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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 678800" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>HM, please keep posting---you have much humor, strength and courage to share. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday, my sister went with my parents to a counselor to talk about my brother's alcoholism and what to do. Later my sister texted me to say that the session went well and they are getting ready to do an intervention and my parents have to do a couple of things first. She said there were some good insights in the session.</p><p></p><p>I texted back, well good, I'm glad it went well.</p><p></p><p>You know, HM, I hope something good comes from this, but whatever it may, it's their journey. It's my mom's journey and my dad's journey and my brother's journey (they all live in the same house). </p><p></p><p>This is the New Me talking. The old me would have been all up in their business about this. Calling, asking, advising, jumping on a plane to be there. </p><p></p><p>They haven't asked me to get involved, so it's none of my business.</p><p></p><p>PIVOT!! I love the idea inherent in pivoting. I have choices. I can choose my reaction/nonreaction to anything/everything all day every day. I don't have to feel bad. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to say anything. I can decide what my role is. I have choices. </p><p></p><p>Even when Difficult Child was in his depths, I was making progress learning this. Before, I allowed myself to be held captive by my feelings, all the time. All the time about everything. My feelings were paramount. My good sense was always riding in the back seat (sometimes in the trunk LOL) but my feelings were driving the bus. </p><p></p><p>Now, today, when something bad happens, I am learning to feel my feelings....wait....accept my feelings...cry, pound the pillow, grieve, feel sad...wait....wait...let it all pass through me like a thunderstorm...sitting with it and recognizing it...and then...moving forward again, doing something kind for myself and with a clearer mind and heart, deciding what course to take. </p><p></p><p>This is my new normal. I am so thankful for it. It works in all situations, family, friends, work, problems, good times, bad times. </p><p></p><p>Feelings are wonderful but boy they can be so powerful and hard to manage and endure. </p><p></p><p>My Difficult Child is doing so well today but there are still things that could be issues. He told me the other day he is going to get a credit card. Warning bells firing off in my head. I suggested that isn't a good idea. Three days later he talked about it again. He wants me to bless the idea. I didn't say anything that time. I have learned to say things one time...more times I am trying to manipulate and control the situation. He knows what I think---I told him already. that's enough. He's a 26yo man and if he wants to get a credit card, he will. And maybe he will manage it well. Who knows? </p><p></p><p>Learning how to live my own live and let other people go has been the greatest gift. I am so much happier now and so much more peaceful.</p><p></p><p>Who would ever have thought that the horror of five+ years with Difficult Child, and ex-husband before that for 10+ bad years, would result in such a happier me? </p><p></p><p>I write this because it is possible to change. People can change if they want to and if they work for it. Our DCs can change, and we can change. But we have to want it so badly that we work hard for it. It doesn't come easily.</p><p></p><p>So glad to hear from you! I am hoping and praying that many good things come your way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 678800, member: 17542"] HM, please keep posting---you have much humor, strength and courage to share. Yesterday, my sister went with my parents to a counselor to talk about my brother's alcoholism and what to do. Later my sister texted me to say that the session went well and they are getting ready to do an intervention and my parents have to do a couple of things first. She said there were some good insights in the session. I texted back, well good, I'm glad it went well. You know, HM, I hope something good comes from this, but whatever it may, it's their journey. It's my mom's journey and my dad's journey and my brother's journey (they all live in the same house). This is the New Me talking. The old me would have been all up in their business about this. Calling, asking, advising, jumping on a plane to be there. They haven't asked me to get involved, so it's none of my business. PIVOT!! I love the idea inherent in pivoting. I have choices. I can choose my reaction/nonreaction to anything/everything all day every day. I don't have to feel bad. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to say anything. I can decide what my role is. I have choices. Even when Difficult Child was in his depths, I was making progress learning this. Before, I allowed myself to be held captive by my feelings, all the time. All the time about everything. My feelings were paramount. My good sense was always riding in the back seat (sometimes in the trunk LOL) but my feelings were driving the bus. Now, today, when something bad happens, I am learning to feel my feelings....wait....accept my feelings...cry, pound the pillow, grieve, feel sad...wait....wait...let it all pass through me like a thunderstorm...sitting with it and recognizing it...and then...moving forward again, doing something kind for myself and with a clearer mind and heart, deciding what course to take. This is my new normal. I am so thankful for it. It works in all situations, family, friends, work, problems, good times, bad times. Feelings are wonderful but boy they can be so powerful and hard to manage and endure. My Difficult Child is doing so well today but there are still things that could be issues. He told me the other day he is going to get a credit card. Warning bells firing off in my head. I suggested that isn't a good idea. Three days later he talked about it again. He wants me to bless the idea. I didn't say anything that time. I have learned to say things one time...more times I am trying to manipulate and control the situation. He knows what I think---I told him already. that's enough. He's a 26yo man and if he wants to get a credit card, he will. And maybe he will manage it well. Who knows? Learning how to live my own live and let other people go has been the greatest gift. I am so much happier now and so much more peaceful. Who would ever have thought that the horror of five+ years with Difficult Child, and ex-husband before that for 10+ bad years, would result in such a happier me? I write this because it is possible to change. People can change if they want to and if they work for it. Our DCs can change, and we can change. But we have to want it so badly that we work hard for it. It doesn't come easily. So glad to hear from you! I am hoping and praying that many good things come your way. [/QUOTE]
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