Just spoke with PO

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    She called and had left message- I just found it and called back. She says she is ordering in home therapy and it is now a rule of his probation for both of us to comply. So much for it being my choice as I was told yesterday. I told her I couldn't afford to pay bills this month. She told me I should be listening to what others are telling me. Then she proceeded to tell me how we spend time doing this first. Then I say again I cannot afford to pay bills. She threatened noncompliance from me. I told her I checked on status with judge and there is going to be aa hearing. She said she knew I wasn't at work and difficult child wasn't at school and wanted to know why. Then got mad over that and said shouldn't he be rested up and go to school. I said I had tried to epxlain that things were not normal here. She said "just answer the question". I said yes, he should be, but things aren't like they should be. This is what I'd been trying to tell people. She said she expected him to go to school tomorrow. She wanted to speak to difficult child- he told her he was just tired and couldn't wake up. She went off on me again about all I better do to meet her orders. She said if he went to school, I could get to work. I said yeah, but I couldn't work full time and that I had been doing that for 18 mos but now I was in so deep that this would not solve the problem. Really, who is the one not listening to who here.

    I told her it appeared my choices are what to go to jail for- not putting food on table, being in contempt of court orders, being noncompliant. That was it because I coould not meet all the demands. She said well she's ordering this and when it goes to court, judge will find me noncompliant for not accepting it and complying. I said that's fine, the judge can decide whatever she wants. Put me in jail, put difficult child wherever you think they'll do a good job, she thought she knew what should be done and I scre**d up, so maybe she should raise him. She said she knew I loved my son but couldn't he got live with family while I got back on my feet. I said no - did she not remember this discussion when I testified last Jan and even judge doesn't want me letting them have unsupervised contact now. She said if I signed over custody then difficult child would be placed with family not in foster care. I said well, what did she want me to do, shoot my f'ing self- I simply cannot meet difficult child's needs right now. She said she wanted me to quit cursing her. She said she would try to get in home from someone other than this county so they had more services available. I said then that is different but behavior mod alone will not solve all these problems. She said it would be part of whatever we get. She said she was going to set it up and I could choose to either comply or not but this is what they do to start the process. I said something about being a day late and a dollar short since I'd asked for that 3 years ago. Then it went back and forth some more and she hung up.

    I remember telling judge when I testified last year that these people will threaten to send difficult child to an abusive family just to try to get me to do whatever they wanted me to do. But if they did that, then they should be held accountable for putting my son at risk the same way I would be held accountable if I put him somewhere with someone known or suspected of being an abuser. That's when the judge started asking me questions to make sure I was keeping difficult child safe from them (my family). So if they are stupid enough to send my son there to get back at me somewhere, they deserve to be locked up.
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2009
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good Grief!!!!

    I have nothing new to add to my recent posts of support. That broad is making me angry and I'm not even involved!!!!!

    Have I missed an inning? Did you send the Judge a letter? If so, what has happened via the Courts since that time.

    Sorry I'm not on time target but I DO care and am sending supportive and caring thoughts and prayers for you guys. DDD
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, DDD! The in-between info is in my "county meeting" thread. It's lengthy. It didn't go well. The PO is just jumping to do something now because I brought it to light that she has sat on this and never did anything. Now, she's going to user it to order me around some more.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    My goodness!!! You poor thing. You can't seem to win for losing here. How dare that woman talk down to you. She has NO CLUE how hard it is to raise children like ours!!! Just the fact that you have fought so hard to get your son the services he needs should be proof enough that you are doing your best. There are plenty of parents who just wash their hands of their difficult children and go about their lives and sleep fine at night. The court needs to go after those parents!!! I am so sorry for you. You are my inspiration girl!!!

    Hang in there. You are doing a great job!!! :)
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    At this point, maybe difficult child would end up better off if I went and filed charges against him. At least he wouldn't go to an abusive family- he's go to state juvy prison.

    PO also told me that the judge couldn't order difficult child directly into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I found a law (not sure if it has passed or not) that says a judge can. I'll research and see if it has passed and take it to court with me.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You know, when I read that long post you did, when she said, "It's your choice," I didn't think she would really give you the choice. I thought she was being sarcastic. I think I was right.
    Not a good arrangement. So sorry! Keep breathing.
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I guess each state is different but here in NY the judge can mandate a child into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). In fact that is how my daughter ended up in the last 2 rtcs she was in. If the judge can't, then who can??? I am so sorry you are dealing with such unsympathetic people!!!

    Like Terry said, keep breathing hun!!!
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. That just hoovers. I just cannot believe the stupidity and unprofessionalism. Wow. I really don't know what to say, other than I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
  9. many hugs. I am so sorry that you are having such difficulties trying to get your son the help you know he needs. This woman sounds like a real b****. Anyway, I don't have any advice but just want to offer support and hugs.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that "the system" is messing with you and your child. You've been on my mind as I drove home from work and, sadly, I do not have any brilliant new ideas. My support is steadfast so know you are not alone.

    Did you remember to write notes down after the phone call (and after any and all phone calls). You may have to dance to her tune for the moment but it is terribly important that you record each contact in detail so there can never be any doubt about your goal....help for your child. Hugs. DDD
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am just so sorry. I cannot fathom the stupidity of these people, and then I think of some of the things our local DHS has done and I can see how things happen. It is because they hire stupid people and then let them loose with some power. These "defective" people then end up telling US how to raise our kids, not because they actually have any knowledge, but because they CAN.

    Can I come up and testify that this PO is an idiot and a moron on a power trip and she should be dragged in front of a bunch of parents with rotten tomatoes?

    Or we could put a posse together and come get these people and give them all swirlies? The meeting people and the PO and even the judge if needed. We can turn them upside down and flush all the idiot-ness out of them via swirly therapy!!!!! Can we? Can we? Huh? Huh? Can we? PLEASE MOM, just once, PLEEEEEEASE?

    I wish you didn't have to deal with these stupid people.

    Sending hugs and support. I know you have a lot of pride, but don't forget the local food bank.

    Also, have you applied for SSI for your difficult child? That might give you a tiny bit of a financial boost.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, you should see the PO in front of the judge and others- she's real meek and mousy and hardly speaks- looks down when she speaks and so forth- only says things that make me look like a horrible mother- except yesterday- she didn't talk bad about me during that meeting. In front of the judge- you would think she's afraid of me.

    That's ok, right now I'm thinking that if I don't have a chance to speak at this hearing coming up, I'll have a chance at a show-casue hearing for noncompliance. If they ever order my son to go live with my family, I will file charges against my son. This could all change tomorrow though. LOL! I'm hoping the judge doesn't change her mind about being willing to hear the case since the PO put this order in.

    I'd been willing to consider this more if the PO didn't convince me that this is going to be the same as MST- she's going to tell the therapist what SHE wants us to get therapy for and if we don't do exactly what he says, we're non-compliant. been there done that.

    I hope the judge realizes that something doesn't look right if a parent is making issue over no one helping and PO not doing anything, then all of a sudden once a request for a hearing is put in with all that documented, PO must order me to do this and threaten me with noncompliance.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I found the law about all this but I can't tell for sure what it means. Is anyone out there interested in looking it over and deciphering it? I'd call and ask an attny, but I'm having a hard time finding one that knows juvy law- even the GAL didn't know what she should have about the system.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I get so angry at how they are treating you. It isn't right, it seems like any sensible person would realize how idiotic they sound. ((((Hugs))))
  15. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    If it's legal in your state, I would record those telephone conversations without telling her. They would probably come in handy.

    If all parties have to be aware the conversation is being recorded, I tell her "I'm recording -- new policy on this end."
  16. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    klmo, if you want to send me the cite, I'll look at it. I'm no lawyer, but I'm a paralegal and can decipher with the best of them. Sadly, I know no familhy law attorneys.
  17. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    P.s. ... Hugs.
  18. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    No advice, just sending many gentle hugs your way.
  19. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Kimmo, I have been following your saga - Its been a while since I had to deal with the courts and difficult child's behavior and am so sad to see that nothing has really changed in the system. I did ask the court 2nd time we were before a judge for residential placement, had my letters from the psychiatric doctor, my Parent Report - handed those out like candy.

    If you ask for Residential here thru the court system, and I got it on my first request, they sit in Juvy till one is found. Well, not really found, more like getting a job - Dan was interviewed by numerous places and the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the one that selects whether or not they think they will end up with a success story. The problem with the legal system placing in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is that it is always punitive based, in my humble opinion, with mental health issues comming in second. Dans medications were hit and miss at best, school consisted of everyone in a room and given grade appropriate packets. A PO was assigned to him - no one had any idea of who it was cause he/she never showed. I complained and they did assign someone who didn't believe in Mental Health problems, and one melt down he was sent to Boot Camp. Because he had to "learn" to overcome his impulse control and medications had nothing to do with anything.

    When he was released, I lucked out as his new PO was very savy when it came to mental health issues. She said unfortunately, the courts only deal from a punitive side and give little acknowledgement to the mental health side of things, and had no hope it would be changing anytime soon - from your story, apparently she was right.

  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wish I had some answers for you. This just keeps sliding further and further downhill. Many hugs.