Just so hurt. Am I blind?


Well-Known Member
After 65 years of wondering "whats wrong with me" and of course Aspergers/ high functioning autism is sort of new but the difference between men and women with it is just being figured out.... I know this was a big part of me all my life. I know I am an Aspie. No doubt.

Auties dont like touch and at birth and older I would not let my mother hold me or hug me
She had to prop my bottle in the crib. I wouldnt be held. I kicked her if she tried to hug me when a toddler. Raher than wondering what was wrong with her baby (she would not have found out at that time, but could have tried to help me instead of calling me names that made me feel worse) but she never attached to me. She lacked empathy, at least for child me. She was a real biotch to me. There was no excuse.

Both girl and boy Aspes have meltdowns when sensory issues overload you, even as adults. That was me. Screaming, discord, trying to hear more than one person at a time....I lost it. And was called "bad" when I knew I.was good. My family of chaos was contentious and a trigger for an Aspie. This has never happened with others in my life because others were calmer.

I dont miss them. They never tried to understand so poop to them.

Without a full total evaluation, I know I have Aspergers. Just from listening to symptoms, I know. Too bad I learned so late but there is vindication and peace even this late in life.

I also have a mood disorder which is very common with Aspergers.

I am.so sure I have it that I would jump off a cliff if I took the new test and was not diagnosed. My other diagnostitians were iffy about it and said I didnt have it due to eye contact and talkativeness.

Bit overtalking and not knowing when to quit and being repetitive is part of Aspergers. Thats me, me, me.

I understand not recognizing grandma with a new hairstyle. I recognize people by hair and body build. If they change hairstyles I often have no idea who they are.

I.am very grateful to have seen this thread and do some serious research. Now my life makes sense like it never has before. I could have had help if born today. I am bright but school work was so hard with the distractions in a classroom. Oh well.

I am not going to cry about what might have been. I am going to celebrate what today brings.

Thanks to all of you.
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