Kanga is still Kanga

[JJJ]

You would think that after 51 days of inpatient, 30 days of partial, and 9 months of Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we'd see some progress with her. Nope.

Summary of today's call:

It is her choice to have a baby and we are wrong to try and control her (no dating rule).
All of her issues are my fault because I make her be violent because I don't let her do whatever she wants.


I think we are still where we started.

 

[gcvmom]

Yup. It's de ja vu all over again. Sigh. Exasperation. I know.

Can you put her on any kind of BC as a precaution anyway?

Does she know about STDs? Or does she just believe like most teens, except maybe a lot more so, given her condition, that she's invincible? Magical thinking I suppose?

 

[tiredmommy]

You must be absolutely frustrated, I really hope you can prevent her from getting pregnant. It's too bad there's no legal or ethical way for her to be compelled to receive regular birth control shots.

 

[compassion]

Why can't she get regular BC shots? We are doing that with my daughter, 15.Comapssion

 

[Janna]

I might have missed a few posts - how is she in the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)? Is she acting up (aside from the pregnant post, I did read that).

I love how kids can't ever take responsibility.

You know, JJJ, I wouldn't even have that conversation with her. I'd tell my kid, "Look, you're there to get treatment, not find or place blame. If you can't have a decent conversation with me, then you can call me when you are willing to".

She's only trying to light a spark. in my opinion, I wouldn't give her the opportunity. I'm sorry.

 

[Wiped Out]

Aw JJJ, how frustrating. I'm sorry. (((hugs)))

 

[timer lady]

As I recall, we didn't allow kt nor wm to sit & blame husband or myself. As parents, JJJ, we don't push our difficult children into unsafe/dangerous behaviors. It's the illness/disorder.

This is all very disrupted/disordered thinking on Kanga's part. Staff must see this. The baby thing terrifies me ~ kt is fascinated with having babies. At one point, we had her convinced that school, college, work, a yellow corvette, marriage then a baby was the right route. Since being in high school & seeing the pregnant teens & the on site day care she's again convinced she can have it "all", if you will.

I'm sorry that Kanga hasn't matured or even begun to accept responsibility for her situation.

 

[slsh]

All of her issues are my fault because I make her be violent because I don't let her do whatever she wants.

JJJ - I know you're probably already doing this because you seem to be an incredibly on-top-of-it mom, but I hope you are documenting this stuff - dates, times, etc.

I wouldn't even bother addressing the baby stuff anymore, other than using it as an example of her distorted thoughts and the reason why she absolutely must have 24/7 eyes on supervision.

This statement is a huge red flag - you know it. You have to find a way to either make current Residential Treatment Center (RTC) get it or find another Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I know there are rumblings about stay limits in the Collaborative now, but in my humble opinion there is no way you are going to be able to safely have a child with this thought process in your home. You're probably going to have to get the head guy in the city involved (he's *very* helpful and a good advocate for us and our kids). Besides the trauma to Kanga of a failed "homecoming", the damage to the rest of the family could take years to undo. been there done that.

I don't know how you change this train of thought, or if it even can be. My difficult child is still the same way - it's kind of funny in a twisted way that at this stage of the game he's still blaming it all solely on me, including his drug use. It's beyond irrational.

I used to hope that the grant would help difficult child learn to live with- his disability and function in the world. Nine years into it, what the grant has done is save my other kids - not the intended purpose by any stretch, but for us, that's about as good as it is going to get. difficult child has had every opportunity offered but he's just refused.

I'm sorry this is hanging over your head. Gentle hugs, hon.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Been thinking about you & Kanga lately...so sorry that there does not seem to be any improvement.

 

[DaisyFace]

JJJ--

Just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are continuing to go through this same thing over and over and over...

Sending cyber-support and ((((hugs))) your direction.

--DaisyF

 

[JJJ]

Thanks all.

She has been on birth control pills since she was 12 so I'm 99.9% sure she can't get pregnant. She was told they are hormonal therapy pills since they were originally rx for PMDD. She thinks there is another "sex" pill out there that would allow her to have sex and make a baby and is trying to manipulate the nurse at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) into giving it to her.

I do end the calls frequently when she is like this. This call only lasted a few minutes and I told her she needed the change the subject and she hung up instead. She called husband later and told him that "she tried to talk with mom about that stuff but it didn't go good".

Sue - The Collaborative sounds like a nightmare. Our renewal should be early this summer. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm hoping the two staff that are starting to see her impaired thinking can overrule the one that has been totally snowed by her and thinks we're mean parents (so helps to have her involved in the plan ) We are putting plans in place to severely limit her contact with the littles. No one else in this state seems to care about their safety but us.

Why didn't I take her to Nebraska when I had the chance?? Why??

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{JJJ}}} I'm sorry she still hasn't budged. Isn't it likely that she will one day figure out what the pill is really for? Do you have a plan in place for that, such as the depo shot? It's not only helped with my difficult child's severe PMS, but also has been a bit of relief for me in regards to the pregnancy scare (which difficult child keeps throwing at me left and right, I should add - though nothing ever comes of it, I have to at least get it checked out, just in case!).

Anyway, I don't really have any better suggestions, so I will continue to keep you and Kanga in my thoughts.

 

[KTMom91]

No suggestions...just hugs and support. I'm so sorry she isn't showing improvement.

 

[Shari]

I'm glad I'm not the only parent that thinks about the missed opportunity of Nebraska....

At 14, even sheltered, I would think her thought process about the whole "sex" pill to make a baby is even a little distorted...do the same staff members that see her problems see this, too?

 

[WSM]

Why didn't I take her to Nebraska when I had the chance?? Why??

We had a joke between us around Thanksgiving last year: "Guess what kids, we are going to Nebraska for CHristmas!"

It always cracked us up.

 

[JJJ]

Well, Kanga is on the pill and when she comes home I hope to switch her to the shot so that she can't cheek the pill, etc.

Another conversation last night about how I don't know her anymore, she was a kid when we sent her away and now she is almost an adult (wow, a lot happened in 10 months). She can choose when to get pg and I can't stop her. Everyone at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) says I'm way too strict and she should run as soon as she is 18 because I'm an awful mom. Really Kanga? Who is saying that: staff or other girls? The other girls. Gee, a group of severely mentally ill girls who all have issues with parental authority to the point they are in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) don't think I'm a good parent because I have rules. My heart is broken

To top off the day, her therapist just canceled our upcoming family therapy session because she is taking the day off. I don't know why I bother scheduling them, explaining that it takes 3 people to arrange it because husband and my mom have to adjust their work schedules to make it happen when she keeps canceling.

And we have the first sib visit in just 20 days...thank goodness it is only scheduled to last 20 minutes.