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Kicked out 18 yr old son today....how did I get here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 733921" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I am so so sorry. His is a sad story. But as we know life catches up with everybody sooner or later. It can never be a fantasy, which is what he is asking.</p><p></p><p>For what it is worth, I think you did the only thing you could do in the circumstances.</p><p></p><p>He was as if begging you to set a limit. To draw a line.</p><p></p><p>With your action you told him: I stand for you. I will not help you live badly and destroy yourself, or anybody else.</p><p></p><p>My spiritual director has told me over and over again, support requires resistance. By that she means we do not feel support and cannot truly support ourselves without pushing up against edges. Think about a chair.</p><p></p><p>You gave your son that edge. To stop his free fall.</p><p></p><p>You may have to do it over and over again by setting boundaries.</p><p></p><p>It is for you. Yes. But him too.</p><p></p><p>We have no control. They do what they want. They seek to manipulate us...to seek to meet needs and wants we cut off. They deceive. They wheedle. And worse. This will not soon stop. If your story is like mine.</p><p></p><p>But you are saying this: No way. Not in my house. Not around me.</p><p></p><p>This gives him a shot. He knows he has a safe place to stand. If he chooses.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much for the chance to articulate where I stand. I doubt myself a lot. Because I miss the forest for the trees.</p><p></p><p>Actually, writing it out, I agree with me. And with you.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 733921, member: 18958"] Welcome. I am so so sorry. His is a sad story. But as we know life catches up with everybody sooner or later. It can never be a fantasy, which is what he is asking. For what it is worth, I think you did the only thing you could do in the circumstances. He was as if begging you to set a limit. To draw a line. With your action you told him: I stand for you. I will not help you live badly and destroy yourself, or anybody else. My spiritual director has told me over and over again, support requires resistance. By that she means we do not feel support and cannot truly support ourselves without pushing up against edges. Think about a chair. You gave your son that edge. To stop his free fall. You may have to do it over and over again by setting boundaries. It is for you. Yes. But him too. We have no control. They do what they want. They seek to manipulate us...to seek to meet needs and wants we cut off. They deceive. They wheedle. And worse. This will not soon stop. If your story is like mine. But you are saying this: No way. Not in my house. Not around me. This gives him a shot. He knows he has a safe place to stand. If he chooses. Thank you very much for the chance to articulate where I stand. I doubt myself a lot. Because I miss the forest for the trees. Actually, writing it out, I agree with me. And with you. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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Kicked out 18 yr old son today....how did I get here?
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