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Substance Abuse
Just when I thought I couldn't get any stupider.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 708775" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My point in turning my daughter in over pot was for ywo reasons. One was to stop tje 35 year drug dealer from selling drugs to other minors (her being a minor made her learn early and also ensured it wouldnt be on perm record...pot was a bigger deal back then) and also to let her know that me and husband would not go soft on her for breaking the law. Ever. We hoped against hope it would slow down her budding drug use and criminal career. For her it worked!</p><p></p><p>I really dont see any examples, being on here for so long, of going soft on our loved ones who are not doing well pushing them into responsible adulthood. It does not work. Our difficult adult kids dont want to quit drugs or work a good job or access good services from the community. They like mommy to keep treating them like vulnerable kids. It is hard not to. We want to protect them.</p><p></p><p>But in fact sheltering them from what will happen if they dont straighten out and grow up to me does exactly the opposite. It is teaching them that they can prey on us and use it to keep staying young in attitude and dependent on us.</p><p></p><p>All who have gotten it together in recent years here...patriots girls daughter, my daughter, lovemysons son and child of mines son and others had been on their own for housing and money for a while. Some go home after they are straightening out, but keep growing up and are mostly on the young side. Mofs son. RN bravely sent her son to another state where he is doing better. My kudos to all the brave moms because its hard to do this, so hard.</p><p></p><p>I personally do not see letting them ride on our dime while they use drugs and dont work or dont seek disability services, if necessary, as productive to our kids well being. Or ours.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard to do this. The cops on our kids? Devestating! I judge nobody. But Ive been here a long time and Ive seen many happy and sad endings. So maybe Lil's idea of saying " if you ever do this again..." is the best way going forward. All of us have gone soft on our kids a few times. None of us are guilt free. Not one. Its not natural to feel good being tough on our adult kids!</p><p></p><p>Usually we get tougher with time as we see that letting things go just ramps them up and doesnt get them off drugs, doesnt make them responsible, doesnt make them independent or working full time. Most never go back to school so if they do work it is often a non sustainable job, like restaurant work. And part time at 25 years old. Jobs high school kids do. It isnt shameful but it wont pay an adults bills.</p><p></p><p>So what happens? Well, usually WE change eventually. Because we love them and want them to learn to survive. Its harder for our difficult kids. They neef perhaps a harder push. If they really CANT work then there is Disability and the good services that go with it fid those perhaps truly UNABLE tp thrive and NEEDING services in order to be independent!</p><p></p><p>But whatever we do or however we handle it, we cry too. A lot!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 708775, member: 1550"] My point in turning my daughter in over pot was for ywo reasons. One was to stop tje 35 year drug dealer from selling drugs to other minors (her being a minor made her learn early and also ensured it wouldnt be on perm record...pot was a bigger deal back then) and also to let her know that me and husband would not go soft on her for breaking the law. Ever. We hoped against hope it would slow down her budding drug use and criminal career. For her it worked! I really dont see any examples, being on here for so long, of going soft on our loved ones who are not doing well pushing them into responsible adulthood. It does not work. Our difficult adult kids dont want to quit drugs or work a good job or access good services from the community. They like mommy to keep treating them like vulnerable kids. It is hard not to. We want to protect them. But in fact sheltering them from what will happen if they dont straighten out and grow up to me does exactly the opposite. It is teaching them that they can prey on us and use it to keep staying young in attitude and dependent on us. All who have gotten it together in recent years here...patriots girls daughter, my daughter, lovemysons son and child of mines son and others had been on their own for housing and money for a while. Some go home after they are straightening out, but keep growing up and are mostly on the young side. Mofs son. RN bravely sent her son to another state where he is doing better. My kudos to all the brave moms because its hard to do this, so hard. I personally do not see letting them ride on our dime while they use drugs and dont work or dont seek disability services, if necessary, as productive to our kids well being. Or ours. It is very hard to do this. The cops on our kids? Devestating! I judge nobody. But Ive been here a long time and Ive seen many happy and sad endings. So maybe Lil's idea of saying " if you ever do this again..." is the best way going forward. All of us have gone soft on our kids a few times. None of us are guilt free. Not one. Its not natural to feel good being tough on our adult kids! Usually we get tougher with time as we see that letting things go just ramps them up and doesnt get them off drugs, doesnt make them responsible, doesnt make them independent or working full time. Most never go back to school so if they do work it is often a non sustainable job, like restaurant work. And part time at 25 years old. Jobs high school kids do. It isnt shameful but it wont pay an adults bills. So what happens? Well, usually WE change eventually. Because we love them and want them to learn to survive. Its harder for our difficult kids. They neef perhaps a harder push. If they really CANT work then there is Disability and the good services that go with it fid those perhaps truly UNABLE tp thrive and NEEDING services in order to be independent! But whatever we do or however we handle it, we cry too. A lot! [/QUOTE]
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Just when I thought I couldn't get any stupider.
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