K's first party and someone showed up!!!

[totoro]

K has begged for a Birthday party for 2 years now, her Grandma has put it into her head that she "needs" a big party for all celebrations. I have tried to keep them low key. Part of the problem besides her being a difficult child and going Manic in almost any excitable situation, is the fact that her Birthday is July 2nd... so any get together is usually not an option due to every being gone or busy for the 4th.
So I planned this party as a Graduation from Kindergarten and an early Birthday, the weekend after they got done with school. We passed out the invites 2 weeks ago, I put our phone number and my e-mail. I think 17 invites.
I didn't realize it was also Father's Day...
NOT ONE RSVP!!!
I know she has friends... 4 of the kids told us they had to visit their Dad's for the weekend. 2 of the kids that we have had playdates with talked to us before school and actually told us they would come.
2 little boys threw the invites on the floor and told her they would not come...

So she was crying the week before, convinced no-one was coming. :sad-
very:
We also invited a couple of outside friends.
On the last day of school husband asked 2 of the kids if they were coming, both parents were shocked, they said they did not get the invites. One was going to be out of town and the other was the little boy who threw the invite, his Mom made him come!!! He had just been copying the other boy!!! ( He ended up having a great time)
So no one RSVP'd... but 3 kids actually showed up from school!!!
And you know what, this was perfect! We said the whole family could come, and with our other couple of friends it ended up being 12 kids total. From ages 2-8.
I made a ton of food... cupcakes with 2 kinds of frosting, coffee cake, tons of dips, salsa guacamole... tons of food.
We gave K an Anti-Anxiety before hand.
She was still the loudest and most hyper. But she had SO much fun... the party was supposed to go from 1-3 but every one stayed until 5!!! Which was fine.
K was a wreck today, we had to give her a PRN, 3 rages and incredibly violent. But she always is when she does something big the day before. It is the price we all pay...
N had fun as well.

I am so happy for K. Even though I am appalled at people's bad manner's for at least not e-mailing or calling! Even if only half of the kids brought them home!!! I mean don't these parents check the kids back packs???
I understand not being able to come. Her Birthday is just one of these days, it is always going to be hard.
I am SO proud of her, she didn't start freaking out until the end...

 

[Abbey]

RSVPing is a lost art. People just don't do it anymore. Anytime we have a party I always cut at least in half my expectation and cook for that amount.

I'm glad she had a good time!! Sometimes smaller is better.

Abbey

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I'm so glad she had a good time! Shame about the lack (absence) of responses. People inhale deeply sometimes.

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm so glad some children showed up!! I'm also glad she had a good time!!

 

[Tiapet]

I'm glad it went very well for you and k! I can commiserate with you over the party situation.

Last November I went through the same thing. It was awful. I threw a birthday party for my little dude. It was to be at the local ice skating rink which I thought would be a big deal (it was to us, something we normally would never do or could afford but had saved for) and hoped would be great for him since he hasn't really had birthday parties before we moved and now with the move it's been rough.

Last year was horrid year in school. Bad experience with teacher that trickled down to classmates and parents caused BIG problems and outcasting by classmates. I wanted THIS year to be special since it was new and things have been a bit better and his anxieties have gotten a little better and I thought this might foster some friendships/relationships with the kids and parents. Maybe it was a dumb move?

Anyway, we sent out 20 invitations because I had to pay for 10 kids mandatory for the party anyway and I knew to expect half at the very least to show. I got all of 4 calls! 1 was to say they would come and the other 3 to say they would not. Talk about out rage! I couldn't believe it. It was hard enough as you are NOT allowed to give out invitations at or through school. They MUST be mailed only here. How the heck do you do that? Who has every families address? Oh, if they "choose" to be listed in the school directory then you can find them but a good majority do not.

Ok so we have a decent teacher who knew little dude was suffering the effects of last year and had a little struggle. I asked, no I begged and pleaded could she please help us? She knew we were trying to foster the social struggle and anxities to get better and even though it was against the school rules agreed to at least put them in the Monday folder. Bad me. I should have never asked because it caused in outrage by other parents also asking for the same and then notice went home to all parents.

Anyway, longer story made short, in the end all of 4 kids out of 20 showed up. 3 who never even called to tell me. I had no idea how many really would or wouldn't show so I had made enough for 10 kids "incase" to have treat buckets (99cent store stuff and trading post stuff). The kids basically ignored him at the party and out on the rink. If his older sister was not there he would have had no one to skate with. Of course everyone had to sit together to have their pizza and ice cream.

Oh and during the game time I planned and we were playing, 2 of the kids actually said "do we have to do this?" Mind you, everyone got prizes too (3 a piece no less since so many didn't show)

I felt sooooo bad for difficult child. He was, however happy with the party and has nice memories of it simply because he "had the party and it was at the ice rink". Luckily how the kids treated him didn't effect him the way it effected me.

I wouldn't dare think twice about NOT responding to an RSVP ever. I know how important they are in planning and I was taught it was rude to not do so one way or another! I guess these days and times some people have just plain have forgotten their manners. Maybe THAT needs to be a class in school and not a class you go elsewhere to pay to be taught for the elite??? (taught to adults somehow since they have seem to have forgotten it as I can't imagine they weren't raised with it)

My 2 cents as this does get my goat. I have decided not to give difficult child# 2 a birthday party as this has been an ongoing thing in years past with lack of participation in parties anymore it seems. It truly is sad.

 

[hearts and roses]

I think a lot of people have become 'committment-phobes' and so they simply do not respond at all, yes or no. I hate that! It's so rude and disappointing, especially for a little kid!

But, I think smaller is better and I'm so glad that she had a great time. Yippee!

 

[TerryJ2]

I am so sorry about the lack of RSVPs. It is very irritating. We deal with-it, too.
3 kids is perfect!!!! Way To Go!
So sorry she had rages the day after. Sounds like you were prepared for it. {{hugs}}

 

[4sumrzn]

Oh......I'm so happy it turned out positive & K enjoyed her party!

 

[DammitJanet]

I hate this type of thing and its probably the reason we never had parties for the boys growing up! We tried it for Billy a few times when he was little with disastrous results and said no go for the other two.

I am not looking forward to it with Keyana at all. Her 2nd was a disaster in my mind but she adored it because she was the center of attention even though not one kid who was supposed to show up came. A few of the neighbors showed up when it was time to eat so she thought it was all good. Now Im sure as she gets older she will notice it more.

I have a feeling it will be different with Hailie. Her mom lives in her home town and has friends. Im sure lots of them have little kids so she will have playmates.

 

[ML]

I'm so glad the party was a success.

we've learned to plan small parties. difficult child picks 3 friends to come over. Last year we took them to the movies. If one of the kids can't make it, he gets to invite another. Good thing is that I know all of the parents from the past few years of school events so I make sure the call them and I also call to confirm.

This has worked out great.

ML

 

[Star*]

Toto,

Maybe (thinking like a difficult child parent) it was a blessing in disguise that only one showed up. We had a party for Dude where no one showed up but my friends. He was sad until they took into account NO children were there for him and made him feel doubly special.

When I did see the parents that didn't allow their kids to come to the shin-dig? I would toss my head back and say OMG I don't want to bore you with the details - then laugh and say I'm so sorry you missed it - everyone was having such a good time they forgot you weren't there. - THAT gets you some deer in the head light looks - and we made it sound for months afterwards like it was the EVENT of the season.

So I'm glad one kid showed up, and that K had a LARGE time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU K.
Love ya -
Auntie Star*

 

[totoro]

You know I will make both of them feel special on their Birthday from now on with out the party. Our own Party! Luckily N was born on Mother's Day!!! So lots going on. And K thinks the 4th is all about her... so I think if she ever actually has a real friend, maybe that kid can come and we will have our own party.
It is nice to know we on the board have shared this "experience".
It was actually funny, the one parent whose boy thew the invite, said sadly, "I wish we had gotten together sooner, this was so nice"
She brought all 3 of her boys and said no-one ever lets her bring all three of them. We have such a huge yard that I don't care!!! They had a blast!!!
The other thing was ALL of the kids played very well together, every parent made a comment about it.
Yeah, well maybe the Mentally Ill kid aint so bad!!!

 

[Star*]

Yeah, well maybe the Mentally Ill kid aint so bad!!!

Whomever says that she is?? They can, can...I am not allowed to post here what they can do. But it rhymes with

miss fly bass

She's BEAUTIFUL - and I have artwork to PROVE it hanging in my office!

 

[susiestar]

Totoro,

I am so happy K loved the party and had a FABULOUS time!!

I always include siblings and parents, just seems natural to me.

Just a couple of weeks ago only ONE child showed up for thank you's party. And we invited his ENTIRE class of 27 kids!!! Not even ONE RSVP, or can't come. Just no responses from any of hte kids. It infuriated me. I am sorry you had to deal with it too.

But it sounds like a wonderful party, and the right amount of kids.

Sorry about the next day "coming down" rages, we have had to pay that price too. Like you seem to, I found it a price I was willing to pay every year or two to have my child be SOOO HAPPY for a day.

You really are a super mom. K and N are blessed to have you and husband.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Totoro,

I'm so happy K had a wonderful time at her b-day party!!! It is so nice to see our kids enjoying themselves!!! It doesn't happen often enough!!!

I think I understand about the day after an exciting day - We went through horrible "melt-downs" with difficult child 1 following an exciting day. difficult child 1 was also extremely "hyper" during any kind of social event. In fact, he still gets "wound up" and he is now 17 yrs. old. At least we're finished with the day after "melt-downs." I hope K outgrows them in time too!!!

I don't know what is wrong with people!!! I would NEVER not respond to an invitation!!! It really infuriates me!!! We went through similar situations with parties for difficult child 1 and difficult child 2. I invited all the kids in both of their classes. Even when not many showed up, at least all my neighbors had small kids and brought them over. I also invited my difficult children young cousins and my friends' children. My difficult children never seemed to notice that not many kids from school were there.

Anyway, I'm glad K had such a great day!!! WFEN

 

[KTMom91]

I'm glad the party worked out...I can relate, though...we've had several years of parties like that. I tried different things, different places, but for the past five years or so we just combine family and a few friends at my mom's for a swim/birthday party.