Just venting again...so ready for school to be out!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LookingForAnswers, May 18, 2011.

  1. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    I am so ready for school to be out...and so is my difficult child!!! I think he is just worn out with school and is ready to hang it up. We only have 5 more days and if only he could stay out of the office until then! It seems that he is in the office or his teachers are calling me with issues at least a couple times a week! Last Friday, the school called me and I was on the phone for an hour….while I was at work! My difficult child was not allowed to go on a field trip because of his behavior for the past several weeks (which was confusing because his teacher, Mr. C, sent the permission slip home 2 days before and emailed me to make sure I signed it.). He was very angry and wanted us to come get him from school which we can't do because we both work. Although he was mad I was able to keep him from exploding but then his anger turned to hurt and he was upset (almost crying) because he feels like the teachers don’t understand him. He later got very upset…to the point of sobbing….stating that he feels like his 3 of his teachers (2 are ParaPros) hate him and gang up on him. This broke my heart and what really upset me is that while he was sobbing on the phone with me his teacher, Mrs. S, and the 2 ParaPros were in the room and not one of them asked him if he was OK. One ParaPro did approach him but only to say “You gonna have to call her back.” She didn’t even acknowledge that he was crying. Boy, was I angry and I let her know it. I have been sensing for a few weeks now that this particular ParaPro was annoyed with my difficult child and that really frustrates me because that will only make dealing with his issues more difficult (Which I also informed her about!). After all that I was able to get him calmed down and to remain at school. That night he had a friend spend the night and the rest of the weekend went pretty good. Then Monday and Tuesday were better at school. He was still needing a lot of direction and prompting to do his work but he wasn’t being as defiant. We thought, hey maybe the Lithium is starting to help him. Then you have today…and you realize that nothing has really changed….as it has been during the last year! His school called me again this morning to tell me that difficult child was refusing to do his work and they had him in the office to do it. When I talked to difficult child he was very upset and I believe that all this stemmed from the AMOUNT of work that was given to him. He had 8 sheets of Math (which he HATES!) work to do. He has always shut down when he is given a large amount of work to do. He sees it as if it’s impossible and he will never get done. He can’t look at in pieces…which what I tried to focus him on…..I tried to get him to just do 1 sheet and then worry about the next one. He was being very unreasonable. He went from stating “I’m not going to do it” to “I will just guess at it” to “I just don’t want to do it in the office. That is why I don’t want to do it”. He was all over the place. I was on the phone for 25 minutes trying to reason with him (While I am at work! Thank God I have an understanding boss!) . Right after I got off that phone call, I got another phone call from his teacher, Mr. C, which is regarding a different issue that he had with him earlier regarding trying to get out of doing classwork but Mr. C was able to get him on track….or so he thought because once he left Mr. C’s class the issue escalated (I am wondering if this has anything to do with who he was with. Mr. C has an amazing ability to deal with difficult child’s melt downs. He speaks to him calmly with a quite, non-confrontational tone...but also firm when he needs to be. Most of difficult child’s issues are in the other teacher (Mrs. S) and her ParaPro’s class. I sense their frustration with him so I can only imagine what he sense from them. I believe they tend to argue with him which is the wrong way to handle him. I mean, he is in an EBD Self Contained Classroom! Shouldn’t they ALL know how to deal with these children’s melt downs and inappropriate behaviors? It is so frustrating…and he is still in Middle School. His teachers keep telling me that when he goes to high school next year that they won’t tolerate his behavior….so I am really worried about next year. YIKES! Oh well, for now I will just keep telling myself…and my difficult child….just 5 more days, just 5 more days, just 5 more days and NO SCHOOL!

    Sorry to rattle on and on.....sometimes you just need to get it out! Thanks for listening!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The school year is just TOO long for some of our kids.
    And don't get ME going about teachers and aides... and school board policy... and medical approaches... and... and... !!!

    You're doing very well to be able to intervene long-distance (phone call) rather than having to show up.

    Which diagnosis do you consider to be his primary issue? more on the mood side, or on the ADHD side? We've just found out that executive processing issues (part of ADHD, but not as well supported) can be a major source of behavior issues...
    The other major factor is non-medical stuff... learning style, personality style, dominance, etc. One difficult child plus a personality conflict with a teacher = well, lets just say that everybody loses!

    For the record - even non-difficult child kids are having problems this year... more than usual. Could this be some primal reaction to climate change??? (don't think so, but... some days we're desperate for answers!)
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry to hear it, but you're not alone. Really drives me nuts when you can replace these teachers with monkeys and get better results.

    If he's in self contained classes he must have an IEP. Make sure there's a limit to how much work they can give him at once - 1 worksheet, 10 problems, etc - in the IEP. Of course, then there's the PITA of enforcing it, but at least that way you have some ammo.
  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    WE cannot wait until school is out too !!! I will breathe a long sigh of relief on the last day and I know difficult child will too !!!!

    easy child will probably be sad that school is coming to an end though ...

    It is sooooo close just a few more weeks !!!:beach::picnic::swimming:
  5. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Insane ~ Believe it or not I am not sure what his primary issue is. His psychiatrist has never specified. My opinion...or the one that really worries me....is the depression because we saw how bad it is without medications last year and it was scary! Right now it seems that the ODD is really the primary issue but it has never been this prevalent. It has always, in my opinion, been underlying. It has always been an issue but not his biggest issue but right now it seems to be his biggest issue. I made him an appointment with a new psychiatrist to get a new diagnosis with a fresh perspective. I really want his medications looked at because his current psychiatrist just keeps adding new ones (or increasing dosages) and I have to wonder if maybe some of the medications are working against each other. I am very excited to see what his psychiatrist has to say!
  6. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Keista ~ I never thought about adding a limitation to how much work is given at once to his IEP. That is a really great suggestion and I will definitely request that. Thanks for mentioning it to me!
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    YW It's one of the few things I know for sure about IEPs because it is on my son's. I also break it down even more for him at home if he's verging on depressive shut down. 2 math problems, and he gets an hour break. We do this until he gets at least half done or can get it all done. He's the type where if he doesn't complete something, he won't hand it in. I have to remind him that 50% is better than 0. Most teachers will give him partial grades for home and classwork, but others won't (the standard in the school is 100 or 0 for homework) I have to remember to get "partial grading" into his IEP next year.