Hi
Here is a little background on our family.
I have had a hard time setting boundaries on my daughter especially considering I just learned about boundaries myself. I am an adult child of an alcoholic who has been sober for almost her whole life. I did have a brief relapse about 5 years ago due to not working a program for years. I did not realize my codependency issue until I started having major marital issues. My husband has been battling alcoholism for the last 7/8 years and I have just recently kicked him out. He has yet to get sober. I am attending al anon and therapy but my daughter is not.
My daughter just graduated high school and is thinking about college but has not done anything as of yet. She is smoking weed, drinking, and her friends are questionable.
I finally told her to leave due to her disrespect (not doing minor chores, arguing, not following rules). She did leave but when she tried to bulldoze her way back in the house a couple of days later, I again said she will not live in my house unless she can respect me and my rules. When I told her to leave she refused, so I tried to push her out of her room. She is much bigger and stronger than I, and she knows it. She became physical and pushed me down still refusing to leave. After a bit of a struggle due to me trying to get her out, she finally left. During the struggle, she pushed me down hard and open hand pushed my face. She wanted to hit me for sure. When she walked out she raised her fist and said, I just want to punch you right now.
I have NEVER hit her or even spanked her. She has never hit me before.
Her Dad is still not back in the home but comes around a lot. He was at the house when the incident occurred and understands she is out of control. We live in a rural area, and since she has no phone (I took it away) he texted her friend to come back and pick her up which is what happened. She is now staying with that friend, I assume. We have 2 younger children as well who love there sister and although they have seen us argue, they have never seen any physical fighting. Thank God they were asleep. They know I told her to leave the other day and that she is not coming home until she can be respectful.
I am hoping someone can help me with advice on how to help her.
My question really concerns: How do I start setting boundaries now that she is already out of control? I love her and want to help her but I refuse to be so completely disrespected anymore.
Thanks
Katie
Here is a little background on our family.
I have had a hard time setting boundaries on my daughter especially considering I just learned about boundaries myself. I am an adult child of an alcoholic who has been sober for almost her whole life. I did have a brief relapse about 5 years ago due to not working a program for years. I did not realize my codependency issue until I started having major marital issues. My husband has been battling alcoholism for the last 7/8 years and I have just recently kicked him out. He has yet to get sober. I am attending al anon and therapy but my daughter is not.
My daughter just graduated high school and is thinking about college but has not done anything as of yet. She is smoking weed, drinking, and her friends are questionable.
I finally told her to leave due to her disrespect (not doing minor chores, arguing, not following rules). She did leave but when she tried to bulldoze her way back in the house a couple of days later, I again said she will not live in my house unless she can respect me and my rules. When I told her to leave she refused, so I tried to push her out of her room. She is much bigger and stronger than I, and she knows it. She became physical and pushed me down still refusing to leave. After a bit of a struggle due to me trying to get her out, she finally left. During the struggle, she pushed me down hard and open hand pushed my face. She wanted to hit me for sure. When she walked out she raised her fist and said, I just want to punch you right now.
I have NEVER hit her or even spanked her. She has never hit me before.
Her Dad is still not back in the home but comes around a lot. He was at the house when the incident occurred and understands she is out of control. We live in a rural area, and since she has no phone (I took it away) he texted her friend to come back and pick her up which is what happened. She is now staying with that friend, I assume. We have 2 younger children as well who love there sister and although they have seen us argue, they have never seen any physical fighting. Thank God they were asleep. They know I told her to leave the other day and that she is not coming home until she can be respectful.
I am hoping someone can help me with advice on how to help her.
My question really concerns: How do I start setting boundaries now that she is already out of control? I love her and want to help her but I refuse to be so completely disrespected anymore.
Thanks
Katie
