Just spoke with-difficult child!

[CrazyinVA]

LOL klmo.. I know it's not your strong point ;-) Was just a suggestion. I really find that even if it's just for a few hours, thinking of something OTHER than the situation at hand, at least while everything is momentarily stable, really does a LOT of good.. it refreshes me.

 

[klmno]

Thanks everyone! RM: One difference here is that they passed a law a couple of years ago that if the juvenile offense "would be a felony if committed by an adult", the juvenile has to have a file with the state criminal intelligence unit and fingerprints go on the record and they do not get expunged. He already is on their for 2 non-violent offenses. That can effect things like going into military, potentially. But, this of course is considered violent, which would put him in a different class and I think it might be one of those offenses that would have to be told to any school he attends in the state. If he had injured me to the point that I needed medical care, (stiches, broken bone, etc) I could see that, and I do think he should have a charge, but not one that makes it look lkike he did MORE than he did- what he did was bad enough. Even the sd has "malicious wounding" listed as more than what he did. I'm just asking that they reduce the charge to a misdemeanor type- also because he had asked for help and didn't get it beforehand.

 

[klmno]

I just thought of something else. Since he is 14 now and has prior felony convictions, and this would be his 3rd, I think he would be transferred out of juvenile court into general court. So, that would be a whole new ball game. This reminds me of situations with sd when difficult child was in elementary school. It's not that I can't support a punishment, I just want the punishment to fit the crime and circumstances.

 

[Lothlorien]

Hey may not get a conviction on this.
I'm glad he's getting the help he needs.....and that you have enough time away from him to think things clearly and decide what's best for you both.

 

[klmno]

I hope youre right, Loth. Unfortunately they don't really have the "not guilty by reason of insanity" defense heere for kids. By the way everyone,except psychiatrists, approaches things here (even tdocs), all problems exhibited in kids are due to CD and bad parenting.

 

[C.J.]

I so know what you mean about the "professionals" within the system (criminal justice or some RTCs/Juvenile programs) who think parents are an unwanted and unneeded accessory in their kids' lives. We're not bad parents because our children have mental health issues. I admit there are bad parents out there who don't invest the time and trouble to provide the appropriate help from doctors, therapists, medications, etc.

However, for those of us who exhaust ourselves with research, appointments, school meetings, outbursts, physcial and verbal assaults, and finally turn to the criminal justice authorities for an intervention, somehow, we're now to blame for everything.

When I found myself in this situation when N* was placed by the court in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I brought along my three ring binder full of N*'s history - school records, IEP info, every visit to her pediatrician, psychologist, probation officer, lawyer, etc. When someone insinuated I was another bad, uninvolved, and uncaring parent, I'd put the binder on the table, and ask what more I should have done. And smiled sweetly.

 

[klmno]

That's exactly what I'm dealing with CJ! Per mstang's seed planted in my mind, I just sent an update to difficult child's school cm, principal and one teacher from last year (difficult child's favorite teacher) letting them know where difficult child was, the status of things, that he's asking for continued help and sw confirmed that, and that he will be getting more education than he would be in detention and that I would be getting a release form out so they could send his iep and class info. Then, I mentioned that he got access to this amount of help by being arrested and it was unfortunate that is what it took because it could have been prevented if PO and super had not been convinced that bad parenting was the source of all difficult child's problems. I hope some teacher shares that info with her spouse and they both realize that this was 1) a thank you and 2) a message about a bottle neck.