Steely
Active Member
I am kinda a mess this week.
I am passing a kidney stone, and have a kidney infection - and I have to go up to Seattle on business early next week. I will be there a week sitting in meetings. I cannot cancel, as I already had to cancel the first set of meetings when H. died.
I am worried.
I am stressed that I will end up in the ER in Seattle if the kidney stone does not pass by then. (I have had 3 surgeries for kidney stones, I know the drill, unfortunately.) Although I have been alone in the hospital before in Dallas, so what is the difference?
I am worried that difficult child will be alone, and consequently that makes me worried about my house, plants, and dogs - and him. Bio-dad is on the outs lately, so there is little to no support.
And I am stressed about going to the NW, since every ounce and iota of the NW reminds me of H. Before she died, and she knew I would be in Seattle for business, we had arranged a get together when I got up there to celebrate my birthday. I mean, literally, every mountain, stream, ocean, street reminds me of H. She was the North West, she embodied it, I am sure her spirit resides there. I am concerned about being overcome with missing her when I am there - and then I will be all alone - without one source of my familiar comforts.
I know I will be OK. I always have been. There is nothing that will stop that pattern now. I guess I just worry that I will be miserable, physically or mentally the whole week I am there, and that things will fall apart here.
Just please send me as many good vibes as you can. Life seems so tough lately. Today was the first day I was really PO at H. for leaving me. I mean, stinking mad. How dare she leave me, when I have all this poo on my plate - and who in the hay is gonna take care of my dad when he gets sick again? Who is gonna have to deflect all of his manure he piles at me?
I know, anger is the whatever stage.......it still stinks.
Thanks.
Steely
I am passing a kidney stone, and have a kidney infection - and I have to go up to Seattle on business early next week. I will be there a week sitting in meetings. I cannot cancel, as I already had to cancel the first set of meetings when H. died.
I am worried.
I am stressed that I will end up in the ER in Seattle if the kidney stone does not pass by then. (I have had 3 surgeries for kidney stones, I know the drill, unfortunately.) Although I have been alone in the hospital before in Dallas, so what is the difference?
I am worried that difficult child will be alone, and consequently that makes me worried about my house, plants, and dogs - and him. Bio-dad is on the outs lately, so there is little to no support.
And I am stressed about going to the NW, since every ounce and iota of the NW reminds me of H. Before she died, and she knew I would be in Seattle for business, we had arranged a get together when I got up there to celebrate my birthday. I mean, literally, every mountain, stream, ocean, street reminds me of H. She was the North West, she embodied it, I am sure her spirit resides there. I am concerned about being overcome with missing her when I am there - and then I will be all alone - without one source of my familiar comforts.
I know I will be OK. I always have been. There is nothing that will stop that pattern now. I guess I just worry that I will be miserable, physically or mentally the whole week I am there, and that things will fall apart here.
Just please send me as many good vibes as you can. Life seems so tough lately. Today was the first day I was really PO at H. for leaving me. I mean, stinking mad. How dare she leave me, when I have all this poo on my plate - and who in the hay is gonna take care of my dad when he gets sick again? Who is gonna have to deflect all of his manure he piles at me?
I know, anger is the whatever stage.......it still stinks.
Thanks.
Steely