Just Need to Vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LitlPixy, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    Ugh! difficult child informed me tonight that I have no business intruding in her school life. I'm supposed to allow her to make all the choices! Tomorrow is her first day BACK to school, after two weeks at SRC (a step before being sent to Alternative School). She was sent there for being very disrespectful and refusing to do her work at school, not to mention disrupting class. Did I mention this is her second go around in 7th grade?

    How dare I tell her that I won't allow any "missing work". How can I expect that? I know she's trying her best. I should just trust her that she has all under control (because she does) and not only that.... it's her choices that matter because it's HER life, not mine. It's her life, how DARE I tell her what to do. And what's this about me wanting to meet friends' parents and wanting to know exactly where she is all the time? How dare I get on the phone and remind her that her time is up!!!! "Mom, that's why I don't tell you anything...because you always try to control me." "I don't like talking to you" "That relationship you want for us, not happening, because I don't like you" blah, blah, blah, blah....

    She absolutely refuses to take her medicine. We have both Adderall AND Vyvanase to choose from (not taken together, of course). She doesn't like either one. Makes her focus too much at school on her work....doesn't leave enough for her friends. The other day I sat and watched her take her medications. Checked her mouth, hands, etc...still she says she didn't take it but threw it in the trash.

    I was surprised by my reaction to her tonight. She kept telling me to chill out....but I never raised my voice or got excited. I was even and calm. (this was before the glass of Moscato). I kept reminding her that she was the one who needed to calm down. "oh so now you're the perfect mom, huh?" UGHHHHHH!!!!!

    Who was it that wanted to pop heads off? LOL
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I feel for you. I love it when they get into their entitlement. Hope you get some peace at some point. Hide in the bathroom or something for a bit.

  3. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    While this is extremely frustrating - it does sound a lot like normal teenage behavior.

    Just a question for you to consider - do you tend to micromanage your daughters life? (I know I did - and it caused real issues).

    When my daughter was having difficulties in middle school I remember one of her teachers (whom I had tremendous respect for) telling me that it was OK to "hover" over school responsibilities to some degree. But, the goal should be to be completely pulled away by the time she reached high school. IE: If I knew my daughter had a report due, it was ok to micromanage somewhat in middle school. By high school she was suggesting that I shut my mouth and let daughter worry about the project. If she didn't do it - it was her problem. She faced the consequences. What I found was that when I backed off, daughter was forced to pick up the ball and run with it.

    May be worth considering.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Your post reminded me of the statement: Being a mom isn't for sissies.......

    Getting through middle school years was something I would never want to do again.....Good luck with your difficult child.....more than likely you will make it thru and don't give up or in....hoping she mellows in high school....
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    been there done that and still hearing it. As I tell my daughter, I'll happily let you do it all when you start doing it. Until then, I will remind you to clean the cat box, straighten up your room, take care of your responsibilities. The other day, she was going over a friend's. I started to ask her some questions and then remembered that she's 20. I stopped, told her it was none of my business and apologized for starting to ask. She then volunteered she would be home by 11 pm and gave me the phone number. So, it can get better.

    In middle school, it was more than reminders, it was double and triple checking to see things were done. After Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in high school, it was simply asking if things were caught up. If not, it was her responsibility. All I would do was make suggestions how she could talk to her teachers to see what was needed. Today, I don't remind her about work but I do remind her what I want done at home and I'm backing off of that more and more.

    In middle and high school, I heard all of the none of my business, you're too controlling, etc. The most painful one was when she told me she couldn't wait to grow up and move out. I would never see her again nor would I be allowed to share in any part of her life. It does change as they mature. Last night, she asked me to come watch a movie with her, help her learn to ride her new scooter and asked advice about her new job. So, hang in there, it will get better after getting much worse.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    The terrible teens.......ugh! Don't you wonder where they get such big mouths?

    By the way.......HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
  7. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    Pamela, Thank you for the birthday wishes. It was a good day, for everyone.

    goldenguru, She's repeating 7th grade, her grades are awful, and she has a whole slew of missing papers at school. BUT she did read 3 books in the last 10 days. That is actually an achievement. She HATES to read!! I did learn with my oldest daughter that in middle school to allow them to wake themselves up, get ready for school and leave before I even peaked from my bedroom. That really seems to end tension and make for a better day for everyone. LOL However one day my 6th grader scared the living daylights out of me by missing the bus, not telling me he was still in the house and knocking on my bedroom door two hours later. I just froze. There's nobody in the house. WHO WOULD BE KNOCKING ON MY BEDROOM DOOR?! LOL

    Thanks for all of the encouragement from everyone. I can't believe how much this board really helps.

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Litl Pixy, I know what you mean about not peeking out.

    A few years ago (before my hysterectomy AND after) my husband and kids called a family meeting.

    They expressed a strong preference for me NOT to come around anyone until I had imbibed several cups/pots of coffee.

    In fact, they really thought mornings would be better WITHOUT me!!!

    I slept in and they all managed quite well.

  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My easy child teenager is so like this-honestly their know-it-all attitude and sense of entitlement drive me nuts!
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it, but it sounds as though she will be attending Alternative school. (YUCK!) She's right in as much as you can't make her behave or do schoolwork. You absolutely can drop her off at school in the morning, speak with her teachers and her administrators, etc. The rest is up to her. I hope that she won't make more poor choices.