Kevin McCallister wannabe

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dcwsaranac, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    So what am I supposed to do when my blessed little boy is throwing a tempter tantrum because he doesn't want to get dressed to go see the psychiatric?

    Gotta love these days...:mad:
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Take him in his state of undress. My daughter used to try that one. She quit after going to school in her jammies, shopping in a long t-shirt and the park in her slippers (which meant she really couldn't run and play). Some things aren't worth the battle.
  3. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    but isn't that letting him win? telling him that he can get away with this behavior?

    sorry - I'm just too new to this.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Generally, a six year will be uncomfortable going anywhere in their pj's, especially if it's because they are acting up. And if it doesn't bother him, then it's not worth the battle of getting him dressed anyway.
  5. GinAndTonic

    GinAndTonic New Member

    Pick your battles. Let him go as he is.
  6. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    I used to take my difficult child 2 to school in his jammies and bring the clothes. The Easy Child teacher would eventually convince him to get dressed like everyone else...pretty soon it was no longer a battle. He might think he's winning for now, but he'll relent eventually. Good luck!
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's a reasonable consequence to his not getting dressed. You could stash some clothes in a bag for him to put on later, but he's not embarrassed by his behavior. He should be. Maybe he will be if he gets some rolled eyes and gasps of disgust when he shows up in his knickers. Also, it gives the psychiatrist a clear idea of what he is up to. And you don't have to fight him.

    The car leaves with him for the appointment at whatever time is appropriate.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Choices -

    Learn how to say things like :

    You can either go to the psychiatrist in your pajamas or in clothes - which to YOU CHOOSE?

    -Of course they may say NEITHER -

    To which you say "That's not a choice, so by not making a choice you are telling me I can make this choice for you."

    _Sometimes you get "I can make my own choices"
    _Sometimes you get "I choose to make neither choice"

    You would have to say "Neither is not a choice - pajamas or clothes and the clock is ticking - you have 2 minutes to choose. At the end of 2 minutes you give up your right to a choice - and I'll take you dressed like you are."

    MANY MANY times - I wish I had taken pictures on the way to the psychiatrist of the "additional" items he dressed in thinking it would phase me. Nope -

    If they are still struggling - let the psychiatrist take care of the mood - and you sit and read a magazine.

    We used to have to lock the door from the inside for our son at the psychiatrist -

    Good luck -
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You may be able to force him because you're bigger but he's ultimately won. You're late for the appointment, you're frazzled, frustrated and angry. If he plays his cards right, you've lost control. It may seem that you "won" because you got him out the door dressed but the reality is he won either because he brought you down to his level or turned you into someone you don't like.

    Some battles are worth fighting. Some aren't. Letting him out the door in inappropriate clothing is definitely not worth it in my book. You can always bring clothes for him to change into (even though I wasn't that nice -- you lived with your choice and, hopefully, learned a valuable lesson about getting dressed properly and in a timely manner). Sadly, with our kids, there are many, many battles. So, it is best to pick the ones you have to fight and let natural consequences take care of the others.

    Do read The Explosive Child. It explains your son's mindset far better than most of us here can. Even if you decide it is not the best way to parent for your child, it will help in just understanding him a little bit better
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I agree with Meowbunny, and Star provides some great advice about responding to the arguments you're likely hear.

    The trick (and yes, it's very hard) is to appear calm when you're doing this. You may be pitching a fit inside your head, but don't ever let your difficult child see you sweat.

    We have a rule in our house: We provide appropriate clothing for all activities. If you choose not to wear it, we don't want to hear about it. So...when difficult child decided to go outside without his coat in December, I said Fine. Get in the car, but one word of complaint about being cold and <insert loss or privilege or consequence here>. The car had heat, we were going to an indoor destination, difficult child didn't suffer all that much, but he did learn from it.

    If you let them see your frustration during any of this, then they have found another button to push.

    All the best,
  11. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    We made it, and he did get dressed. I think I did ok, but do need to get a better understanding of what's going on in his head. Here's how it played out:

    The kids wanted McD's for lunch and we were going to stop there on the way. He was dressed, but not in acceptable clothes. There would not have been any embarassment. Sorry that I didn't get back on in time to clarify - clock was ticking.

    I hold him that he had to change before we could go to McD's. He refused. I stayed calm and ignored his tantrum (except to start this post). Tantrum grew into total rage, but I ignored except to let him know that if he didn't get changed in time, we'd have to skip McD's. Much bigger tantrum ensued. I continued to stay calm and ignore things flying past my head (luckily he's a bad shot). Ultimately, he stormed off.

    I ended grabbing sandwiches and fruit for us and started moving the cars around. He came out (with the correct clothes on) and was very upset when he saw the sandwiches. I said I was sorry, but that it had taken too long and there wasn't time. Battle over - off to the doctor.

    Interesting visit with the doctor: son was pretty well behaved. doctor is not sure that we are done with getting the medications set, yet. He wouldn't say that he recommended additional medications, but that there were additional medications available if we wanted them. He suggested choosing one of two tranquilizers - I forget the names (should have written them down): one was at blood-level tranquilizer that sounded like it was pretty heavy-duty and began with a "T", the other was a 4 hour tranq. that began with an "M".

    I don't know that I'm ready to go with either. I think that behavior modification and therapy are the way to go for now. I just don't think that my son has crossed over that line in the sand that calls for more drugs.

    Any advise on what to look for in a therapist?
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    It took me all day to figure out who Kevin McCallister was - Home alone -SHEEEEEZ. I can still hear the Mom yelling "KEVIN"
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I was wondering that too, Star. And here's the funny part, Duckie watched Home Alone last night! :rofl:
  14. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    Sorry for the curve ball, but as I was writing it, he was standing in front of me, jumping up and down, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Except for the words, it was straight out of "Home Alone".