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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 705206" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>I've been thinking about just the title "Setting Boundaries with your adult children"- I don't know if my son is an adult or not. He's 18. So, on some level.... Would the book apply to someone so young?</p><p></p><p>This is what has transpired: I had him pretty much out of the house. But as soon as I got him out he got really sick. Some sort of anxiety/cannabis hyperemesis thing-- more or less a weed toxicity where pot become nausea inducing rather than surpassing. He once vomited for a month until he was eventually hospitalized for drastic weight loss- no physical causes found.</p><p></p><p>That came on on a Monday, I think. Then I still had him kicked out until a Thursday, even though he had left the foster home because he said the older, birth children, gang members themselves would beat him up for puking all the time and draining all the hate water in the house (hot showers make him feel better).</p><p></p><p>It is infuriating and impossible to live with him in this condition. I don't understand the whole thing-- he can't stop vomiting, but he also induces his own vomiting with his fingers in order to get relief from.... something.</p><p></p><p>I accidentally left my door unlocked on that Thursday. He texted me to tell me so then when I got home he was asleep in my bed. It was hard to throw him out again in that state. On Christmas eve I left and spent the night with a friend. He was pretty upset and lonely-- I abandoned him on Christmas. ....but I was loosing my mind.</p><p></p><p>On Monday we agreed that he would be gone by the time I got home from work. He was. Then the next morning he was texting me by 3am asking me to lock just the lock he has so he can get in.... needs a place to be... needs his towel... can't use anyone else's towel in the foster home....</p><p></p><p>I did- so he could get the towel. But at the end of the day I got a text that he has left his coat at my place and to text him before I go to bed so he could come get it. I blew a fuse. I'm generally really calm, but having a screaming melt down on him seems to be effective. I find that curious.</p><p></p><p>Things were just going on and on and on. I let him get the towel, and now he'd made another hook. If I loose sight of the larger situation I'd would not be able to understand my response. Me leaving him on Christmas seemed to have a good effect one his illness, by the way. He recovered, almost in full.</p><p></p><p>I sent about 10 texts- threatened to leave the coat on the street- told him to come get it right now... He not only came and got it but also removed the bag of his clothes I've wanted him to. If I was rational and calm and stated what I needed, what I wanted- he would say no. But now that I was a hysterical loon, I got my way. I'm not comfortable with that aspect of how this all went down.</p><p></p><p>I've now had two peaceful nights. I'm worried about him, but so relieved not to have heard from him. I really need time to recover myself. I treasure my solitude, but I'm sad, too. Thinking about how I used to have a family..... My ex treated me like his property- so it wasn't *all that*. But it was a family.</p><p></p><p>I know I still have my kid, even if I don't want to talk to him. But it's an awful victory... I really do love being alone in the house- it's not that I'm lonely- it's just- a lot of loss I guess.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 705206, member: 17805"] I've been thinking about just the title "Setting Boundaries with your adult children"- I don't know if my son is an adult or not. He's 18. So, on some level.... Would the book apply to someone so young? This is what has transpired: I had him pretty much out of the house. But as soon as I got him out he got really sick. Some sort of anxiety/cannabis hyperemesis thing-- more or less a weed toxicity where pot become nausea inducing rather than surpassing. He once vomited for a month until he was eventually hospitalized for drastic weight loss- no physical causes found. That came on on a Monday, I think. Then I still had him kicked out until a Thursday, even though he had left the foster home because he said the older, birth children, gang members themselves would beat him up for puking all the time and draining all the hate water in the house (hot showers make him feel better). It is infuriating and impossible to live with him in this condition. I don't understand the whole thing-- he can't stop vomiting, but he also induces his own vomiting with his fingers in order to get relief from.... something. I accidentally left my door unlocked on that Thursday. He texted me to tell me so then when I got home he was asleep in my bed. It was hard to throw him out again in that state. On Christmas eve I left and spent the night with a friend. He was pretty upset and lonely-- I abandoned him on Christmas. ....but I was loosing my mind. On Monday we agreed that he would be gone by the time I got home from work. He was. Then the next morning he was texting me by 3am asking me to lock just the lock he has so he can get in.... needs a place to be... needs his towel... can't use anyone else's towel in the foster home.... I did- so he could get the towel. But at the end of the day I got a text that he has left his coat at my place and to text him before I go to bed so he could come get it. I blew a fuse. I'm generally really calm, but having a screaming melt down on him seems to be effective. I find that curious. Things were just going on and on and on. I let him get the towel, and now he'd made another hook. If I loose sight of the larger situation I'd would not be able to understand my response. Me leaving him on Christmas seemed to have a good effect one his illness, by the way. He recovered, almost in full. I sent about 10 texts- threatened to leave the coat on the street- told him to come get it right now... He not only came and got it but also removed the bag of his clothes I've wanted him to. If I was rational and calm and stated what I needed, what I wanted- he would say no. But now that I was a hysterical loon, I got my way. I'm not comfortable with that aspect of how this all went down. I've now had two peaceful nights. I'm worried about him, but so relieved not to have heard from him. I really need time to recover myself. I treasure my solitude, but I'm sad, too. Thinking about how I used to have a family..... My ex treated me like his property- so it wasn't *all that*. But it was a family. I know I still have my kid, even if I don't want to talk to him. But it's an awful victory... I really do love being alone in the house- it's not that I'm lonely- it's just- a lot of loss I guess. [/QUOTE]
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