Just saying

[givingmybest]

I haven't been here long but I just wanted to say what I've noticed here....

It's so great that nobody here is judging. I have given up talking to even some of my friends about the problems I am having with my son because even they judge. I can see it in their eyes and hear it in the comments they make - "tell him no", "ground him" - or similar. Really? Do you not think I have tried these things? I guess the ones that are judging aren't the friends I thought they were.

I just want to say thanks! I'm glad I found this place.

 

[buddy]

I have said those same words... to school too. Really, I had never thought of THAT!! and I have said to school, if THAT would work, it would have worked a LONG time ago ...the first time and the 50th time it was tried. IT doesn't work! (a variety of things)

I agree, that is why I am here daily. I think I craved this so much...people who understood and wouldn't say my son was a horrid, disrespectful kid with an awful mom who doesn't make him stop swearing and being physical. If it hurts me, I can only imagine how much it hurts Q.

I am glad you found us too. Ignore the ignorant. They probably mean well at times, but they just can't possibly get it.

 

[BusynMember]

Once we have been there, how can we judge? It is like judging ourselves? It takes living with a drug addict to see that one can be a caring, involved parent who does everything you're supposed to do and still find out her child is taking drugs.

There is no judgment here.

 

[toughlovin]

Agreed on the no judgement.... and I think even really well meaning friends want to help you find a solution, sometimes when there is none. I have one friend who i care about who is older than me.... and once she asked how my son was doing... and then started telling me how I had to give him chores, and make him do blah blah blah. Like that was going to stop his drug use. Sure it worked with her kids but they did not have drug problems!!!

And my son is now 20.... I finally said to her, there is NOTHING I can do at this point. Really.

I just think it is hard for other parents to accept that there is nothing you can do....they want to feel that they have control over their kids behavior and so don't want to accept that you don't... because if you don't maybe they don't either.

Fact is once kids reach their teens parents have a whole lot less control.... with a easy child that is natural healthy progression as they may make some mistakes but also learn responsibility.... with a difficult child its a different story.

TL

 

[Zardo]

I have so felt that so many times before. I have one friend in particular who will say things like - "why don't you just tell him this or that"? Then he launches in to a story about how he really laid it on thick with his kid about this or that and he knows the boundries. Of course, he kid is a self-directed, straight A student. Over time, I learned to not tell him much and when he does pontificate I say "I am so happy for you that your son is so well behaved and I pray for you that as he moves through adolescence that you never have to deal with issues like this" (his son is 12) AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

No judgement here. And by the way - we have been to hell and back, but I still believe that my son has a good and pure heart and one day, when he is older, he will be just fine. I bet yours will too.

 

[givingmybest]

"but I still believe that my son has a good and pure heart and one day, when he is older, he will be just fine."

I do believe this about my son as well. It's hard to see him go from such a happy carefree kid with a heart of gold to what is like at the moment. I know deep down he's in there - I just have to help him find it again.