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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 665294" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It helps me to know words to say. I cannot think when I feel so badly, or when someone cries or is angry with me because I have not done what they needed me to do.</p><p></p><p>I want to leap in and fix it. Fixing it means: Let me move home. Let me have enough money so I don't need to move home. Then let me move home.</p><p></p><p>That is not a good solution for any of us. So, I have learned (here on the site I learned this) to say:</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening. I know you will come through it well. I am backing out of fixing things so you can learn the way it feels to take care of adult problems and never be afraid you cannot handle things on your own again.</p><p></p><p>That is the gist of what I say now.</p><p></p><p>I just keep going back to that.</p><p></p><p>I say "I don't know." </p><p></p><p>Man, I hate having to say that! I'm supposed to be the mom or the grandma. I am supposed to know.</p><p></p><p>It is working, for us. Sometimes, the kids are really mad at us and say bad things about us. They tell us about how "family" supports their kids, and provide a multitude of examples of loving families where the parents don't hang the kids out to dry. Where they let them live with them and even, buy them cars when they are not working.</p><p></p><p>New ones.</p><p></p><p>Then I say that I think that is not helping the kids in the long run.</p><p></p><p>I feel really crummy about myself, but I say it anyway.</p><p></p><p>It helps us to post about it here.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you did that. It helped me, too.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 665294, member: 17461"] It helps me to know words to say. I cannot think when I feel so badly, or when someone cries or is angry with me because I have not done what they needed me to do. I want to leap in and fix it. Fixing it means: Let me move home. Let me have enough money so I don't need to move home. Then let me move home. That is not a good solution for any of us. So, I have learned (here on the site I learned this) to say: I am sorry this is happening. I know you will come through it well. I am backing out of fixing things so you can learn the way it feels to take care of adult problems and never be afraid you cannot handle things on your own again. That is the gist of what I say now. I just keep going back to that. I say "I don't know." Man, I hate having to say that! I'm supposed to be the mom or the grandma. I am supposed to know. It is working, for us. Sometimes, the kids are really mad at us and say bad things about us. They tell us about how "family" supports their kids, and provide a multitude of examples of loving families where the parents don't hang the kids out to dry. Where they let them live with them and even, buy them cars when they are not working. New ones. Then I say that I think that is not helping the kids in the long run. I feel really crummy about myself, but I say it anyway. It helps us to post about it here. I am glad you did that. It helped me, too. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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