just venting

[Jena]

hi me again.

i have zero supports in my life by the way lol which is why i'm here sooo much. dont' feel bad just stating facts. zero friends to talk to they live far away the 3 good friends i have, family zero support and you guys know husband works literally all the time.

so i feel soo bad for difficult child past few days. she wants a friend so badly. she got to know what it was like in oregon to have one, and now she's back and wants one really badly.

i text the two mom's of the kids she'd play with-sometimes in the past 5 years we've lived here. one has asperger's a real sweet girl, and the other is high anxiety. like kids do attract.

parents are seemingly backing away from us more than the usual. i guess going across country was a huge thing for ppl to see so now difficult child has the tag of don't go near that kid on her forehead. i get the oh we're busy yet we'll talk, every excuse under the sun. these parents by the way were at my wedding i know them well, and their parents of kids with junk too. you would think more compassion would be present.

so, here i sit wondering what the next move is for her. she left with her dad a big ago i have free till 6. i'm wasting it thinking about this. no wonder i can't sleep there is so much here to handle. this is just a tiny bit of it.

i'm joining a gym next week, tried calling back this support group thing yet no one's called back again. trying to set me up so i can cope with-it all.

the riding lessons and the singing lessons are great yet not team things whereas the opportunity to make a friend would prevail.i know in time it'll happen somehow and i'll figure it out. i just feel bad for her right now. that's all. only natural. as usual disappointed in this neighborhood also. which hasn't changed.

 

[DDD]

I'm sorry, Jena. Many of us have lost contact with friends over the years just due to the unusual needs of our children. It's very sad. Thank heavens we have the CD family.

Since you're thinking about it anyway, lol, what do you think they are trying to avoid? Do they think she was hospitalized because she was a danger to others? Did you suggest meeting for an hour at a park instead of them coming to your house or her to theirs? Some of us have shared too much info with friends and had them disappear while others have skirted the issues which made outsiders fear that we had a raving maniac in our family.

Also...do you think difficult child can actually go somewhere with-o extreme anxiety? How long can she self sustain? Perhaps a children's art group at the Y? I'm assuming that GSA would be too much for her to cope with right away but some girl scout leaders are very sensitive to the needs of children who are a little different. As lonely as she is I would assume it's better to avoid situations that would make her or the other child/children uncomfortable.

Sorry you're having to face this concern. by the way....how did your easy child react to her home party? Prior posts of yours sounded like she had anxiety about going anywhere and I wondered if having her friends at the house worked out well (even with difficult child melting down on the other side of the house).
DDD

 

[Andy]

Does difficult child like to read? If so, check in at the local library for a reading club with her age group. They would be small groups. Maybe she can meet someone there?

Also, our small town library has kids programs from time to time (yes, for the kids your difficult child's age also). Check those to see if there is a program set up that she could attend.

I am trying to think of groups/activites that wouldn't have very many kids in a small/quiet setting.

Do you have a community education program where the two of you can take a class together? Sign up for a serious of cooking classes where you will be working along side other kids her age and hopefully able to start a conversation before/during/after class (pretend you need LOTS of help from the other girl in finding things?).

 

[HaoZi]

Jena, I realize we're not nearby or anything, but I talked to kiddo about it and she said she'd be willing to IM with her. I think we'd have to set a cut-off time for them that's the same (and luckily we're in the same time zone) so we don't have to hear "but so-and-so gets to stay on longer, she'll get mad/lonely/won't be my friend/thinks I'm ignoring her" routine from them. But if you and difficult child are open to the idea for her to have a friend that lives far away, let me know.

 

[Josie]

It could be that the girls are making their own social plans now that they are in MS and not because difficult child went to Oregon.

My daughter has been homeschooled for 3 years and not able to socialize much at all during that time, so she lost touch with her friends for the most part. She has called them a few times (maybe 10 in 3 years) and they have been receptive to getting together for the most part. My daughter just hasn't been well enough to maintain these connections regularly.

My daughter has been out of school so long for medical reasons, but she does have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and the rumor around her school is that her mental illness caused her to be away. So she does have a similar reputation.

Maybe if your daughter called her friends herself, she would have more luck? I am always scared B is going to get rejected when she calls, but it has worked out so far.

My daughter is just now feeling well enough to really look for friends and have a social life, so we may end up with the same issue as you soon.

 

[ML]

manster has facebook. Let me know if you want the link for her

 

[susiestar]

thank you also has facebook (new for him) and would probably "friend" her. let me know.

Check with the homeschool groups I sent links for. homeschool kids tend to be a LOT more tolerant/accepting. Also try to have an activity to invite the other girls to. Maybe to go see a movie or do something at one of those paint your own pottery places.

We have a community arts studio that has all sorts of classes for kids to take. I know a lot of kids make friends at those things and they are not high pressure situations. maybe you can find one and she could meet kids doing a class there. or you could set up a class for kids - I know you are creative and talented so maybe if you taught a class over a couple of weekends then difficult child could make some friends.

How is Sunday School going? Are you planning to go in the morning? It will be another great way for her to meet other kids - usually a small setting and kids are encouraged to be very nice to each other there.

Jess has lost touch with a LOT of the kids. We never could afford all the sports and classes her friends did, and I wouldn't have put her in them all if we could. I don't believe it is healthy for my kids to be in a different activity every day, sometimes 2 or 3 on a day if practice and games or whatever are more than once a week. It is just way too much. So her friends would be scheduled out way ahead and it has caused problems. being homeschooled has made it worse, and I know the isolation can be a hard thing to handle. So taking these small steps will help, but it will not all come together in a week. So a little patience will be good for both of you.

I am sorry she is so wanting a friend and none of teh other 2 are responding. Let me know if you want thank you's facebook.

 

[Steely]

With Matt I tried to get him involved at the local community center classes, which was a place to meet friends that were not old school friends. Also, like the idea of the library and the groups they offer. Even going to the park, sometimes kids will hook up and be-friend each other - maybe an idea?

As you said, some of Matt's closest friendships did form in phosph - I think those were the kids that can truly understand each other - yet those relationships were not sustainable due to a variety of reasons.

I know how hard it is. There were huge periods of time where Matt did not have any friends, and the whole neighborhood was scared of him. It really breaks a mom's heart to watch.

 

[Jena]

thanks you guys i appreciate it soo much. i'll def. ask difficult child what she thinks about that and if she'd like to. she has a facebook also. that may work. she text the girl from the ronald mcdonald house tonight and was so happy when she text back.

yes it is hard for our kids. i know i'm not alone on this one either. she's just raring to go now, the house was so busy there so many kids. now it's so quiet for her. anyway, we'll c i checked library already great idea yet too young the groups. and i think their avoiding her because they don't want their kids mixed up with-her, think wow she really is mentally ill, etc. i dont' know because i dont' think that way its hard to grasp.

as far as community stuff goes it's real small here so she'll run into all those nasty kids from school there. it's one of those everyone talks about everyone kinda places. the families that live here majority have been here for years, their families lived here they grew up here kinda stuff. so their not big on outsiders to begin with

 

[Jena]

wow i was just thinking we should start a kids support group thing. somewhere they could go talk online to eachother post junk. not a bad idea.

 

[HaoZi]

I thought about that, too, but mine gets touchy in forums a bit too often. Other than her addiction to emoticons she's good with IMs, though. She doesn't have FB but I did set her up a yahoo IM account.

 

[1905]

How about Girl Scouts?

 

[Jena]

we tried that no troop room. i can call again though. she doesn't do well in open things like that. hard to explain anxiety shoots up she sits in corner alone. kids think she's weird and dont' talk to her.

 

[Josie]

What about looking for a support group for eating disorders for her? She might make some friends there with other kids/teens with similar struggles.

Also, check into the homeschooling community. Kids that age are looking for social opportunities. There might be group outings for families and classes for kids.

You can find all kinds of classes for homeschoolers. My daughter is about to start a sewing class. You might even be able to find a riding class during the day for homeschoolers. Some of the local businesses here have classes during the day for homeschoolers.

 

[DDD]

I've done GSA ( as well as boy scouts, of course ) and the key is the troop leader. The tenets of the organizations do not allow exclusion. If the leader is the "right one" she might find that it is a welcoming environment. Perhaps a try when an opening comes up. Another idea is 4H. I know you live in a community similar to mine but if there is any ag component around there, difficult child would be able to focus on raising her own animal. If she likes dogs she might like a calf or a pig?? DDD

 

[DDD]

Just had another thought, lol. Many, many CD parents have found that the local bowling groups are very inclusive, offer awards for almost anything, and don't last too long. I tried it for difficult child when he
was around ten or twelve and even though he didn't blend well due to his AS, he was happy to be part of a group. DDD