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Just told difficult child she is not welcome back home. Am I wrong?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633216" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>D Neeza, her FB post had nothing to do with her Learning Disability (LD) problems or her mental health issues. Frankly, it's sick. but not sick as in she didn't know what she was doing. She knew.</p><p></p><p>YES on the mourning. All of us have mourned the loss of the child we wanted our adult to grow up to be. We go through a total grieving process. As for her friends, she picks them. You can't blame her friends...she knowingly chose to hang around with them. Again, most likely this is not her first fling with drugs, even serious drugs. And druggies hang with druggies. Nobody else wants anything to do with them.</p><p></p><p>Most of us ignorantly started out believing out adult kids (or minor teens) did not use drugs, then we moved on to agreeing that our kids smoked pot. The truth is, none of us know our child's story when he/she is not with us. When my daughter used drugs she could go a long time acting normal and straight and we were SURE she had quit, but she used drugs constantly from age 12-19. She told us everything after she quit and frankly we were stunned. She was just so good at pretending she was straight, at least around us. Most of them are.</p><p></p><p>If your daughter is disabled, which is determined by state testing, then she can get adult living and support and still not live with you. In my opinion, it's in her best interests to live away from home to become as independent as possible. My autistic son is making tremendous gains in personal growth by being in his own apartment with minimal supports to help him out. He pays his own bills out of his permanant part-time job and his social security. He is not disrespectful to us or mean to anyone in spite of his challenges. Again, in my opinion, there IS no reason to lie, disrespect and abuse your own parents or anybody. That includes mental health issues and learning disabilities, which I suffer from both. But the more you coddle her because of them, the less she will be driven to grow up. There is nothing in her diagnosis that indicates she can't hold a job or live in her own place or get help for her issues, if she is willing to comply with treatment. That is what SHE has to do. You can't do it for her.</p><p></p><p>We all learn that we only have control over one person...us. Your daughter, your husband (if you have one), your other children (if you have any), you mom, your aunt, your BFF, etc. all have 100% control over themselves however they have 0% control over anybody else. If you get responses in Parent Emeritus you'll see what I mean...people there are more eloquent than I am. Most of us have tried EVERYTHING to try to control how our difficult child's think, act, treat us etc. and the only thing that works on our sanity and physical health is to detach and start caring about ourselves, our lives, and those of our loved ones who respect and love us.</p><p></p><p>Is it possible that your daughter is lying about the heroin? It is HIGHLY addictive and very hard to kick. Something is missing here. You don't just start off your drug experience using heroin. That's really hardcore. Either she has been using drugs all along and fooled you, as my daughter did (they are great actors) or the heroin story has to be a lie. I don't know why she'd lie to you...you know her better than I do. It is kind of like her telling her FB friends you're dead, which is obviously a very sick lie. At any rate, you do not need to take her garbage anymore. She is a woman now, with no more challenges than I had and I did grow up, although it was difficult, but I'm glad it happened.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633216, member: 1550"] D Neeza, her FB post had nothing to do with her Learning Disability (LD) problems or her mental health issues. Frankly, it's sick. but not sick as in she didn't know what she was doing. She knew. YES on the mourning. All of us have mourned the loss of the child we wanted our adult to grow up to be. We go through a total grieving process. As for her friends, she picks them. You can't blame her friends...she knowingly chose to hang around with them. Again, most likely this is not her first fling with drugs, even serious drugs. And druggies hang with druggies. Nobody else wants anything to do with them. Most of us ignorantly started out believing out adult kids (or minor teens) did not use drugs, then we moved on to agreeing that our kids smoked pot. The truth is, none of us know our child's story when he/she is not with us. When my daughter used drugs she could go a long time acting normal and straight and we were SURE she had quit, but she used drugs constantly from age 12-19. She told us everything after she quit and frankly we were stunned. She was just so good at pretending she was straight, at least around us. Most of them are. If your daughter is disabled, which is determined by state testing, then she can get adult living and support and still not live with you. In my opinion, it's in her best interests to live away from home to become as independent as possible. My autistic son is making tremendous gains in personal growth by being in his own apartment with minimal supports to help him out. He pays his own bills out of his permanant part-time job and his social security. He is not disrespectful to us or mean to anyone in spite of his challenges. Again, in my opinion, there IS no reason to lie, disrespect and abuse your own parents or anybody. That includes mental health issues and learning disabilities, which I suffer from both. But the more you coddle her because of them, the less she will be driven to grow up. There is nothing in her diagnosis that indicates she can't hold a job or live in her own place or get help for her issues, if she is willing to comply with treatment. That is what SHE has to do. You can't do it for her. We all learn that we only have control over one person...us. Your daughter, your husband (if you have one), your other children (if you have any), you mom, your aunt, your BFF, etc. all have 100% control over themselves however they have 0% control over anybody else. If you get responses in Parent Emeritus you'll see what I mean...people there are more eloquent than I am. Most of us have tried EVERYTHING to try to control how our difficult child's think, act, treat us etc. and the only thing that works on our sanity and physical health is to detach and start caring about ourselves, our lives, and those of our loved ones who respect and love us. Is it possible that your daughter is lying about the heroin? It is HIGHLY addictive and very hard to kick. Something is missing here. You don't just start off your drug experience using heroin. That's really hardcore. Either she has been using drugs all along and fooled you, as my daughter did (they are great actors) or the heroin story has to be a lie. I don't know why she'd lie to you...you know her better than I do. It is kind of like her telling her FB friends you're dead, which is obviously a very sick lie. At any rate, you do not need to take her garbage anymore. She is a woman now, with no more challenges than I had and I did grow up, although it was difficult, but I'm glad it happened. [/QUOTE]
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Just told difficult child she is not welcome back home. Am I wrong?
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