Just sad

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nessie, Nov 1, 2017.

  1. Nessie

    Nessie Member

    My son is back in our home because he has nowhere else to go. I feel sorry for him, love him and want him to get better but none of us are happy. He is due back to the police station in 3 weeks to find out what he is being charged with- this will likely carry a custodial sentence. It’s all very bleak and depressing!

    A very good friend of mine lost her 20 year old son five weeks ago to meningitis and I have struggled to not let this seriously affect me. We had many conversations during the past few years and she was fully aware of all of my sons problems and his suicidal thoughts, I truly believed our conversation would go the other way round.

    Her sons funeral was incredibly hard, lots of people talking about him and all of his achievements. It just highlighted how much my son is wasting and how cruel life can be.It makes my so angry and so sad. When I left the funeral I could not stop crying, properly sobbing and then I felt horribly guilty because I knew I was crying more for my own situation.

    So, for the next three weeks I’m back to limbo and killing myself trying to heal my broken family and understand what the hell went wrong. Please wish me strength
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I wish you strength and offer heartfelt prayers if you accept them. I am so sorry. This sounds incredibly hard.
     
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nessie, I'm so sorry. We know here how heartbreaking and devastating it is when our kids go off the rails. It mars our mother's hearts in ways that are incomprehensible, even to us. I can't imagine how difficult it was to go to your friend's son's funeral, especially in the midst of your own heartbreak.

    In the next 3 weeks make a strong commitment to yourself to take care of YOU. Whatever that means to you. Nourish yourself. Nurture yourself. Do very kind things that make you happy and calm. Get as much support as you can.

    Sometimes we just don't know "what went wrong" we have to learn to accept whatever it is. You didn't cause this, you can't change it or control it. All we can do is learn ways to respond to all of it.

    Sending prayers for strength and for peace. And, hugs for your wounded heart.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. Lila256

    Lila256 New Member

    What a horrible situation. I have totally been there, where you are counting the days, waiting for something to happen, hoping that it will go a certain way. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you much strength over the next few weeks!
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh Nessie;

    Don't feel guilty. Your allowed to feel the grief and dissapointment that you feel. It was very supportive and courageous of you to go to the funeral of your friends son.

    We compare and we shouldn't. I know I do it too. I compare to someone else's grief. I compare to someone else's successful child. I have to stop and realize it is what it is. This is my burden and I feel how I feel. No comparison necessary.

    Do take care of yourself. It is so very difficult and disappointing.

    Sending hugs and support.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  6. Nessie

    Nessie Member

    Sometimes it feels like this whole thing has made my personality change and I don’t like it. I used to sympathise and empathise with people and with situations and now I just feel bound to my own situation. I hate that. I used to care so much about things and now I don’t even have the head space.

    I feel like I might be coming to the end of the line with my son. I am not sur if this is self preservation, protecting my family or a nervous breakdown.

    Before all of this I was a confident nurse, mother of 3, wife, house keeper and so much more. Now, I am not even me. People come to me with problems and I feel like screaming at them. I imagine I have every horrible medical condition imaginable and sleep is a luxury.

    I’m pretty sure you all know the script I just sometimes need to let it out.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    You described me to a T. It does get better. A month ago I would not have thought so. Situation isn't better, but I am. Feeling more like me.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is okay to feel like you cannot empathize or sympathize with anyone. : 'Your "pathize" is all used up right now' is how a lady in my AlAnon group used to put it. It doesn't last forever, I promise. It just means that you are going through a lot and you have to give yourself time to process and work it all out.

    No matter how wonderful you are (and you ARE wonderful!!!), sometimes the situation is just too much! It swamps you and you need some time before you can respond to anything else the way you normally would. That is perfectly normal and okay. It means you are working and your systems are processing everything the way they should. If they were handling everything without a hitch, something in you would be absolutely, terrifyingly wrong. This situation is just way too much for anyone to process without needing some extra time and help.

    Take the time and space and let your systems handle them as they need to. Trust your body and brain to handle this stuff. They are smarter than you think they are. (((((hugs)))))
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  9. Southern51

    Southern51 New Member

    I can relate to so much of what you wrote. In times like this... I try to remind myself that we are not our kids. I never wanted my kid to become addicted to heroin, just as I'm sure you didn't want your child to suffer through his issues. We didn't cause it. It's not us. We did, and do, what we can. We can only have hope for the future.
     
  10. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I get it.

    I used to be a different person. I have changed. And to be honest maybe some of the changes are ok. Some are not.

    It sounds like you could have burnout or compassion fatigue. It happens in the caregiving jobs and I’m sure with parents of high needs kids like ours.

    I have been were you are. I think I am getting better though.... I hope I am anyway.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List