Member

    YAY! It is a beautiful thing!