Kids, kids everywhere!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Just keep swimming, Jan 9, 2008.

  1. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Hi family,

    Sorry I haven't been on much lately. Our family has grown to 7 in our home since last Thursday! We now have an almost 6 yo foster daughter, 4 yo foster son and a 2 yo foster son, all sibs.

    They are adorable and sweet kiddos considering what they have been through. Bio mom has already lost custody of a 1 yo baby girl and is pregnant again and due in February!!

    Aly and Jayme are doing very well with the adjustments of having more kiddos here taking up mama's time. The kids adore Aly, she is sooooo big and tall to them and she plays with them non-stop. Jayme is a bit more reserved but loves having a roommate!

    Have any of you experienced foster or adoptive kiddos with something called "diffused attachment"? These darlings will go to anyone and I mean anyone and hug them and love on them and tell them they love them. On the one hand, it has made for the transition to our home easy, but on the other, I am pretty worried about them. We are telling them they can only hug those people we KNOW the names of, are friends or family. Telling them they need to stop and ask permission to hug those that are not close friends or family.

    Any other ideas or suggestions regarding starting healthy attachments?

    I am in the process of fast forward potty training the almost 6 yo so she can go to school for her first time! All 3 kiddos are very bright, but needs lots of work on social cues, skills, etc. They are more than willing to listen and learn, which makes it so nice for me!!

    Anyways, thanks for any suggestions and advice!

  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    That's a whole pack of little ones!! Bless you Vickie - you have a heart of gold. No advice, just some holymolies!!!! Hope things stay smooth during this transition for the three new little ones and the preexisting family!

  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">"diffused attachment"? These darlings will go to anyone and I mean anyone and hug them and love on them and tell them they love them. </div></div>

    "diffused attachment?"....Baloney.........we learned the hard way with Rob that kind of behavior is a major red flag for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

    I'm glad they are with you, Vickie. They don't know how good they have it.

    Fingers crossed.

  4. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member


    I am doing a whole lot of holy molies myself, LOL!!!! :smile:


    I agree with you. I am concerned with their attachment as well. CPS is like "awwww, look, they are bonding with you already" and I said "well, that's not really a good sign to tell someone you've known 5 minutes that you love them!" CLUELESS!!!!! :hammer:

    I am still enjoying this wonderful honeymoon stage and trying to gear up for when the "real" kiddos show up!! :devil:

  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Never heard of "diffused" attachment but the traits you describe sound very much like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to me. Either way, kids with attachment disorders are very difficult. I'm really surprised your agency would give you 3 kids with attachment issues with Aly's history. She needs so much attention and these three will need as much, if not more. If it gets to be too much please don't hesitate to say so. Your first concern has got to be your own.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I agree with Sue, it's a RED RED flag for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Kanga was like that when we got her, well you have seen where that has taken us...

    Vickie - you are a stronger woman than I, no way could I open my home to more difficult children. Bless you and good luck.
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You are a brave woman and deserve much more than a medal...

    I have nothing but Admiration for what you are attempting to do for for these kids...

    You know K started off with no social boundaries... would hug touch go to any one also??? She still does to some degree... It is a big concern still of ours.
    We constantly work on it with her Sensory and social boundaries...
    I know they are dealing with different things. I don't know why K does it Or started doing it... But it is hard... and scary. She touches people all of the time!!!
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Hey Dory (wasn't she the one in Finding Nemo who's mantra was "just keep swimming"?), kudos to you for fostering these kids.

    I have encountered kids that inappropriately touch/hug on several occasions at playgrounds while out with easy child 1 -- it is very disconcerting. I didn't realize that it was a symptom of attachment disorders. Generally in this situation when you look around for a parent/caregiver, there isn't one in evidence; sometimes an older sibling will be around.
  9. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member

    My 9 yo difficult child came to me with what they referred to as indiscriminant attachment. He was only 10 months old thou...wish I knew what I know now, I would have put him back on a bottle and held him for it, oh well. I did do alot of one on one time with him playing video games teaching rules/turn taking and that helped. I never felt he was full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) but he does have some issues. Personally I can't sort out those issues from the BiPolar (BP), he is alot less connected to us at times, I lean toward the BiPolar (BP) for that but who knows. It is hard and draining giving so much to so many but it has its rewards. I try to take one kid out alone for some 1 on 1 time. I would try to baby the 2 yo as much as you can. Good luch and enjoy.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm almost afraid to post -

    I was going to say I have no advice - just love for you, because you are such a great person, Mom, friend. But then I think WHOLEY MOLEY will she think I have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? :bag:

    So...anyway I'll just shake your hand and say GOOD JOB.


    Are you going to get the newborn in Feb?
  11. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member



    We are thinking about the newborn. I am really torn, would really like to keep all the kiddos together, but there is already a little sis being adopted by a different family. We can't keep this up anyways, what if this bio mom keeps popping them out? We'd end up with an overflowing house! We are leaning towards not taking the newborn, we are nearly out of room here as it is and I am up to my eyeballs with diapers as it is! LOL!!

  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! One suggestion: Social Stories by Carol Gray. These help you figure out situations that the kids may find themselves in and be able to adjust to them.

    There's also a website:
    which allows you to personalize the social story for a child. There's a sample that you can do in order to see if you want to subscribe (I haven't yet, money is super tight right now!), but my kids LOVED it when it came out with their hair/eye color, favorite foods, toys etc.

    You and husband are truly special people!

    Good luck!

  13. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    nvts, thanks for the link! I saw half-a-dozen books right off the bat that would be great for easy child 1. Bought the bedtime book since that's been a battle very often lately.