Just some thoughts.

[Anaheimfan]

Ever have friends or family ask you "can we have one outing without you predicting the apocolypse?" when you look for the closest exit, security kiosk, or police booth. Or maybe people tell you "It's gonna be okay, don't worry over nothing."? I hear it quite frequently...They also tell me I worry too much, and that not everything that happens is going to be the Worst Case Scenerio.

I will admit, I'm thinking of the Worst Case Scenerio a lot of the time...An example would be someone going out to a party, the first thing I figure is they're going to get severely intoxicated and be sexually assaulted, killed in a car accident/kill someone else, everything that goes along with that. Or maybe I look at a situation and figure that everything is going to go to dirt in 5 seconds...Figure that something very bad is going to happen.

Then there are the times when I come across as close-minded and pessemistic...But I am not a pessemist, I'm a realist...

In our job, we see the worst possible outcome of any situation. We're the ones working that 13-year-old OD patient, we're the ones fighting the fire started by the jealous ex husband, we're the ones crawling into wrecked cars and cutting out the 17-year-old girl who said "I'll be fine, I can make it home." Our brothers in blue deal with the punks who have been rejected so they go out and rape the girl who rejected them, the street trash who sell Anphetamine Drugs and Ecstacy to pre-schoolers, and they deal with the parents who are so stoned that they LAUGH at their starving 3-year-old when he cries out in pain from the hunger....

Yes, there are more good people in the world than bad people and not everyone is like that. But, let's face it, you can't ignore it...It's all around us...That is reality. We don't live in a perfect world...We don't all follow the 10 Commandments and a lot of us may not be going to Heaven...Maybe some of us broke the Commandments for a good reason (Is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed a starving family?) (Is it wrong to kill a man to save your life or someone else's if there is no other way?)

The fact is, the more of the stuff you see, the more you get desensitized to it...The more death you see, the easier it is to deal with when you run a fatal. The more abuse you see, it makes it easier to treat the patients and take statements and hear all the details....But it also disillusions you.

It's not the proper mindset to have...We should always look to the bright side, even on the darkest day...but it happens. If that's what you see day-in-day-out, it conditions you. An example of that would be nothing you see on the news surprises you anymore...Your reaction to these incidents gets to be lesser and lesser. One day you're shouting at the baby-raper on the TV, the next you're shrugging it off like "Ce'st La Vie." One day you're puking at the scene of that car wreck and crying inconsolably in the cab of the Ambo after that Domestic Abuse call, the next day you're touching the bodies bare-handed and joking about rednecks as you leave a scummy trailer with someone's badly beaten family member in the back.

So, what I'm really trying to say in all of this, is that it's okay to be Uber Optimistic, so as long as your feet are firmly rooted on the ground and you realize what's going on out there "on the street." I'm also telling you enjoy life, enjoy what's out there...Don't let anything hold you back, hug your children/spouses, shout out to the world from the top of a mountain, just enjoy your life and don't take things for grantid.

 

[Jena]

Ok, that was alot of thought there

Yes I do feel that the more we see we do become desentizited (can't spell) to some extent. Yet life is filled with-both good and bad. Although one can see alot of bad, and gruesome reality i think the trick is finding the balance within that knowledge and reality to be able to live your life with-o always expecting the "worst", or the assault to go along with-the party and the intoxication.

It's great to be aware of "what" can happen, yet i do believe as human beings we need to be careful how we process that information and also decompartmentalize what it is we see during the day or on our jobs. So that we dont walk around always expecting the worst in each scenario that life presents us.

thanks for the thoughts.......

 

[Hound dog]

Family/friends always do that to me. I don't think I'm a pessimist either, really. Just more realistic and aware of the true horrors my fellow human beings are capable of doing to themselves and to others.

My main thought track is to protect those I care about. Remember Y2K? I had a 6 month supply of food and bottled water stored up, plus husband and I had stocked up on lanterns and the like for survival without power. Ok, so no it didn't happen. But we had no way of knowing it wasn't going to happen, and I wasn't going to get caught with my pants down when I had 3 kids to worry about.

I always find the nearest exit. I'm always aware (even if on a subconscious level) of who is around me. And I always listen to my instincts which are pretty darn accurate. And if not.....well, better to be embarrassed than dead or worse, huh?

sister in law called and asked if he could give me a gun. I was tempted. But said no, not yet. Travis is still here......and that is a danger. So far the Travis factor isn't outwieghed by what I see around me. Told him when it is, I'll be asking for that gun. And I'm one hellova shot.

Society has a dangerous tendency to think "it'll never happen to me".

I can be optomistic. Each new child born brings with it the promise of Hope and a better world. But it's tempered with a healthy dose of reality.

Uh........maybe I am a pessimist afterall.

 

[Jena]

Lisa no your not lol. I look for exits also. Umm that's just being aware to me, the world we live in today is so different than that of years ago.

 

[Abbey]

Gosh, I've read this post several times. I don't do that paranoid thing, except for driving. That's a huge issue.

If it's going to happen, it will happen. On my last flight the only seat available was the exit area. I said, "Yep...sigh me up. I think I can open the door." Sheesh.

Abbey

 

[tiredmommy]

Ahaheimfan-

The priest for my church is one of the local police chaplains and I'm friends with several members of our volunteer fire department and their emt's. I am not a first responder but have had the honor to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with many over the years. The thing is, becoming desensitized or seeing the worst case scenario can be a serious signs of stress.

You may need a debriefing or other counselling to help you get back to a more balanced view on life. I'm not saying that you may need this out of weakness, because first responders are a tough bunch of people, but you are people. Sometimes, people get stuck and need to talk to someone who has been there done that. Talk to your fire chief or resource person. The world isn't all bad, nor is it all hunky-dory. It's time for you to be able to live your life without carrying the stress of your service into every situation.

 

[Anaheimfan]

(*Disclaimer: I was in a perfectly normal frame of mind when I started the thread. Just figured I would try my hand at an article about enjoying life *)
I've spoke with my service Chaplain, and I spoke with my EMS Supervisor when I was there, and it helped me debrief, but I've been this way for as long as I can remember...But now it's just because I've seen what I have. I think I'm a bit too realistic for my own good.

Jena, I agree completely, we do need to be careful of how we process information and things we see. How you react to a situation when it happens has a lot to do with how you deal with it once it's been dealt with. Personally, I think you even rationalized what could be perceived as pessimism (probably spelt wrong) as being aware, good on ya

Daisy, I too expected something to happen on Y2k, figured the clock would hit 24 and that would be it, either that or planes would start falling out of the sky and the world would lose power. And as you said, we had no way of knowing it wasn't going to happen.

I know there's hope in the world whenever I see a group of kids planting trees or learning how to Conserve Wildlife or helping old ladies across the road. As I said, the good outweighs the bad. There's way more good stuff, like petting spending time with your pets, family and friends; Thunderstorms (I love'em I love'em I love'em), sunny days hiking through the bush, cloudy days sitting at the harbor, listening to some soft/uplifting music while you enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. And when I think of all of those things, that's what keeps me from going CooCoo For CoaCoa Puffs.

Ahaheimfan-

The priest for my church is one of the local police chaplains and I'm friends with several members of our volunteer fire department and their emt's. I am not a first responder but have had the honor to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with many over the years. The thing is, becoming desensitized or seeing the worst case scenario can be a serious signs of stress.

You may need a debriefing or other counselling to help you get back to a more balanced view on life. I'm not saying that you may need this out of weakness, because first responders are a tough bunch of people, but you are people. Sometimes, people get stuck and need to talk to someone who has been there done that. Talk to your fire chief or resource person. The world isn't all bad, nor is it all hunky-dory. It's time for you to be able to live your life without carrying the stress of your service into every situation.

 

[Jena]

LOL that's funny i guess i did

I've found since i started my new job that my anxiety level has increased dramatically. I have a problem with putting things into their little box and leaving the work at work. Sounds like your having the same problem. I've spoken to a friend of mine who is a pyschologist and she said it's all about self care and putting things in their spot on the little shelf.

hypervigilant i think it's called what you and I probably do to some extent. Yet it can be so hard to live life with-always thinking of "what can happen". And as far as your disclaimer lol, you know we are woman and if you put something out there we are all gonna jump on board lol, also because that's what we do we care.

i'll post stuff one minute when my emotions are raw than the next day i'm calm and will reread it and say wow look where i was last night?? lol yet the insight from everyone here is beyond helpful.

I'm just wondering do you go out, take breaks for you inbetween work?? socialize that sorta thing. it's hard what you do, the stuff gets to you i'm sure. my junk gets to me i come home and it replays in my head after i talk a kid down from committing suicide or a parent who doesn't know how to deal with it. i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) so you can imagine lol it's like a movie that won't shut off

 

[Marcie Mac]

I grew up with a mother who was the ultimate with the negative thought process about bad stuff happening, it didn't matter what you were going to do, even a simple visit to the movie theatre came with a warning that I had to wear a coat and leave it on because there were bad men who injected little kids with hypodermic needles so they could kidnap them. Thankfully she never finished these little factoids of what would happen AFTER they did this. I wish I could say she went there because she thought this tact would work with a little kid who had a major ADHD thing going on and absolutely no impulse control and absolutely no fear of anything, but it wasn't the case, she just sees boogeymen and bad stuff and dead people EVERYWHERE, to this day and she is in her late 80's. I feel sorry she has wasted years of her life in this paranoid lump of existance, that fear has not let her just find the joy in "winging" it, or playing it by ear, and IF something bad happens, deal with it then.

Thankfully I grew up to be the ultimate optimist - how could I not be - after so many dire warnings of "bad stuff" that never ever happened, after a while she was just tuned out - any good "warnings" were lost in the overload of negativity, and anything that came out of her mouth was equaled in my mind as she was full of carp.

Yeah, there is bad stuff out there, bad people, bad situations. I avoid reading about them, or watching them on the tube - too much overload of this stuff starts coloring your perception of the world, and will **** the joy out of your life if you let it. If bad stuff is comming my way, I will deal with it when it gets here.

Kudo's to you for doing a job like you do - I couldn't do it.

Marcie

 

[Anaheimfan]

I get out a fair bit for socialization, I'm a regular at the local coffee where/restaurant, my buddy and me go out fishing, I walk a lot, and depending on the season, there's always a lil get together or 2 up at my Cap's place where we all sit around the camp fire and talk from 5:00 in the evening to 5:00 the next day. Same goes for when we're up at the cottage, my old man, my uncle and me will be up till 4:30 talking about the family--even if we went over the exact same thing last time we were up.

I'm glad that y'all care, and I can tell by your posts elsewhere on this board exactly how caring you are.

Jena, yes, sometimes it is hard to leave it at work...It's hard to leave everything in that little box, or leave it on the rack beside the Engine...And it certianly helps to have friends who aren't in your line of work, they offer a really good outsider view...A friend who's a psychologist is certainy a plus.

 

[Hound dog]

Yeah, there is bad stuff out there, bad people, bad situations. I avoid reading about them, or watching them on the tube - too much overload of this stuff starts coloring your perception of the world, and will **** the joy out of your life if you let it. If bad stuff is comming my way, I will deal with it when it gets here.

Very true Marcie. I do the same. I don't watch the news, I don't read the paper. Sometimes I will look at something if someone draws my attention to it. And I guess I'm aware of what is going on because those around me do watch the news ect. But the news is too negative for me. It thrives on human suffering.

While I may always be alert, I also take great care to enjoy what life has given me.

Simple things like watching a group of 4-7 yr olds attempting to play a game of soccer while keeping those watching in a constant chuckle does wonders to lift those dark clouds of gloom and doom. I actively seek out the beauty in the world and use it as a buffer.

Anaheimfan you have one of the hardest jobs there are, and often the least appreciated and most taken for granted. It takes a special person to do the job you do everyday. Nichole hopes to work in that area and I am always encouraging her to build up her support system and a good balance system in her life. What you're exposed to day in and day out is still going to get to you, but it helps to have an active life apart from it as well.

Hugs

 

[Jena]

I agree with-Lisa on that one. I also do not watch a whole of the news, i try to keep up with the important stuff yet other stuff just gets me too hard and for too long.

It sounds like you have a great balance going on, much better than I. that's for sure. I wish I could tell you how to put it in the box, and take it down when needed. I have moments, it could be a sunrise or a great sunset, a day difficult child is just very happy and not at all her usual worried self and it's in those moments that i find my balance I think. It's when i see that there is so much good out there it helps me put the bad somewhere else.

I also journal when I really need to get it out of my head. That helps too sometimes. a bit. I go to work and i see these kids, in horrifying situations, or having experienced horrible abuse. There are times I cry, I'll just sit in my truck inbetween appointments and literally ball, than dry my eyes and go to the next house.

If I find out how to box it better, i'll let you know..

 

[totoro]

I think this can even be applicable with our G'sFG.
I have found that while I am a realist, at times I have to step back and tell myself not to expect every Symptom of her Bipolar to happen and be.
It is hard at times when you know so many do commit suicide, so many do turn to drugs, so many do end up hospitalized... with how severe she is at such a young age.
How do you not at times fall into the, "it will be the worst case scenario"

But then I step back and remember that it might not all come to fruition, that it will not! And keep trying to remain positive.
But I will never be an over the top blow sunshine unrealistically up your bottom kind of girl.

 

[Jena]

Toto - you are funny, yup me too when it comes to the sunshine up the butt stuff.

When i first found out difficult child was BiPolar (BP), i cried alot, i coddled her, I was so emotional all the time it was insane. I think we go through stages or at least that's what i've been taught in my training.

They say and Susie here also taught me that it's first shock, denial, than you accept it and deal.

I think that we gotta keep seeing those moments in our kids, when all is well and you can't tell anything's up with them, that i think is what we have to focus on to help keep us grounded in the person that they truly are. At least that's what I do. Each mos i try to think of one little tiny thing that got better, and believe me it can be so so tiny yet it helps me see beyond the struggle of the moment. It helps me think that a future will be possible.

i don't know just my ramblings lol

 

[Hound dog]

Toto you are so right. Definately can apply to raising difficult children. Sometimes I wonder if that's how I survived with my sanity still in tact. lol

 

[ThreeShadows]

Oh, boy! Can I relate to the "disaster scenarios"! I think that's why I agreed to move to Maine. I grew up with the fear of a nuclear holocaust. In Maine I learned to grow and can my family's food. That's a very powerful thing to do.
I had a stash of food and water for Y2K, only problem, water box had BIG hole in it! I felt really silly when I found that out...

Now I'm glad we live 1 1/2 hrs from Difficult Child, 'cause I'm too tired to worry any more and if they drop the bomb we'll be toast before anyone else. Have you ever read On The Beach by Neville Shute?

 

[trinityroyal]

Anaheimfan, I'm so glad you started this thread. It's thought provoking.

I am the eternal sunny optimist (you know, one of those sickening morning people who drive everyone else crazy with their happy-happy-joy-joy). I usually go into a situation expecting the best, and often wild and crazy happy things happen.

My husband, on the other hand, is an uber-realist. Not a pessimist, but always prepared and ready to deal with any emergencies that might come along. He checks exits, plans escape routes, identifies suspicious characters, and is always on the alert. He also worries to death about dire things happening. All. The. Time.

Here's an example...
One day a few summers ago, we came home from work, looked out the back window and saw difficult child (trained as a lifeguard, and an excellent swimmer) floating in the hot tub. My first thought was, "Oh. difficult child looks like he's having a good time out there." husband's first thought was, "Oh My GOD he's dead!" He was fine, and having a good time out there, just as I thought.

husband is a great guy to have around when something terrible does happen, because he's level headed, has a plan, and can give clear direction to the panicky people who would otherwise get us all killed.

Thing is, in an emergency situation, I react the same way husband does. I know where the exits are, have a good idea of who the creepy ones are in a crowd, and react well during a crisis (and then faint afterward, once I know everyone is safe).

I don't think there's any real psychological problem with focusing on the doom and gloom, as long as you break out of it sometimes and have others near you who can offer you another perspective. Sometimes I need to be talked down out of the clouds, when a situation is actually that bad, and I can't just Pollyanna my way out of it. Balance. That's the key, I think.

Trinity