Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Just when I think I've got this the bottom falls out!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 683018" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>My daughter is borderline. Not sure what came first - the borderline and then the drugs, or the drugs and then the borderline. She also has a brain injury that on top of the borderline and changes that the drugs have done to her have created a person I no longer know. She cycles quickly from fine to complete chaos. Being with her is like sitting in a room in which someone is constantly turning the light switch on and off. </p><p></p><p>Therapy helped me A LOT. Reading as much as I could about borderline helped me A LOT. I am deeply sad FOR her now and most of the time can distance myself and not take the things she says and does personally. </p><p></p><p>That said, she has no children and I thank God every day for that. I don't know what I would do if I had grandchildren trapped in her chaos. It would kill me. But don't feel bad that you "aren't strong enough" to put up with her behavior. It has nothing to do with "being strong enough." Trust me. The best thing you can do with a borderline is not "reward" that behavior, and they get their "reward" when you continue to engage in it. Even if you think you are "talking sense" or trying to help or just being there, when they act that way and you take it, it reinforces that what they are doing is ok. Learning that helped me a lot, and my daughter knows I will hang up, walk away, not answer messages when she acts that way. I will not reward her with my attention when she cannot behave appropriately. Do we have a lot of contact? No. But when we do, it is civil because it is what I require.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and quit beating yourself up. It is her, not you. There is help for borderlines, but the hardest part is getting them to admit it is within them and not everyone else and for them to want to change. My daughter isn't there yet, either. She may never be. But that doesn't mean I have to tolerate her abuses, accusations, manipulations, guilt trips, or attempts to obligate me to things. Neither do you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 683018, member: 19905"] My daughter is borderline. Not sure what came first - the borderline and then the drugs, or the drugs and then the borderline. She also has a brain injury that on top of the borderline and changes that the drugs have done to her have created a person I no longer know. She cycles quickly from fine to complete chaos. Being with her is like sitting in a room in which someone is constantly turning the light switch on and off. Therapy helped me A LOT. Reading as much as I could about borderline helped me A LOT. I am deeply sad FOR her now and most of the time can distance myself and not take the things she says and does personally. That said, she has no children and I thank God every day for that. I don't know what I would do if I had grandchildren trapped in her chaos. It would kill me. But don't feel bad that you "aren't strong enough" to put up with her behavior. It has nothing to do with "being strong enough." Trust me. The best thing you can do with a borderline is not "reward" that behavior, and they get their "reward" when you continue to engage in it. Even if you think you are "talking sense" or trying to help or just being there, when they act that way and you take it, it reinforces that what they are doing is ok. Learning that helped me a lot, and my daughter knows I will hang up, walk away, not answer messages when she acts that way. I will not reward her with my attention when she cannot behave appropriately. Do we have a lot of contact? No. But when we do, it is civil because it is what I require. Hang in there and quit beating yourself up. It is her, not you. There is help for borderlines, but the hardest part is getting them to admit it is within them and not everyone else and for them to want to change. My daughter isn't there yet, either. She may never be. But that doesn't mean I have to tolerate her abuses, accusations, manipulations, guilt trips, or attempts to obligate me to things. Neither do you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Just when I think I've got this the bottom falls out!
Top