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Kicked out 18 yr old son today....how did I get here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 733531" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Show Me,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you found us here. There are years of wisdom from battle weary parents within these pages. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You can be as strict as you want to in your home. Also, he's wrong, not all parents let their kids smoke weed.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is something that all difficult children have in common, they know how to manipulate us. We as parents have to recognize it and counter it. They know how to use our emotions against us. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand he's disappointed and I don't blame him, however this is life and it's hard. This will not be the only disappointment he will have to deal with in his life. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh I've heard those same words from my own son. Funny how when things don't go well for them they will be begging for money.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand why you called. He's your son, you love him and are worried about him. Don't beat yourself up for this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh the "mommy can fix it" syndrome. I too have suffered this. The mommy in us has always been able to make everything in our child's world okay for them. The difference is now they are no longer children but adults and no matter how much the mommy in us wants to fix things for them, we can't.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, I understand he worked hard but that is no guarantee. I would remind him that there are many pro ball players that have suffered career ending injuries and one of two things happen. 1. They give up and lose all the money they made. 2. They rely on their education and venture down a new path.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is nothing harder than watching our sweet little boy/girl turn into someone we don't know.</p><p></p><p>You told your son to leave your home. You didn't "kick" him out, you liberated him to live his life on his terms. There is a big misconception with difficult adult children, they think our homes are theirs. Our homes are ours. We have children, we raise them the best we can, they become adults and they leave the nest to live their own lives.</p><p></p><p>For us, with difficult adult children it's different. They leave us worrying and wondering if they are okay, where they are sleeping, are they eating, etc............</p><p></p><p>I have wasted years of my life worrying about my son. I have wasted years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars trying to help/fix/save my son. Nothing I did for him made any difference.</p><p></p><p>Your son is still very young and this could turn around for him. My son is 36 and it could still turn around for him as well but in order for that to happen for my son or yours, it has to be THEIR choice.</p><p></p><p>Take some time to step back from it all. As hard as it may be don't call your son to check up on him. When you do this it sends him a message that you are desperate and worried and it's those emotions that can be used to manipulate you.</p><p></p><p>Be good to yourself and whatever you do, don't blame yourself.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 733531, member: 18516"] Hi Show Me, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you found us here. There are years of wisdom from battle weary parents within these pages. You can be as strict as you want to in your home. Also, he's wrong, not all parents let their kids smoke weed. This is something that all difficult children have in common, they know how to manipulate us. We as parents have to recognize it and counter it. They know how to use our emotions against us. I understand he's disappointed and I don't blame him, however this is life and it's hard. This will not be the only disappointment he will have to deal with in his life. Oh I've heard those same words from my own son. Funny how when things don't go well for them they will be begging for money. I understand why you called. He's your son, you love him and are worried about him. Don't beat yourself up for this. Oh the "mommy can fix it" syndrome. I too have suffered this. The mommy in us has always been able to make everything in our child's world okay for them. The difference is now they are no longer children but adults and no matter how much the mommy in us wants to fix things for them, we can't. Again, I understand he worked hard but that is no guarantee. I would remind him that there are many pro ball players that have suffered career ending injuries and one of two things happen. 1. They give up and lose all the money they made. 2. They rely on their education and venture down a new path. There is nothing harder than watching our sweet little boy/girl turn into someone we don't know. You told your son to leave your home. You didn't "kick" him out, you liberated him to live his life on his terms. There is a big misconception with difficult adult children, they think our homes are theirs. Our homes are ours. We have children, we raise them the best we can, they become adults and they leave the nest to live their own lives. For us, with difficult adult children it's different. They leave us worrying and wondering if they are okay, where they are sleeping, are they eating, etc............ I have wasted years of my life worrying about my son. I have wasted years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars trying to help/fix/save my son. Nothing I did for him made any difference. Your son is still very young and this could turn around for him. My son is 36 and it could still turn around for him as well but in order for that to happen for my son or yours, it has to be THEIR choice. Take some time to step back from it all. As hard as it may be don't call your son to check up on him. When you do this it sends him a message that you are desperate and worried and it's those emotions that can be used to manipulate you. Be good to yourself and whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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Kicked out 18 yr old son today....how did I get here?
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