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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704732" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>In the thread: <u>Some of the basics</u> in general parenting, you may find some support. There are similarities in your situations.</p><p></p><p>You sound very strong and clear to me. In my own journey, I found HOPE to be a very complicated idea and not always helpful for me to hold it for my son. After all, what do we control at this point? Nothing. To have my happiness, contentment, indeed life, to be held hostage for feeling hope for somebody over whom I have no control--felt self-destructive, and ultimately not my business.</p><p></p><p>It is for your son to hold hope for himself, not the other way around. My son's hope, rightfully, resides in him.</p><p></p><p>Your son is saying<em><strong> No</strong></em> to every single constructive option: therapy, drug treatment, job corps--even respecting the system of locks on your front door, which to my view, was very generous. This time, the past 9 months or so my son was here--I did not give him one key for my house. He was responsible to arrange to meet us. When he was locked out--he was.</p><p></p><p>If your son says <em><strong>No</strong></em>, how is it that you are required to say yes? In my culture, by the time they were your son's age, most of the people in my grandparents' generation had left their parents and their countries. And were never again to see them in life. I am not advocating being tough on him or to hurt him, but how do you help him, by allowing him to destroy you? That is what I struggle with understanding. Where is it required that somebody be destroyed by another person, who is not trying to help themselves?</p><p></p><p>I understand that your son suffered, and that you suffer, that that has occurred. But there is no way to go back and to change the past. Right now, it appears that the state has taken responsibility for him, and may be looking for a way out, that they avoid the responsibility--<em>because he is avoiding his</em>. I get this. What objectively has changed for you to accept this responsibility?</p><p></p><p>All of us suffer from guilt. Missed opportunities. Actions taken, regretted. Not taken, regretted as well. All responsible parents suffer this. It is part of living. And learning.</p><p></p><p>Your changing life you have learned. You have not turned your back on your child. Stop letting him batter you, I say. That is not neglect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704732, member: 18958"] In the thread: [U]Some of the basics[/U] in general parenting, you may find some support. There are similarities in your situations. You sound very strong and clear to me. In my own journey, I found HOPE to be a very complicated idea and not always helpful for me to hold it for my son. After all, what do we control at this point? Nothing. To have my happiness, contentment, indeed life, to be held hostage for feeling hope for somebody over whom I have no control--felt self-destructive, and ultimately not my business. It is for your son to hold hope for himself, not the other way around. My son's hope, rightfully, resides in him. Your son is saying[I][B] No[/B][/I] to every single constructive option: therapy, drug treatment, job corps--even respecting the system of locks on your front door, which to my view, was very generous. This time, the past 9 months or so my son was here--I did not give him one key for my house. He was responsible to arrange to meet us. When he was locked out--he was. If your son says [I][B]No[/B][/I], how is it that you are required to say yes? In my culture, by the time they were your son's age, most of the people in my grandparents' generation had left their parents and their countries. And were never again to see them in life. I am not advocating being tough on him or to hurt him, but how do you help him, by allowing him to destroy you? That is what I struggle with understanding. Where is it required that somebody be destroyed by another person, who is not trying to help themselves? I understand that your son suffered, and that you suffer, that that has occurred. But there is no way to go back and to change the past. Right now, it appears that the state has taken responsibility for him, and may be looking for a way out, that they avoid the responsibility--[I]because he is avoiding his[/I]. I get this. What objectively has changed for you to accept this responsibility? All of us suffer from guilt. Missed opportunities. Actions taken, regretted. Not taken, regretted as well. All responsible parents suffer this. It is part of living. And learning. Your changing life you have learned. You have not turned your back on your child. Stop letting him batter you, I say. That is not neglect. [/QUOTE]
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