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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635097" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I wish you well and am crossing fingers, toes and eyes. In our case, although we don't think substance abuse is the main problem with my son (it was with a daughter, but she quit), we have stopped hoping for any real change. As soon as our son has to handle any stress, he regresses back to being unbearable. He's fine as long as the moon and stars and sun are all aligned properly. Any pressure and he falls apart, which we could handle, but he gets abusive and mean. He lives a few states away, which is good. He could not live with us anymore. He is 36 and I think this is just who he is and he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. When confronted with many of his mean and dangerous behaviors he always claims he doesn't remember them. I just plain don't believe it.</p><p></p><p>I do have one bit of advice for you. I don't think, now that your son is a legal adult, that your husband will get into trouble if your son attacks him. I would call 9-1-1 the first sign that your son is going after anybody in the family. If you feel this is not an option you have, I would not allow him to live at home. He is obviously capable of serious violence and that is a threat to anyone in your home. There is no guarantee he will remain calmer. These adult kids seem to cycle in behavior, having times that give us hope then sometimes reverting back to where they came from, sometimes even worse. It is not worth it, especially if he will lie to get your husband arrested or harm a sibling of his or even a pet. Nobody deserves to have to walk on eggshelves around an adult or have his mouth torn open. Actually, I would make it a clearcut rule that he can not bring his "friends" to you house at all, if he is going to live there. Rather than having your husband go try to make them leave, don't let him know you are doing it, but call the cops. Let them handle it. They know how. They can get help for themselves too. Your son is young, no doubt in better physical shape than your hub. In our house, physical violence is an automatic "you're out." I think of it this way. If I wouldn't let somebody else treat me a certain way, I expect the same from my son. Yes, it took me a long time to get here. And he can still upset me, but I no longer make excuses for him and I go for help if I see my serenity slipping out of my hands.</p><p></p><p>I went through what you are going through, wondering what was real and what was manipulation. II still don't always know. I decided I don't need to know. If it feels like maipulation, then I will tell myself that it is. Our difficult children are very good at putting on "good little boy" acts when they want something from us...money, housing, for us to pay their bills, the car, etc. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!!!!! You still have a fifteen year old son at home. He is a minor. He does not need to see his brother getting violent and substance abusing.</p><p></p><p>Other than that, others will come along too to give you their two cents. Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635097, member: 1550"] I wish you well and am crossing fingers, toes and eyes. In our case, although we don't think substance abuse is the main problem with my son (it was with a daughter, but she quit), we have stopped hoping for any real change. As soon as our son has to handle any stress, he regresses back to being unbearable. He's fine as long as the moon and stars and sun are all aligned properly. Any pressure and he falls apart, which we could handle, but he gets abusive and mean. He lives a few states away, which is good. He could not live with us anymore. He is 36 and I think this is just who he is and he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. When confronted with many of his mean and dangerous behaviors he always claims he doesn't remember them. I just plain don't believe it. I do have one bit of advice for you. I don't think, now that your son is a legal adult, that your husband will get into trouble if your son attacks him. I would call 9-1-1 the first sign that your son is going after anybody in the family. If you feel this is not an option you have, I would not allow him to live at home. He is obviously capable of serious violence and that is a threat to anyone in your home. There is no guarantee he will remain calmer. These adult kids seem to cycle in behavior, having times that give us hope then sometimes reverting back to where they came from, sometimes even worse. It is not worth it, especially if he will lie to get your husband arrested or harm a sibling of his or even a pet. Nobody deserves to have to walk on eggshelves around an adult or have his mouth torn open. Actually, I would make it a clearcut rule that he can not bring his "friends" to you house at all, if he is going to live there. Rather than having your husband go try to make them leave, don't let him know you are doing it, but call the cops. Let them handle it. They know how. They can get help for themselves too. Your son is young, no doubt in better physical shape than your hub. In our house, physical violence is an automatic "you're out." I think of it this way. If I wouldn't let somebody else treat me a certain way, I expect the same from my son. Yes, it took me a long time to get here. And he can still upset me, but I no longer make excuses for him and I go for help if I see my serenity slipping out of my hands. I went through what you are going through, wondering what was real and what was manipulation. II still don't always know. I decided I don't need to know. If it feels like maipulation, then I will tell myself that it is. Our difficult children are very good at putting on "good little boy" acts when they want something from us...money, housing, for us to pay their bills, the car, etc. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!!!!! You still have a fifteen year old son at home. He is a minor. He does not need to see his brother getting violent and substance abusing. Other than that, others will come along too to give you their two cents. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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