Kids' dad threatening to call CPS on me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    As if I didn't have enough on my plate right now, now he's starting in with the threats again. He had the kids this weekend. On Saturday night I get a nasty text from him cussing at me and asking me where the socks are that he just bought for difficult child 1. He bought them a few weeks ago, and she brought them home but somehow lost them. I don't know what she did with them. I assumed that she put them in the drawer when we got home. They weren't there nor are they in the car. I checked several times from top to bottom but I can not find them. I have no idea how she loses the things she does. It's just a part of her disability I guess. Anyway, I told him I looked for the socks but I couldn't find them. I also told him that he needed to stop cussing at me and giving me anxiety. He was directing his anger at the wrong person.

    I told him to make difficult child 1 accountable for her actions since she is after all fourteen years old and should be in charge of her own clothes. He then proceeded to tell me that his wife was on the phone with CPS turning me in for my house being so messy that I was unable to find a package of new socks. Even though I have nothing to hide, his threatening made my anxiety go up considerably. His assumption that my house is so darned messy that we cannot find anything is dead wrong. I just cleaned my house from top to bottom that day and my house is spotless. Still, my run in with social services in the past got me really nervous. Had they have come over (they didn't) they would have seen a perfectly clean house. I spoke to my mom and boyfriend about this and they both felt that he was bluffing the whole time. Still, I think it's terribly evil of him to play upon my anxiety the way he is doing. He knows how paranoid I am when it comes to CPS. He is making my anxiety go into overdrive and it's pissing me off. Now he has more ammunition to use against me should he decide to go to court and take away the kids from me. All over a damn package of socks. I wish I would stop letting him get at me the way he does. This man makes me SO angry!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Honey, if he calls CPS over missing socks... He will look like a lunatic.

    Messy house - CPS doesn't CARE (there is a HUGE difference between messy and filthy and I bet you know it!). Missing socks - as long as she has SOME socks, CPS doesn't CARE. And it's SUMMER. He's an idiot. I can see why he's an ex. Over SOCKS?! Sheesh.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, yeah - the threats & cussing? Lock those texts if you can... And make sure the court knows about them...
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I agree with Step. All this over a package of sock? Give me a break!!

    A house that needs a pick me up is not the sign of a house where kids need to be removed. I would bet that your X knows this, but is doing his best to play on your anxiety. I know that it's hard because he knows how to push your buttons and seems to be doing a pretty good job of it. Take a deep breath and think about it for a second. He thinks that CPS will take your kids away because your difficult child 1 lost a package of socks and he thinks that's your fault? Yeah. That makes alot of sense to me.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Absolutely hold on to those texts. They will come back to bite him in the a** in a big way! He's trying to manipulate you and get you to GIVE him the kids just so you don't have to "listen" to him. I know it's easier said than done but try really hard to find a mantra to use when he pushes your buttons. Something like "he's an idiot blowing smoke and the wind is heading HIS direction, not mine". Know what I mean??

    Sorry he's being such an jerk (don't want to use anything stronger). He knows your weaknesses all to well and knows which buttons to push. Time to turn those buttons off or at least diable them. Do NOT let him have the power.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I used to keep a journal of every harrassing phone call and in-person confrontation I had with my kids' dad (and there were a LOT). Kept a spiral notebook by the phone (this was before cell phones). Documentation is part of CYA and you can show it to a judge if things get ugly again.

    He's pushing your buttons, it's a control thing. Stay calm, and don't play into it. Ignore him as much as you can, and disengage from such conversations quickly. When my ex used to start cussing me out over the phone, I'd calmly say, "ok, I'm hanging up, now, goodbye" and hang up on him mid-sentence. It took lots of practice, but eventually, the button-pushing worked less and less on me. I knew he was just full of hot air (and much more).

    They're socks, for goodness sakes. Yeah, CPS would laugh.
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I sympathise. It rather reminds me of my ex-husband who, although he is now a reformed character who behaves towards me with impeccable civility and friendliness (now that he is remarried and has a biological child, his overriding obsession), behaved like this both when we were married and just after we were divorced - basically he would use anything, just anything, to get at me, provoke me, threaten me and generally behave like a wasp buzzing and buzzing around me to create maximum irritation.
    It's not about the socks, as you know. His threat is ridiculous. It's about a power game. Do you know why he is doing this now?
    What I found was that showing I was frightened was the worst possible reaction. You need to call his bluff, probably - but it is so wearing, wearying and damaging for the children... You need to stay calm, focused and detached. Easier said than done!! Let the storm pass, try not to let him get you riled up and anxious. I used to get upset all the time and it fed my husband's antics - but I was in a position where he could call the shots in his patriarchal country, alas. You are in a system where he does NOT have all the power.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Calm down, he doesn't have more ammunition against in the court; quite the opposite! You now have more ammunition against him. SAVE THE TEXTS! The next time you go to court (and there will be a next time with jerks like this) show the court this is what happens when I try to talk to him. Just make sure your side of the conversation looks very polite and reasonable.

    x tried the "I'm calling cps on you" threat on me once. It didn't work because I called them on myself first. I asked them about the situation he was so upset about and they assured me that cps wasn't going to do anything about that situation. I've called cps many times trying to get protection for difficult child 1 from x. They won't do anything and I've called reporting threats x had made to difficult child 1. Calling about socks will make him look like the idiot he is. They won't do anything. If it would ease your mind call them yourself; explain what is going on and they will tell you they won't do anything.

    Honey, next time he makes a stink about clothes he sent don't go looking for them. Its a waste of your time. Tell him I don't know where they are ask our daughter.

    We actually ended up in court over clothes. x was trying to keep everything we sent with difficult child 1 at his house so difficult child 1 wouldn't have anything to wear. Then he would accuse us of not providing difficult child 1 with clothes. We'd try to write our family name on the clothes and document everything sent. It was a huge mess. We don't send clothes anymore. X keeps clothes and toys for difficult child 1 at his house and we keep clothes and toys for difficult child 1 at our house. Nothing goes between the house except difficult child 1, his medications, and the clothes on his back. (x would do really nasty stuff like send toys home with difficult child 1 that he knew we didn't allow and tell difficult child 1 we'd throw ALL his toys away. The proof x presented to difficult child 1 that this was so was that we would throw away the contraband toy.)

    Trust me, I've been there, don't waste time looking for the socks.
  9. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Tell him "fine, do it". Also let him know that he'll get in more trouble calling in a false report. They know that exes do this to each other.
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    DITTO x8

    Yes it is. He is EVIL
    Yes he does and yet he still does it. WHY? See above - he's EVIL
    YAY! It's high time you get ****** off!
    Ah, er, uhm............NOT!
    Exactly why he does NOT have more ammunition.
    ((((HUGS)))) Me too Sweetie. It takes practice, but you'll get there.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    LOL. CPS will roll it's eyes...about it.
  12. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    My mother (estranged mother) called on us over a diaper rash. CPS did a cursory visit but she basically rolled her eyes. Socks is even more minor. I wouldn't lose one nanosecond of sleep over this. It will all work out. Oh yeah - and agree with the rest: document, document, document.
  13. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Oh I'm definitely saving all of his texts. I have plenty of ammunition against him with those. Still, just the mention of the word CPS and my anxiety goes into overdrive, even though I know his complaints aren't valid. I will try not to let him get to me so much.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Keep your cool and let him dig his own pit. It's obvious he's gonna trip sooner or later. And you already know what that pit is gonna be full of...
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    CPS shouldn't make you anxious. They can be your ally in this, because his threats are empty. If you really are anxious, call them yourself. Not to dob him in, just to ask for clarification. Let them know that they make you anxious even though you have a tidy house and have been cleared before. Crikey, if a missing pair of socks or an untidy house was sufficient grounds to remove kids, CPS would look like the pied piper of Hamelin, cornering the market on all the kids in existence!

  16. I am sorry that you are going through this but part of me had to laugh....from reading the replies it looks like many of us have had an ex threaten to call CPS over something trivial. I have never called CPS myself but I wonder if they have an automated response that goes something like, "Press #2 if you are calling to report something trivial regarding your ex." I called my ex's bluff and told him that when he made the call to make sure and list all the other moms on the street that were all guilty of the same "offense."

    Also the deal with the socks! I can relate to that too. For some reason my ex (more correctly his wife) has a really big issue about which clothes belong at his house....trivial, inexpensive clothes like underwear, etc...I am always getting the e-mail or text "where is the ______?" "You need to send back the blue underwear" LOL Like I am renting the kid's clothes out to the neighbors or something!

    Hope things have calmed down and that you are feeling better.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OMG, we had that problem too!

    And then later, the decent clothes we bought would forever vanish, and the kids came back in rags. No kidding. I rolled my eyes a LOT in those days...
  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    If you end up back in court, try and have the court order that all communication should go through a site like Our Family Wizard. Then the court will be able to look at each and every message he sends to you.
  19. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

  20. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Seriously.....that's no ammunition - what ammunition. Deep breaths, remain calm. He's a bonehead.