L & M both moving - long

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, May 18, 2010.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You might remember that M got into a huge fight with his roommate the same day they moved into their apartment, and the roommate told him to move out. M holds a grudge like no one's business, and found it hard to let go. Everything is magnified in the negative for him. So, while we encouraged him to work it out, it never got better, and he was determined to move.

    He had lived with his roommate at his mom's house for several months, and had his tax return checks delivered there. Then he started harrassing her about them. Daily phone calls, texts, "Why are you holding out on me?" Blah blah blah. At first she hadn't received them. By the time she did she was so sick of him she just ignored him. So, he couldn't move because he needed the money to get out. I finally had husband call her and she said that yes, she had them somewhere, she was sick of M, but she would give them to husband. (Welcome to my world. I always wonder if people rethink what M has told them about us after they kick him out of their lives.)

    In the meantime, M is doing work/study at school and has met a couple who think he is the bees knees (they always do) who are older students there. They are going to Alaska for a work study program for the summer and are sub-letting an apartment to M until August. I'm mildly concerned but good with that. They're also giving him the keys to their car and letting him use it so long as he does upkeep. I'm totally not thrilled with that. I'm not as concerned about him wrecking it as I am about him not changing the oil and throwing the rods... Detach, detach, detach, detach...

    L called last night as we were coming home and talked to husband. I was washing up after our dog training class so I missed the first part of it. I come out and hear husband talking about one of the cemeteries in in town. I'm certain that one of my parents has died and I don't want to talk to L about it. I grieved them a long time ago and I don't need her to manipulate me into getting angry with her about what I do or don't feel. Then he goes on to talk to her for about 20 minutes. I was gonna kill him! Then he hangs up and says that she and her boyfriend had a mature talk (as if) and they agreed that since she wants kids and he doesn't (they talked about that the first week they were together over 6 years ago) she would leave and they were done. Now, L has left or been asked to leave every spring since the second year they were together. And she has gone back every autumn. We'll see how long this lasts. If she's really leaving him, there's already another man. If not, she'll be social networking for a date by this weekend.

    Detach, detach, detach, detach...
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Whew...thats a lot on your plate! So.. at least M will have a roof until August, good news on that front. Hope he remembers to check the oil. Might be tempted to text him every month...lol.

    L? Yeah this seems to be a cycle with her. What was up with the cemetery talk? husband ever tell you? If it had been my mom she would have been looking for a place to go steal a bunch of flowers...lol.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm not even sure what to say, Witz. Wow doesn't cover it.

    All you can do is detach.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, I almost forgot. The cemetery talks was that she is looking at an apartment next to a cemetery where half my family is buried. SHEESH! How can he think that this being the only identifying thing that I heard and I'm not going to think someone died?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Witz, men just don't think about stuff like that. It is part of them being a different species as far as I could tell. Heck, my husband had the kids convinced that if they didn't hold their breath as they walk/drive past a cemetery then they will be possessed by a ghost. FINALLY thank you is old enough to realize it isn't true. Both he and Jess have had MAJOR terrified meltdowns (usually at night while husband is asleep and will NOT wake up because he never does) because they were terrified because they forgot to hold their breath. I dealt with that for YEARS until Jess and thank you were each about 8-10 years old. It is a LARGE part of why my pcs are told that except on really serious (to MOM) issues, Daddy is largely for decoration.

    Men are strange.

    M sure can hold a grudge. I have also wondered if after people tire of my gfgbro if they rethink what he has said about me. He has ALWAYS got a group of people who think he is the greatest guy on earth. Even when he was a raging alcoholic the really nasty stuff was saved for family.

    Withholding the tax refund check is a MAJOR felony. If M is really angry ALL he has to do is tell the IRS that his landlady got his check and won't let him have it. It not only violates IRS related laws, it also violates laws related to mail and the Postal Service. If she is a PITA for husband then he might tell her that. IRS will issue a new check AND prosecute the landlady.

    NONE of these issues are YOUR problems. Yes, M is probably not responsible enough to really take care of either the car or the apartment. He probably is going to have some problems. IF you are feeling like it, you may want to offer advice later - IF he calls and BEGS for advice.

    L is same old same old. Boyfriend problem is tired of her. He has some problems because he has kept this bizarre relationship going. L will find another guy, probably several very soon. This is not your problem. It is nice of husband to chat with her, though NOT to keep you wondering about the cemetery thing. Maybe L really will find some guy with enough money to support her to have kids with. It IS a goal. Not a common one these days and not one she is really ready for the responsibility of. But that is HER problem.

    detach, detach, detach, detach. It really IS all you can do. Taking on these problems would not be good for you or them. I hope that they both finally have their acts together enough to handle this maturely.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Susie - he did tell the IRS. They told him he should ask her for it. They finally re-issued the check just in time for us to have picked up the first one. I don't know if he will be able to cash the first one or not. He says that if he cashes the first, the second will be non-payable. We had been listening to the phone calls which always devolved into the tax refund check issue for a month and I was sick of it. She must have been ten times as sick of it. I can't figure out why he can't see that the goal is to get the check, not to get the lady into trouble for keeping the check! husband told him that the lady was egging him on for being a pest and that he could get more flies with honey... I'm sure it fell upon deaf ears. The one thing I DID know was that he couldn't get another place without those checks, so if it took husband's pleasant personality to get the job done, that's what it took. I'm just glad that it is in the past. Hopefully he won't blow it on something stupid.

    Last year when her boyfriend kicked her out, L was on match.com within a week. She went out with at least 5 that her half-sister met. I met one of the guys and he was a total loser! He was like M, but a little older and with some money. But he was an egomaniac who quit his IT job with a mega corporation because they just weren't smart enough for him, yada yada yada. She even went down to Arizona to stay a week with him. He was creepy. But, of course, she ended up back with the boyfriend. The boyfriend she had hooked up with about 2 weeks before she left her old boyfriend, whom we really liked and really loved her, but he didn't have enough money for her.

    Like I always say, there's a reason that there is only one bed in our house. Our kids are not coming home. If they ever settle into their own lives, maybe we'll make a guestroom again. But not while they're still flying by the seat of their pants.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That no guestroom choice sounds like an excellent way to cut down on them pleading to move in with-you! Good Job!
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I always wonder the same thing. I ran into the mother of one of difficult child's childhood friends this morning and she told me that her difficult child wants to move with her boyfriend and hisfamily to Florida and she expects her mom to move with them because the difficult child can't bear to be so far from her...this woman was thinking the entire time, "Thank God, you're finally leaving!!" LOL - we both had a good belly laugh over the way our difficult children think! Only the parent of a difficult child can appreciate that feeling, I'm sure of it.

    Good for you that you're detachment skills are kicking in.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    FWIW, L's Facebook page still lists her "In a Relationship with boyfriend", and his says he's in a relationship with L. I wonder if he knows that they had a discussion and she's moving out "because he doesn't want kids..."