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Kicked son out
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 693760" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First off, your thread will do better if it's not on the bottom of an old, old thread. New threads get more attention.</p><p></p><p>Mods help???</p><p></p><p>I AM TIRED from three days out of town with (cough) lively two year old granddaughter but will try to answer a little then hopefully others will help me.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your sons deeds are causing you pain. They are on his shoulders, not yours. You gave him the best ypu could. There is no perfect parent, no need for guilt. Maybe he inherited some negative personality traits from his bio. Dad. Trust me, D NA is potent and if we are dealt a bad hand, we can still decide to do well in life. Your son is making poor choices. He is a man. He can get disability, welfare, food Stamps and help with housing. There is also help specifically for felons for finding jobs.Your son bears the shame here. Our kids are not us. We are two different people.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we love them, but if we don't detach once they fly off the rails then WE suffer and we didn't do anything wrong. You are not obligated to mommy any adult child forever. It makes them weaker and unmotivated to change. Since your son is a danger to you and anyone living with you, in my opinion taking him in again should not happen. He uses drugs? Drinks too much msybe? If so he finds funding for that. Too bad if his accommodations are not good. He is able bodied and can work. Some people can't and wish they could.</p><p></p><p>It is never good for us to live through our kids, even right path kids. Healthy kids grow up and move away and you are left with you. The difficult adult children who don't, can't seem to make good decisions and they wont accept help, inless it is a free roof in our home or our hard earned money. These adult kids keep eating our souls away. If you do not see a therapist to learn coping skills and to break your copdependency to your son you may both go down together. Why should you? You can't change another person if they don't let you help.</p><p></p><p>When you hit your own rock bottom, you won't feel guilty about the deeds of somebody else, even your son. A really good book I'd recommend is Codapendant No More by Melody Beatty or Beattie. It's in all stores/libraries. Helped me starty own climb.</p><p></p><p>It's time for you to take care of yourself. You are allowed to turn off your phone, not answer, give ypurself space...this may not stop unless you set and keep boundaries. He won't like boundaries and will try to guilt iyou. Be prepared and don't accept his manipulative lies about yourself. Not from him or anybody. In one ear. Out the other.</p><p></p><p>Others should join in Take care. It is hard, but you can prevail. Most of us did or are in that process. You're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 693760, member: 1550"] First off, your thread will do better if it's not on the bottom of an old, old thread. New threads get more attention. Mods help??? I AM TIRED from three days out of town with (cough) lively two year old granddaughter but will try to answer a little then hopefully others will help me. I am sorry your sons deeds are causing you pain. They are on his shoulders, not yours. You gave him the best ypu could. There is no perfect parent, no need for guilt. Maybe he inherited some negative personality traits from his bio. Dad. Trust me, D NA is potent and if we are dealt a bad hand, we can still decide to do well in life. Your son is making poor choices. He is a man. He can get disability, welfare, food Stamps and help with housing. There is also help specifically for felons for finding jobs.Your son bears the shame here. Our kids are not us. We are two different people. Yes, we love them, but if we don't detach once they fly off the rails then WE suffer and we didn't do anything wrong. You are not obligated to mommy any adult child forever. It makes them weaker and unmotivated to change. Since your son is a danger to you and anyone living with you, in my opinion taking him in again should not happen. He uses drugs? Drinks too much msybe? If so he finds funding for that. Too bad if his accommodations are not good. He is able bodied and can work. Some people can't and wish they could. It is never good for us to live through our kids, even right path kids. Healthy kids grow up and move away and you are left with you. The difficult adult children who don't, can't seem to make good decisions and they wont accept help, inless it is a free roof in our home or our hard earned money. These adult kids keep eating our souls away. If you do not see a therapist to learn coping skills and to break your copdependency to your son you may both go down together. Why should you? You can't change another person if they don't let you help. When you hit your own rock bottom, you won't feel guilty about the deeds of somebody else, even your son. A really good book I'd recommend is Codapendant No More by Melody Beatty or Beattie. It's in all stores/libraries. Helped me starty own climb. It's time for you to take care of yourself. You are allowed to turn off your phone, not answer, give ypurself space...this may not stop unless you set and keep boundaries. He won't like boundaries and will try to guilt iyou. Be prepared and don't accept his manipulative lies about yourself. Not from him or anybody. In one ear. Out the other. Others should join in Take care. It is hard, but you can prevail. Most of us did or are in that process. You're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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