Just spoke with-difficult child!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Feb 4, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He said he needs clothes- he has nothing to wear- is there any way I can bring him some now? Uhmmm- No, sorry. The sw and others calling me last evening and earlier today should have mentioned that to me. I thought since he went there from juvy that he had to wear other things besides street clothes. Ok, maybe I should have known better. So, I guess I'll be going there tomorrow afternoon and Friday both.

    difficult child described it. It sounds like a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), not a psychiatric hospital. He said he wants to stay for 90 days. He said he'd rather be there where he has access to dr's whenever he needs them. :surprise: I said ok. He said someone from our county mental health came and talked to him and is going to recommend he stay and a gal showed up- but not the one he had before- and she is signing for him to stay. (The sw asked me today if I was in agreement with him staying and I said yes, as long as he needs to) He said they all told him that if he didn't really need to stay, that he would go back to juvy, not home. I said that is true, but I didn't want him to make something up or not tell the truth just to keep from having to spend time in juvy. He said "oh, no, I just told the the truth about some things and they said that was plenty to keep 'me' here". :faint:

    Well, that's good, in a sad way. I told him though that he would have these charges to face and he said he knew. I told him I'm sorry it came to this, but I had to do it and I had to also get him more help but I would ask his attny to ask for charges to be reduced because we had been trying to get help before this transpired. He said ok, but he did not want the judge to think that I made these things up or pushed him to do something just to get him in there or away from home. I can't believe he even thought of that- sounds more like maybe people have been asking him those questions...????

    Well, I guess he owned up to it and took responsibility and is telling them he wants help. That's my son (even if just sometimes)! :D

    Maybe I've done something right after all!!

    I sooo hope the judge doesn't turn him over to state or give him a long detention for these charges- if he really sticks by working things out there.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Soemone from police dept just called. I must have serious ptsd going on- I was holding my breath asking what happened- did something else happen? She said no, she was calling as a vicitim's rep or something. I told her I was feeling much better that the main things to me were that it was nipped in the bud, difficult child is not going to grow up developing this habit so he ends up being an abusive adult or even worse, does something drastic before he makes it to adulthood and that he gets help, which he is asking for. Since it looks like those three things are getting addressed right now, there is a huge weight off my back. And I told her it should not have come to this point because he was teetering between mania and doing something drastic like this and being at the point of suicide and had been asking for help and that I had done everything I could to get help for him before it got to this point.

    Which lead me to the piont of "why did he get a malicious wounding charge when I only was scratched" I told her I didn't want him to walk from it and definitely was not blowing this off as no big deal, but I didn't want him having felony charges for wounding when it did not warrant that. Plus, he is on a suspended sentence to state commitment, but unfortunately, it took this to get him help. So, if he stays in cooperation with getting help, I do not think it's fair for him to turn around and be sent to state juvy when he asked for help beforehand and they wouldn't give it. She said she understood and was aware of all that. She said she couldn't change charges now, but could put some word into a sargent or someone who could try to do something at difficult child's court. She said she would be in contact with me again before the court.

    Ok- let's look at it this way. If my child were about to do something horrible and I had been informed by school or cops that there was a high risk for this and I didn't address it all, then difficult child did it, would I not also be charged? Yes, I would. So, shouldn't they be held accountable instead of blaming it all on difficult child? I should have asked her if she could arrest PO. LOL!
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member


    wow i'm so out of the loop with whats been going on with-you guys i'm so sorry. I'm still catching up, getting adjusted etc.

    So, it sounds to me like he's in a good place. I'm happy to hear that and him being honest as well in regards to wanting help and the way in which he expressed himself. I don't really know as to the rest of it because i missed out on alot.

    I just wanted to jump in offer support and say how glad I was to read that he was somewhere safe and that your ok.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    klmno, do you remember the Serenity Prayer? I think now is the time to repeat it to yourself. You do need the serenity to accept the things you can not change, the courage to change the things you can....and the wisdom to know the difference.

    You're doing a good job but don't forget the wisdom found in that short prayer. It could save your sanity like it has many of us. Hugs. DDD
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you both- good reminder, DDD!! Like I told the policeman that called, one part of me is still coming to terms with what happened and the fact that it was my son that did it. The other side of me is still trying to be an objective mom who's looking out for his best interest. It just isn't the same as living in an abusive marriage where a wife gets a grip one day and kicks the man out and doesn't care what happens to him.
  6. good job, klmno! Make sure while he's there getting help that you make some time for yourself. I know how stressed you must be. It is great that he has said he wants to stay there and get help.

    Hugs to you,

  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    In a situation like this, does the kid usually never come home to live again?
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    klmno, first off (((HUGS))). My daughter has been in juvie twice, hospital 9 times and jail twice and they still sent her home!!!! I think him being in the hospital is the best place for him. I hope you can finally find some peace, at least for now. Please, please take care of yourself. Sleep well at night, he is safe and getting stable. You are and have been doing a great job!!!

    Hang in there hun!! :)
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad he is in the hospital and hopefully for as long as he needs so he can get the help he needs. It's good he is owning up to things. Gentle hugs.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you! You know, thru all this, over the course of time, I have thought that there would be times that he would try to put blame on me for everything (more than the typical teen "it's your fault" attitude) and my therapist even tried to prepare me for that. But so far, my son has never done that. For that, I am grateful. My therapist said some kids even accuse their parents of sexual abuse to try to get out of trouble when they see they have a gal and public mental health people showing up.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    You are a great mom and you have a good kid there. He has a mental illness but he has a good heart. I think you're doing a lot of things right and making the best out of a basically no win situation. Celebrate the little victories. Love and prayers, ML
  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hope and pray that this is FINALLY the help you both need!
    You have done so much and come so far.
    You are seriously going to be the board guru on juvie and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s... unfortunately!
    One day at a time.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Somehow that isn't the expertise I have dreamed of all these years, totoro. LOL!!

    I have it on my list to check out a book that Star mentioned on another thread about stuff like this.

    Thank you, ML!!
  14. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    klmo, you have done a great job. I know your mind is full of "what if" and "what will happen" ... but I want you to do your best to stop thinking about the future for a day or so... you've earned a much-deserved mental rest from all the worry. The Serenity Prayer works.. as well as just resting or distracting your mind, knowing that you can'tdo a thing about it *this minute*. That's not to say there isn't work still to do, but try to breathe easy, for now. You are safe, difficult child is safe. That's what matters at the moment.

  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ooookkkaaaaayyy....but that really is not my strong point, Crazy. :(
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    KLMNO, this is one of the most hopeful threads I have read from you in a long time. I am very impressed with-your difficult child's comments on the phone.
    I've got my fingers crossed for both of you.
  17. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I agree with Terry.........this sounds hopeful! I am so happy for you and difficult child that this whole situation may be turning around?

    Sorry, I get lost easily:tongue: but tell me again where exactly difficult child is?
    A private psychiatric hospital? Or did he go to a State phosph? Is there the possibility that they recommend him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) after that?

    I was so thinking about ya last night - and I am so glad at least one thing is going right today for you.

    You know Matt is the same way as your difficult child. He totally gets why he is where he is, and he hold no blame towards me whatsoever for placing him there. He is not the oppositional teen blaming me for everything - I think he knows he is ill - just like your kiddo - and they really do want the help - unfortunately it sometimes takes a steam roller to flatten them before they can get the right help.

    Keeping all my fingers and body parts crossed that this many steps forward for you and difficult child.
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    KLMNO, OK her are a few things to think about. I have been through this wih my difficult child 2. In this state and I think it holds true for most if not all the juvie records are sealed and if your difficult child doesn't get into anymore trouble they are expunged. So the juvie detention center stay willnot affect his chances for a job or college. Second until he is of legal age, whenever they feel his is ready to go home, they will send him home unless 1) the judge says he is to stay in prison or 2) you relinquish your parental rights. If you relinquish your rights he will most likely be put into foster care and not necessarily therapeudic foster care.

    The other thing I learned is that when our difficult child's are placed out of our home we do better both for them and ourselves if we just take care of ourselves and rest up for when they are returned to us or the next crisis comes along where we must advocate for them. It is sort of like when they were infants you sleep when the baby sleeps so you are rested when you need to be. These situations take alot out of us and it is OK to take advantage of the time you are not in the trenches to just breathe and relax. I know it sounds odd to tell someone to relax when their kid is in crisis centers or jail but worry doesn't change their situation and it exausts the parent. So while he is out of your home TAKE CARE OF YOU!

    As bad as it may sound, while our difficult child isn't doing too well, husband and I rest so much better when we know difficult child is in a residential program or even in jail. At least we then know that he is warm, getting three squares, and on his medications. ((((HUGS)))) -RM
  19. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    I have been following your story for about two weeks now. I really hope your difficult child has realized a few things and that he is being sincere to you. I hope he gets the help he needs and that you find inner peace over the decisions that you have to make regarding your situation. I know it wasn't an easy thing to do. As parents, we are always torn between doing what we think is actually right for our children and whether it going to hurt their feelings and they wind up "hating" us for the choice that we felt was in their best interest. Good Luck!
  20. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Wow, he sounds as if some thought went into his conversation with you! You certainly deserve a positive turn after all you have been through recently. I hope difficult child's thinking continues on this track. Sending you strength and hugs.