Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I just got off the phone with Kanga. She has been on a kick recently to have us find her a different group home than the one run by her current Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She's been "hearing things" about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s group home and she no longer wants to go there. What "things" you ask??? Things such as there are staff there -- and they have the nerve to supervise the girls. And the biggest horror -- she doesn't get her 'freedom' to leave the home whenever she wants to do whatever she wants.

    She is also demanding to be released from her safety plan (put in place when she engaged in sexual activity AT WORK with a male youth and then falsely accused him of rape). husband and I have both told her that we will not support her being removed from her safety plan, that we feel it is necessary to keep her and others safe.

    It is sadly funny that she really thinks that her choices are none of our business because she doesn't live here. She has her mental health review meeting in two weeks. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) works really well with the kids in helping them prepare for the meetings and they are allowed to make their own treatment proposals -- she is proposing that her safety plan be dropped. Staff has already told me that they are not supporting this request but that she will be helped to organize her thoughts and present her request. I just see that blowing up in their faces as she clearly thinks that they are "on her side".

    It'll be interesting to see how they respond to her demand to be sent to a group home run by a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC) -- one without rules ;)
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW. She really has very little contact with reality, does she? I find it amazing that she can actually think that anyone would agree with what she wants to do. Sadly she will be an adult soon and it will be hard to have anyone put any sort of limits on her. She will end up pregnant and most likely the poor baby will NOT be well cared for. I usually am not for taking away anyone's reproductive rights, but in her case it would be best for all if she could have her tubes tied. There just does not seem to be any contact between her view of things and reality, and I can only imagine how awful it would be for a child to be brought into that.

    I really hope that once she is an adult that she can be cut off from all contact with you and the other kids. She just isn't in touch with reality enough to be safe to be around, even superficially.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks Susie -- this is why this board is so important. After I posted, I wondered if I was being 'too strict' lol.

    She agreed to the birth control implant a few months ago. She cannot get pg until at least 19 -- thank God!!! husband and I agreed, no matter how horrible she is being as an adult, if she remains in contact with us, we will pay her to get the implant redone everything 3 years until her childbearing years are behind her. We also are in agreement that we would call DCFS if we felt the baby was in any danger and that we would NOT be foster parents for her kids. One of the drawbacks to the implant is that if it is not replaced every 3 years, it can lead to infertility -- sadly, in this case that would not necessarily be a drawback.

    At one of her psychiatric hospital stays when she was 13, the psychiatrist said that Kanga would be an interesting case study as he would have expected a child with her level of impaired reality and low impulse control to be on drugs and pregnant at 13. The fact that she is now 16, still not on drugs nor pregnant is probably nothing short of a miracle. The psychiatrist said that it is rare that he gets to treat a child this impaired who is "just" mentally ill and not a substance abuser. He hoped that it would increase her chances for a successful adulthood. That is still to be seen but at least we have prevented her from bringing an innocent child into the situation.

    She is 21 months away from being 18. We are 3 months away from our next funding renewal. If we can get her funding renewed at that time (and there is every indication that we will), then we should be golden for funding through her 18th birthday, while technically we would need 5 months beyond that, I think we could probably throw ourselves on the mercy of our school district to get through the last semester. At that point, she will not have seen the other kids in over 3 years and had very limited contact in the 2 years before that. I'm hoping that she leaves them alone. We are pushing hard for her 'supported housing' to be near her old Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as that is over 2 hours away and there is no 'easy' public transportation from there to here.

    All of our facebook accounts are on strictest privacy and I'm teaching the others how to keep their info as private as possible, difficult to do in this day and age, especially with Piglet's sports -- as everything is documented online.

    If necessary, we will move if she presents a danger to us but I think she will simply vanish except for a random 'gimme' call around her birthday and Christmas.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree with psychiatrist that it is a miracle - largely due to you and husband - that she is not on drugs. Most likely it is due to the strict supervision you have provided/advocated for rather than any choice of Kanga's. in my opinion if she ever thinks she can get away with using drugs she will be addicted in very short order.

    WHile all the internet stuff can be interesting, it really does increase the risks for those of us with family members who can be dangerous. I hope that the kids take heed and keep their distance from Kanga once they are adults. It only takes a couple of well meaning strangers pushing the idea of "family togetherness" to undo all the hard work and distance you have created. Hopefully the other kids do not ever fall prey to those influences.

    As for being "too strict", that is totally NOT NOT NOT the case. NO WAY should Kanga be given anything near the "freedoms" she wants as she is NOT in ANY way able to behave with any contact with reality or safety. in my opinion she really is dangerous to herself and to others. Dont' listen to anyone telling you that you are too strict with her. You know better!
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Definitely not being too strict! She really isn't in touch with reality. I'm glad the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she is in is doing such a good job (evidenced by the fact that she wants to be transferred to one with no rules). Hugs.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hmmmmm.......after considerable thought cannot say you're being too strict. Saying that wm's transitional high school is letting wm bring some of the most "curious" treatment ideas to his team mtgs. It's more teaching him to prepare & present as a young adult versus giving him clearance to do various & sundry ideas into his treatment plan. On some level it's difficult for me to not burst out laughing during wm's well thought out presentation.

    Like your Kanga, wm isn't very well connected to reality ~ in his mind it all makes great sense.

    God bless you Triple J. This too shall pass
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Have you seen any additional effects from the implant?
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Yes, after Residential Treatment Center (RTC) totally blew it this summer (we told them that she had a plan to get alone with a boy and get busy and they just didn't believe that she could 'beat' their supervision). To their credit, they completely redesigned how school/work is structured to prevent her or any other youth from being able to do it that way again.

    She also states she needs to go to a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s group home cause she is tired of people not trusting her and she is tired of her safety plan. Um, Kanga, your safety plan goes with you to any new Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/group home.

    Shocking that staff doesn't trust her because she manipulated them and it resulted in a youth worker being 'reassigned' and the boys don't trust her cause she lied about being raped and the girls don't trust her cause she's did sex-stuff on the floor of the cafeteria - after going after this boy who already had a girlfriend (who wouldn't give it up at work). She completely does not get that the other youth think she was nasty for doing that, she thinks they are all just jealous.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Exactly. Once I understood that it was merely about letting her voice be heard, not giving her any power to make these "curious treatment ideas" a part of her treatment plan, I let her speak but it was hard to try and participate in a serious discussion of them afterward (they try and pull out some tiny part of it that they can use and explain why 'at this time' they can't adopt the whole idea).
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Any side effects? Nope. Her arm was a little sore for about a week but that is it. She had been on the pill for 4 years before that. We went with the implant because of how long it is effective.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I ask because I've seen friends with it that had serious side effects, from migraines and depression to constant spotting for the entire lifetime of the implant.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad she has no side effects from the implants. I also know people who have had big problems due to the implants. Around here you are hard pressed to find a doctor who will even discuss the implants - most docs won't use them because they can cause so many side effects. I am glad they are still available because there are always going to be mentally ill people who have no business having babies because they just are not in touch with reality enough to care for them even in the short term. Maybe not a popular idea, but a realistic one, in my opinion.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    In one of her more lucid moments, Kanga's birthmom asked the doctor to 'fix' her after Eeyore was born but public aid wouldn't pay for it so it didn't happen (which was a blessing for me cause I got Piglet!) but allegedly, the doctor did it pro bono after Piglet was born. Course, knowing what I know know about mental delusions, I've got to take that story with a grain of salt but Kanga's birthmom is another one who should have never been allowed to breed. It is immoral to forcibly prevent someone from having children; however, I think it is a moral imperative to present them with alternatives (implant, shots, pills, etc.) and try really hard to convince them to choose birth control.

    Kanga tried to call today while I was at the hospital with my dad -- I just ignored the call, I could not deal with her. I know she was calling to try and drive me nuts again cause she didn't even try to call husband (when she is looking to chat, she'll call both of us -- if she is looking to try and pick a fight, she only calls me).