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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636756" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Want to know how to get peace?</p><p></p><p>Tell her, "Now that you are 20 and an adult, you are going to have to find ways to do what you want to do without asking me to take care of it." Then stick to it. After a few tantrums and threats and nasty names you will get called (and can hang up on), she will see it is not her show anymore. She is not ten and you won't get her candy just because she wants it.</p><p></p><p>Her trip back to your state, without a job or a place to live was very foolish, but she made that decision and, as an adult, should have to figure out what to do about her choice. She could start by looking hard for a job.</p><p></p><p>These difficult children *do* think they are the center of the universe and all of the planets and stars revolve around them. Sometimes I wonder if they know that life goes on when they are sleeping.</p><p></p><p>The best thing we can do for ourselves and also for them (although they won't see it that way) is to let them find their own life path and let go of taking care of them. And it does not help them grow up if we listen to their abuse. When my son is abusive over the phone now (He is two states away, which is a good thing) I gently hang up the phone and then sometimes won't answer for a few days. He has been a lot nicer since he realizes I mean it when I say I refuse to listen to him if he is at all abusive, calls me names, or even yells at me. I'm surprised at how well it is working.</p><p></p><p>Don't be surprised your daughter didn't call you. difficult children are so self-centered that they don't call because we may be worried or, God forbid, just to ask how WE are doing. We hear from them when they want something....a warm house for free, money, a ride, etc. It is a pattern with almost all of our difficult children. They go strangely silent unless they want something and it is hard to have a good relationship with a person like that, sad as it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636756, member: 1550"] Want to know how to get peace? Tell her, "Now that you are 20 and an adult, you are going to have to find ways to do what you want to do without asking me to take care of it." Then stick to it. After a few tantrums and threats and nasty names you will get called (and can hang up on), she will see it is not her show anymore. She is not ten and you won't get her candy just because she wants it. Her trip back to your state, without a job or a place to live was very foolish, but she made that decision and, as an adult, should have to figure out what to do about her choice. She could start by looking hard for a job. These difficult children *do* think they are the center of the universe and all of the planets and stars revolve around them. Sometimes I wonder if they know that life goes on when they are sleeping. The best thing we can do for ourselves and also for them (although they won't see it that way) is to let them find their own life path and let go of taking care of them. And it does not help them grow up if we listen to their abuse. When my son is abusive over the phone now (He is two states away, which is a good thing) I gently hang up the phone and then sometimes won't answer for a few days. He has been a lot nicer since he realizes I mean it when I say I refuse to listen to him if he is at all abusive, calls me names, or even yells at me. I'm surprised at how well it is working. Don't be surprised your daughter didn't call you. difficult children are so self-centered that they don't call because we may be worried or, God forbid, just to ask how WE are doing. We hear from them when they want something....a warm house for free, money, a ride, etc. It is a pattern with almost all of our difficult children. They go strangely silent unless they want something and it is hard to have a good relationship with a person like that, sad as it is. [/QUOTE]
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