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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 679952" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I keep distance from my Borderline (BPD) daughter for my own sanity. The way my therapist described it is that while she has a hard time regulating her emotions, she DOES know right from wrong. When she is hateful, spiteful, blaming, she knows that she is wrong. But her behaviors are "reinforced" when people react. Whether it is reacting by giving in to her and trying to "help," or giving in and reacting to her dramatics. My therapist suggested that I detach and continually put everything back on her or even hang up/walk away when she gets abusive. She likened it to "being a robot," not letting my daughter see fear, anger, hurt of any kind - just staying blank - without seeming completely emotionless. She said it forces the Borderline (BPD) to learn that their methods of behavior no longer work. They may try increasing and escalating tactics to force the reactions they have always gotten, and oh my daughter has, but by consistently not "rewarding" her manipulations and abuse forces her to look for new ways to interact. Of course, as long as others react to her in ways that work, she just shuts me out. And that is ok. They will eventually get tired of it and she will run out of those who feed her ways of behavior. </p><p></p><p>I keep conversations short and sweet, I give her nothing personal that she can turn back on me later, I am non-committal and refuse to get trapped into obligations, and I make myself "boring" to her by not reacting to her dramatic stories or even finding excuses to hang up. I am clear and concise without ever showing emotion. I leave the tears and anger for when I am alone. </p><p></p><p>Learn as much as you can and if possible, see someone yourself. Those who are enmeshed with BPDs often suffer PTSD. I have learned to love my daughter - from a safe distance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 679952, member: 19905"] I keep distance from my Borderline (BPD) daughter for my own sanity. The way my therapist described it is that while she has a hard time regulating her emotions, she DOES know right from wrong. When she is hateful, spiteful, blaming, she knows that she is wrong. But her behaviors are "reinforced" when people react. Whether it is reacting by giving in to her and trying to "help," or giving in and reacting to her dramatics. My therapist suggested that I detach and continually put everything back on her or even hang up/walk away when she gets abusive. She likened it to "being a robot," not letting my daughter see fear, anger, hurt of any kind - just staying blank - without seeming completely emotionless. She said it forces the Borderline (BPD) to learn that their methods of behavior no longer work. They may try increasing and escalating tactics to force the reactions they have always gotten, and oh my daughter has, but by consistently not "rewarding" her manipulations and abuse forces her to look for new ways to interact. Of course, as long as others react to her in ways that work, she just shuts me out. And that is ok. They will eventually get tired of it and she will run out of those who feed her ways of behavior. I keep conversations short and sweet, I give her nothing personal that she can turn back on me later, I am non-committal and refuse to get trapped into obligations, and I make myself "boring" to her by not reacting to her dramatic stories or even finding excuses to hang up. I am clear and concise without ever showing emotion. I leave the tears and anger for when I am alone. Learn as much as you can and if possible, see someone yourself. Those who are enmeshed with BPDs often suffer PTSD. I have learned to love my daughter - from a safe distance. [/QUOTE]
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