K, Star, time for my quarerly husband gripe.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ok, so its not so much a gripe, as a just "I'm not sure how to take/what to do with this information" kinda thing.
    husband, in an act of bad luck combine with some stupidity last summer, broke the case on the transmission in his truck. To buy a new or rebuilt transmission will be well over $2k, and the truck, frankly, is just not worth that. (We both agree on this).
    The truck has now sat idle for one year. People have asked me to purchase the motor out of it (its relatively new). I've even had an offer to buy the whole truck. When I ask husband, he just clams up. Sunday, I had another offer on the motor. I called husband and asked him.
    "Oh, I don't know...." he said. I told him if he doesn't do something soon, he's gonna have a $200 scrap metal pile is what he's gonna have, cause a locked up motor won't be worth squat to anyone. I said I'd sell the truck and if the economy settles down, buy another one then (there have been several layoffs where he works), and I left it at that.
    So I asked him last night, what is his hesitation on making a move on this truck. He said "cause at least this way I have something." HUH? So he explained, this way, he's half-way got a truck. If he sells it, he has nothing.
    We have my truck, and I don't think we've had a problem in the past year coordinating the use of the one truck. I use it to pull far more than he does, but it just hasn't been a problem. I do get onto him for how he drives the truck because its a deisel and it just doesn't drive like a gas engine does - I can get 24mpg out of it, and when he drives, he gets around 15 (and I'm usually the one putting fuel in it and ALWAYS the one who fixes it) - I just can't afford to be like that - never mind that I can not afford to buy a new truck anytime soon, so I need that truck to last. My long-term goal is longevity, where he wants performance (and you see who's vehicles are still going....), so I am a little protective of it, but I don't nag him about it...he doesn't listen to me about it, anyway...June was the last time the car oil was changed, and I did it, so I feel a little justified in asking him to maintaining/take care of equipment.
    So I asked why this is important to have a second truck. With gas prices as they are, he can't possibly afford to run it up and down the highway like he used to (he can barely afford the car he drives). We have my truck for pulling camper/trailers/etc. We have the tractor to put hay out for livestock. What am I missing that makes it so dire to need another truck?
    So his answer? He snapped at me and said cause he doesn't have to watch how he drives it and he can get in and go whenever he wants.
    I'm a little paranoid that his folks' attitude will rub off on him, anyway, and I guess I was a little put off by his reply. It just didn't sound like an answer from a partner.
    Am I reading far too much into this?
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So, do you guys have cars and a truck, or just the truck? Are you sharing one vehicle?

    I could not share a vehicle with husband, he trashes them. His front quarter panel is smashed, the car is full of his stuff (god forbid if I call it junk).

    Sounds like your husband may feel trapped by having to share the truck.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    We have two cars and the one truck right now.
    husband is hard on vehicles, too. I had to replace the trans in my truck a few years back due to a fluid leak. I had babied it along knowing it was going for 60,000 miles. I watched out the window one morning as husband headed out in my truck (his was still running at the time) to go to garage sales. The trans was low on fluid, and he didn't put any in. He pulled out of the driveway and rev'ed the truck up 8 or 10 times, trying to get it to go, allowing the transmission to slip and wear more, as opposed to stopping and putting fluid in it.
    The car husband is driving now was mine. I turned it over to him and I repaired an old Taurus for me. The Taurus runs good, but the shift selector is funny, so you have to be careful putting it in gear, and it won't shift if its very cold, so you have to warm it up and drive very slowly at first....junk like that. Seriously, the car won't hold up to husband's driving.
    Even the trans in husband's truck, tho the case broke, when we got the "guts" out of it, it was a year from dying, anyway. And it was only 3 years old. husband just drives stuff so hard.
    difficult child 1 drove the car husband is driving now. It has an oil leak. husband checked the oil in that car every 3 days when difficult child 1 was driving it and was on him like stink on poo if it was even a pint low. When husband started driving the car, the oil hadn't been changed in 6 months. He waited another 5, then I got ticked off and did it. Now, he doesn't even check the oil, he waits til the warning light comes on on the dashboard. At that point, the car is 2 quarts low (it only holds 4).
    I do most of the vehicle maintenance and repair myself. husband is capable (he's actually been to mechanic school), but he doesn't do it.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be frustrated beyond belief. Is husband's truck driveable now? If not, he needs to get rid of it, in my humble opinion. He could put the $$ from the sale of the truck toward repairs his Taurus needs so that it will hold up somewhat to his cruddy way of driving it.

    Just in my humble opinion, I hope you two can work this out.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I kind of understand his view. Life is hard when you can't call something your own and treat it the way you want. If he abuses your truck or the Taurus, you have the right to get on his back about them. As long as his truck is there and he can hope he'll find a way to fix it, he can tell himself that he can drive HIS way when he gets it fixed. If it's gone, there's no way he can rationalize to himself this is just temporary.

    However, he needs to quit acting like a teenage girl. Few of them really understand that cars need oil and fluid and do wait for lights to come on to tell them what to do. He's a mechanic. He knows better. Maybe you should start calling him Tiffany and when he asks why, explain he's treating his girls like a 17 YO would?
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    OMG, I'm ROFL at Tiffany. That's a great idea.

    I understand his view, too - I want things, too. Like a car I don't have to drive 5mph for the first mile every morning. And that I can look and see what gear its in instead of counting clicks when I shift. And a "new" vehicle that's no more than a decade old (our "newest" vehicles is 13 years old). A house built in the previous century would be really nice, too (seriously - mine wasn't). And the list goes on and on.

    He wants a motor cycle. After our little conversation last night, he went to look at trucks on the internet and ended up looking at motorcycles all night instead. His last purchase was a commercial grade lawnmower that cost as much as a used truck...so my sympathy is a little waning right now.

    I gotta prioritize my list of wants and balance them with the family's needs, too. Guess thats part of what didn't sit well with me on this. That and the deal with the rest of his family treating me like dirt - its like my stuff isn't good enough for him cause he can't trash it... That's probably my skewed perception, but its kinda where I'm at.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    My SUV is 18 years old.
    I blew the head gaskets in it because I had freeze plugs put in (instead of doing it myself) and they missed the back one I'm sure but no way to prove. So it blew. I drove it hot. I parked it.

    DF got me a beautiful SUV - I love it. He took it ONE time - swerved to avoid a deer and flipped it - totalled it. No biggie - lets fix my other older SUV - NOTHING DOING....grrrrr

    So we both drove his behemoth of a van (I hate it). And that worked until he "needed" his vehicle.

    So I paid to have a new motor put in mine, then tranny etc. The inside was pristine.

    He drove it. The seat got ripped the first day (biker wallet)

    A week later? The cup holder got melted - 2 idiot men wanted to "revamp" my stereo and left a light in the plastic cup holder - totally ruined.

    He shoved some tools in the back - TOOK out the carpet. BIG RIP

    He took it for a ride - the brakes locked up - tow bill

    He wanted to drive ME to the store because I was upset about Dude - we got hit by a car on MY (passenger) side.

    The AC went out with him behind the wheel

    THE defrost went out - and he said (in Summer ) no big deal - guess what? FROST on the window this AM.....fun.

    He moves my seat, he BIFCHES about "I can't smoke in there", he adjusts my mirrors.....he chances my radio station.....

    SO yeah - MY truck, MY rules - SHE MAN -MAN HATERS CLUB....no meetins in mah truck!

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Shari, sounds like you're in a bad spot. I can understand that he wants something that's his...but when it is at the expense of your partner's and the family's well being, that's called being selfish. If you're prepared to fight, sell whatever pieces you can sell and then tow the carcass to Pick-a-Part or the local equivalent. He'll either get over it or he won't. in my humble opinion, sounds like you'll be wrong no matter what happens.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If he wants to 'have' his own vehicle ("even if it's not running, at least I have my own car" - idiot!) then he should sell what isn't working and put the money towards something that is working.