Just more yuck

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child has continued to spiral. As most of you know he has been struggling quite a bit since February. Last week I talked to psychiatrist's nurse. She said psychiatrist wanted husband and I to consider the possibly of putting him in another hospital. It is further away but it is supposed to be very good and since his last stay here was such a bust he wants us to consider it. I don't know what his time line is. I do know that the nurse said psychiatrist doesn't feel comfortable trying more medication changes at home right now because of his violence. Lately most things that get him mad gets a violent reaction-sometimes even when nothing is going on that is obvious to us.

    husband and I were thinking it would be nice to hold off til summer if we had to do this because of the distance (we wouldn't be able to visit often) and him missing school but after this weekend I'm not so sure we still want/can wait.

    We do have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow after work.

    Also I have a meeting tomorrow with the case manager of the new program that difficult child qualified for. It is the one that provides wrap around and respite services. Their main goal is keeping kids out of the hospital. Maybe they will be able to help.

    Thanks for listening, it's been a very difficult weekend difficult child wise. He seems to have little control and is driving husband, easy child, and I all crazy and as I mentioned the violence doesn't seem to be getting better and, as usual, most of it is directed at me.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wouldn't the psychiatric hospital have school time? I know when my difficult child was at a psychiatric hospital this fall, there was about 2 - 2 1/2 hours of schoolwork time in which we took his work from his home school. There was a teacher that was suppose to work with the kids but my difficult child hung low because the teachers yelled at the other kids alot saying, "Just do the work". He didn't feel like the main teacher would help.

    Does your SD offer Summer School - if so, it would have smaller class sizes to help difficult child catch up on school work.

    I think you will feel your answer after the psychiatrist appointment. If the psychiatrist wants to do a medication change that needs to be done in an in-patient setting, that may be the way to go. Follow your heart tomorrow. Voice your concerns about missing school.

    My vote is deal with the violence now and work on school later especially if his grades have been suffering. He can work on catch up later. But you know what is best for your difficult child and family.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I know how painful it is when they attack you for any reason. I went through that with my son for years. It took a long hospital stay to help the first time (after MANY years of docs and tdocs and everything we could think of) then it took moving him out of the house. It was too dangerous to have my difficult child here.

    I hope that you can get him to the psychiatric hospital and get him some help. NONE of you deserve to be attacked. Please do what you can to keep easy child out of it as much as possible. It will be scary for her too.

    Sending sooooooomany hugs,

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The psychiatric hospital will work with his home school, they should have a teacher and be able to transfer his iep there, esp if he will be there a while. If he needs to catch up, most schools offer summer school.


  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    You have my good wishes that difficult child gets the appropriate services. I'm always amazed at how much you live with every day.
    Hope tomorrow brings some help.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, I'm so sorry things have continued to spiral. I know you and husband will decide to do whatever is in the best interests of your family. Sending many gentle hugs to you tonight.
  7. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Sharon-I am sorry things are still crazy !! I know you and husband have been working so hard and getting help for difficult child. I'm sure you will make a good decision. If he does need another hospitalization I'm sure you could ask about ESY services...perhaps difficult child could qualify for services over the summer under -- special circumstances and/or interferring behaviors. T

    Sending hugs to you !!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate all of the good thoughts and support. If psychiatrist really thinks this needs to happen and can be arranged we will follow through. Unfortunately difficult child cannot go to summer school due to his behaviors-he actually got kicked out one year. I was hoping for esy this year for him like Jannie mentioned but I think the deadline for that is past. That really bothers me because earlier in the year I asked if they could be sure not to miss that. Maybe something can still be done.
    Again many thanks!
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Hope the meeting goes well today and you are given some respite support, at the very, very least.

    The continual and increasing violence that you and the family live with is so wrong. I'm not sure how the in-home services can work to keep difficult child out of the phos when it seems something drastic has to change here. Seems like the ony realistic option is longer term admission with total medication changes and intensive therapy (life skills and such). difficult child does not seem able to hold it together at school and home right now. I think one of the biggest factors I would look at, were I his parent, is how all this is affecting him.

    I cannot begin to understand how this affects the three of you. Living with all the stress and violence is beyond what I can imagine. But I wonder how difficult child feels about himself? How does he feel constantly being in trouble in school? How does he feel in the quite molments after he has struck out at you? I would wonder how his inability to maintain is looked at through his eyes.

    The sooner he is trully helped the sooner he is able to move forward. I don't imagine that finishing five or six weeks of school is really on par with getting him the help he needs. That's just my opinion.

    Sometimes when we are in the midst of something, it's hard to really see what is happening. Those of us that have known you and love you on this board see a child who has no ability to maintain, be part of a social group, and who shows tremendous aggression towards his mother. If difficult child were a easy child who did that once, he would pay extreme consquences. It does noone any good to "allow" him to continue in his violent tirades. It could cross the line any day and regrets will do no good.

    Please, please look into an admin in the better phos. It would appear that he would need to have all his medications taken away and start from scratch. Once he is somewhat stable, the real work can begin and perhaps he would continue to need to be away from home for awhile while he learns over how to be part of a family and the larger community.

    Wishing you, husband, and easy child strength and peace.

  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    What Sharon (ldm) said. Sweetie, we lived through this with the tweedles - most specifically wm. The day to day stress on the entire family was horrendous. husband finally put his foot down - it was affecting his ability to work (he was let go of one position due to my calling for help; even with the crisis team & PCAs in here). It was affecting kt's emotional well being & it put both kt & myself physically at risk.

    I never wanted to get out of bed; there were times I would wake to wm leaning over me - just smiling that evil little smile of his. It would terrify me. I had to wake & immediately be "in charge". It was awful.

    wm's last psychiatric hospital admission lasted 6 almost 7 weeks. He was then transferred to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). As I refused to transport him, mental health care manager along with another big old SW transported wm. I followed & signed admittance papers & left for a week.

    You know most of this Sharon. You know this has taken a toll on you, husband & easy child. There may be a time that difficult child will be safe to be in the home again - there may not. However, difficult child is of an age that you need to get a handle on this NOW! He's no longer a "cute" little guy - he's about to hit puberty, if he hasn't already. It's hard to watch a child in a growing adult body with-o any impulse control & with violent tendencies. It's harder to live with.

    Screw the academics ~ difficult child isn't learning right now anyway. Or he isn't learning much.

    In home isn't going to help until, unless difficult child is stable. In home is only going to add another layer of stress in your home life. I've lived that one.

    I'm preaching to the choir I know. I apologize. Good luck today at your psychiatrist appointment.


    Hi my name is Penny Im new here and not sure where to post or if this is even the right place for me so any advice is greatly appreciated.Im looking for help and advice this concerns my 12 year old son he has a bad anger problem one minute he is the perfect child the minute you tell him no or he doesnt get his way his anger takes over,he is now suspended from school for fighting.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon and Linda-Thanks and I do hear what you are saying and agree. At this point the academics does take second place. He is out of control and we are all at the end of our ropes. Something does have to change soon because I am wearing down.

    We did meet with psychiatrist today. He gave us two choices. Hospitalization at the hospital in another city (about an hour away) or try one more medication increase at home (upping the Lamictal). We decided to give it one more try at home although I'm not sure it's the best choice. However, I feel better about it because we have a plan in place. We will give the increase one week. If after that time we don't see improvement we will call the other psychiatric hospital (the phone call has to be initiated by us at this hospital) and seek admission for him.

    I also met with the guy from the new program for difficult child today. It sounds very helpful-the guy was great and I was very impressed. There are more opportunities than I knew with this program. Things like summer camps, horse therapy, or other therapies that insurance might not typically pay for. We won't start until we know if difficult child will be hospitalized. If so we will start after the hospitalization.