Kanga's over the edge even for the other youth

JJJ

Active Member
The problem with getting an RO is that, as a minor, we are responsible for ensuring that she has a place to live and is supervised. Thankfully, as long as she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that is taken care of and we refuse to do home visits; we only rarely do sibling visits.

Currently there is no legal need for her to become a ward because she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (on the state's dime). Her new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is nearly half wards so her services wouldn't change even if we did have her declared incorrigible.

As hard as it is to believe, Kanga can be that convincing. She presents as a very, sweet, innocent, mentally slow girl. She is very petite and pretty. That was our huge issue with getting services.

Once she makes that first impression, it is hard for people to see beyond it.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
JJJ...I am almost stunned to read this update because just a few days ago something eerily similar was reported on HLN about a couple of middle school kids. They were caught having oral sex during a movie in school. Ok...caught isnt quite the right term. A couple of kids saw them and took a picture of them with their cellphone and then showed it to the lunch lady who grabbed the phone to show the principal and the lunch lady got fired! How bass akwards was that?

Kids got ISS I think and the one adult who did the right thing gets fired!
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Janet that is stupid!!! WHY did they fire the lunch lady?? What did they accuse her of? Stealing the phone? Child porn? They are lucky the kids didn't send it to everyone on their facebook and email lists! I think the person teaching the class where it happened should be fired!!

JJJ-having a kid who presents like that is a real problem. Some people are SO gullible to our kids, so easily manipulated. I just hope that the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) really LOOKS at her records before they fall for her. I am sure some won't believe them, so probably some more drama to come.

I don't know how you handle it. It never seems to stop. How often do you have to visit her? Do you get grief for refusing home visits and most sibling visits? I know she has been awful at some of the visits and the other kids have anxiety if it is even mentioned. Will the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) insist on certain visiting schedules or understand why there are no home visits and rare sibling visits? Or is it a wait and see thing to see what kind of therapist/psychiatrist you get there?
 

Marguerite

Active Member
Janet, I've been trying to find out more about this one. I did find a reference to an incident in California; the teacher was suspended with pay (administrative duties) and the lunch lady, also a parent at the school, gave an interview.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/ne...ass-oral-sex-act/story-e6frev00-1225865890694

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-sex-in-class,0,845196.story

Then it seems someone got upset that the lunch lady talked to the media about it and that is why she got fired. The officials say she got sacked because she divulged personal information in breach of confidentiality rules (ie she may have given names to the media). The incident happened in April, the media report is dated 13 May. I think I would have talked to the media as well, but I also would have expected to get sacked. Hey, I would have walked out and taken my kids with me.

The school says it should be ready to release its report in a week and will be giving its findings to the parents of the children involved - in other words, only those two kids who were involved in the act? What about the culture of 'sweep it under the carpet" at the school? What about the kids who filmed it? The kids (the whole school-full) who all know who it was? I think this cat was well and truly out of the bag before this parent spoke up.

So, given this sort of attitude, and the teacher involved in this instance being on paid admin duties - I don't hold out much hope for action in Kanga's case.

Marg
 

JJJ

Active Member
Residential Treatment Center (RTC) really LOOKS at her records before they fall for her. I am sure some won't believe them, so probably some more drama to come.

I don't know how you handle it. It never seems to stop. How often do you have to visit her? Do you get grief for refusing home visits and most sibling visits? I know she has been awful at some of the visits and the other kids have anxiety if it is even mentioned. Will the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) insist on certain visiting schedules or understand why there are no home visits and rare sibling visits? Or is it a wait and see thing to see what kind of therapist/psychiatrist you get there?

We expect a lot more drama to come. At the beginning we only allowed her to call home twice a week and visited once a month. Then we were pressured to increase contact so we eventually went to daily phone calls and a visti every two weeks. We drag our feet as much as we can on sibling visits but there are times where we have to allow her another chance. These people control our funding so we are at their mercy to a point. When Kanga screws up, they do back me in suspending sibling visits but after a while of good behavior, they pressure me to have them visit again. We had no sib visits in the first 10 months, then once a month for 5 months but when she growled at Piglet and threatened to hurt her, we stopped for 3 months, did 1 more (sort of, mostly she screamed and we spent almost the whole time in the crisis counselors office and husband played with the kids in the rec center), and she hasn't seen them since due to her very unstable behavior (7 months now).

We hope to start out on the right foot with the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We are planning to set the expectation of a visit every 3 weeks and no sibling visits. Her current case manager used to work for new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (and may be going back there at the end of summer). She promised me that she spoke to all the right people and told them that it was very dangerous for them to push for home visits - even just daytime ones. She told them that Kanga's goal should not be considered return home but "transition to adult services". But, legally, her goal on the paperwork has to stay 'return home' and they'll just keep pushing the discharge date back as she 'fails to meet goals'.
 

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
JJJ, I understand your concern over sibling visits. I wish staff were more concerned & recognized this as a family issue, not just Kanga's needs.

In the meantime, is someone working with the rest of your kids ~ helping them sort out emotions & such before & after visits? I know Kanga has support; the rest of your kids need support as well.

I'm sure Kanga feels abandoned to some extent; she doesn't have the wherewithal to understand her role in this placement. Our difficult children, god love 'em, forget so quickly & so easily justify everything. If it weren't so exhausting, I'd be delighted at their creativity in their manipulation, reasons to blame others, etc. It's always brilliant.

Take care, triple J.
 

JJJ

Active Member
Yes, if only our difficult children would use their powers for good!

When Kanga first went into Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we had two great tdocs that helped the kids (and us) adjust and deal with all of the emotions. Both of them have since left the mental health clinic. We have 3 more months until we can start seeing the one therapist again (she went to a private clinic and her contract with the county did not allow her to see us until she'd been gone a year - course the waiting list at county is insane and Tigger still hasn't been assigned a new counselor :surprise: ) The other therapist moved about 4 hours away.

Currently Eeyore sees a counselor and Tigger has an amazing social social worker. Piglet says she's fine, we've had her checked by a few professionals and they all agree that she is doing great (didn't take Kanga personally, doesn't feel guilty for not having problmes) the only concern was a slight feeling of inadequacy especially in school, but we've been addressing that.

It will be interesting to meet the new therapist. She wasn't there the day I interviewed them, but case manager (who I love) said she's very good.

Kanga is still manic and blaming the "stupid school". Seriously, did she not majorly screw up???? She doesn't get it. She wants us to visit cause she is bored but she admits that she probably wouldn't behave if we did visit. We thanked her for her honesty and said we'd see her at the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as scheduled.
 

mrscatinthehat

Seussical
JJJ I feel for you. The day I got the call from difficult child 1 about "doing it" at school I was more than a little boggled. I hope the transition to the new facility goes well.
 
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