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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 705489" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Hi Dayatatime:</p><p></p><p>My son is living in Florida - as you can see by my signature he was sent there for rehab etc. etc. When he screws up I block him from my phone. The only way he can contact me is by email - at work - which I only check M-F. I had him blocked for about a month but I knew he could reach his dad (my husband) if he really needed us. He tries to manipulate me (and is usually successful but I'm getting better) and husband is not easy. He reached out to me that time by email and apologized for everything he has done to hurt me. I continued to block him until we saw him in November. I stayed cautious. </p><p></p><p>I blocked him again on Friday night. Reason? He had spent Christmas with us at our condo. Visit was very nice/happy etc. Was smoking weed outside a few times. We didn't say anything; did not want to ruin our holiday. Didn't want to deal with it. Husband planned to discuss it with him later. When we got home he asked husband for some money for rent (we already pay $400; he pays $200) during the day on Friday since he was short (due to Christmas he said) yet we knew he was working before it was due so had time. Husband said no. You can buy weed, you can figure it out. You used rent money for weed? Not our problem. Son then texted me Friday night asking me to ask dad for $15. I said dad said no; weed. He then sent me the middle finger emoji. Wow. He has never said mean things to me nor been disrespectful. I blocked him immediately. I am protecting myself.</p><p></p><p>Today I got to work and saw that he emailed me yesterday that he loves and misses me. He sent that yesterday. I responded that I will no longer be hurt by him and his choices. That I love and miss him too but I don't know who he is. That his entire family who love him more than anyone, have been victims of his choices and we don't deserve it. That he has to figure this out. He is an adult.</p><p></p><p>When I saw him I know that the parent/child relationship has changed which is normal. He IS growing up but it's happening very slowly.</p><p></p><p>Again, boundaries. Our relationship has conditions. I will not tolerate him treating me badly or disrespecting me every again. I have been a good mother to him and I don't deserve it. I am focusing on ME. I am being selfish. I want to live without all this drama and worry and I deserve to.</p><p></p><p>I think once I realized that he may die from his poor choices after he overdosed in June - and accepted that - a very hard thing for a mother to do and it took many years to get here - the rest isn't as hard. It sucks but I cannot control him or his choices. I put it in God's hands. When I worry I just say that over and over and it helps.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 705489, member: 15032"] Hi Dayatatime: My son is living in Florida - as you can see by my signature he was sent there for rehab etc. etc. When he screws up I block him from my phone. The only way he can contact me is by email - at work - which I only check M-F. I had him blocked for about a month but I knew he could reach his dad (my husband) if he really needed us. He tries to manipulate me (and is usually successful but I'm getting better) and husband is not easy. He reached out to me that time by email and apologized for everything he has done to hurt me. I continued to block him until we saw him in November. I stayed cautious. I blocked him again on Friday night. Reason? He had spent Christmas with us at our condo. Visit was very nice/happy etc. Was smoking weed outside a few times. We didn't say anything; did not want to ruin our holiday. Didn't want to deal with it. Husband planned to discuss it with him later. When we got home he asked husband for some money for rent (we already pay $400; he pays $200) during the day on Friday since he was short (due to Christmas he said) yet we knew he was working before it was due so had time. Husband said no. You can buy weed, you can figure it out. You used rent money for weed? Not our problem. Son then texted me Friday night asking me to ask dad for $15. I said dad said no; weed. He then sent me the middle finger emoji. Wow. He has never said mean things to me nor been disrespectful. I blocked him immediately. I am protecting myself. Today I got to work and saw that he emailed me yesterday that he loves and misses me. He sent that yesterday. I responded that I will no longer be hurt by him and his choices. That I love and miss him too but I don't know who he is. That his entire family who love him more than anyone, have been victims of his choices and we don't deserve it. That he has to figure this out. He is an adult. When I saw him I know that the parent/child relationship has changed which is normal. He IS growing up but it's happening very slowly. Again, boundaries. Our relationship has conditions. I will not tolerate him treating me badly or disrespecting me every again. I have been a good mother to him and I don't deserve it. I am focusing on ME. I am being selfish. I want to live without all this drama and worry and I deserve to. I think once I realized that he may die from his poor choices after he overdosed in June - and accepted that - a very hard thing for a mother to do and it took many years to get here - the rest isn't as hard. It sucks but I cannot control him or his choices. I put it in God's hands. When I worry I just say that over and over and it helps. :staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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