Labels

[HaoZi]

Yep, insurance companies love labels. Everything neatly labeled and filed, preferably a label that doesn't cost them too much even over a label that suits the person better.

The one thing I've seen in my experience is that the people sticking the ODD label on my kid - every one of them - not one of them speaks English as a first language. All of them are from places where societal expectations of children are to sit down, shut up, and blindly obey their elders. Kids are not to question or disobey even when they know better. This is why I'm really hoping the doctor we're consulting with Monday will be willing to do the extra testing I've been requesting for quite a while now - no trace of accent, definitely grew up in my country, where kids do question, are expected to disobey here and there, etc., without being labeled as "defiant" for things that kids do naturally to some degree as they test boundaries and rules, grow, and learn.
I realize that this is just my experience with these docs, but man, is it ever hard to find any doctor around here that's actually from the U.S. that takes her insurance!

 

[Malika]

Well, it does raise an interesting point about cultural perceptions of children's behaviour... In France, where I live, children are very highly "educated" and regimented, so my son's hyperactive behaviour in public is far more frowned upon than it is in, say, Morocco or Spain where people generally are much more tolerant of and genuinely affectionate towards small children. And, of course, parents are very blamed here for "out of control" children, as if it is a dog that has not been trained properly... Like most people here, probably, I have had a lot of these disapproving and advising comments, not least from my own family (one of my brothers announced to me that my son was "anti-social" when he was three years old because of his rushing around so loudly and tempestously... I guess the English middle class also goes in for a fair bit of inhibition and repression!
I understand that these perspectives come from people's ignorance... I was myself until fairly recently rather ignorant, feeling that my little boy's riotous and ill-disciplined behaviour was because I was not tough enough with him, because I am on my own with him, etc. But I now believe that my deepest instinct with him all along was actually right - getting tough with him just doesn't help and actually makes things a lot worse... I for one am ready to try what works!!

 

[HaoZi]

one of my brothers announced to me that my son was "anti-social" when he was three years old because of his rushing around so loudly and tempestously

I'd worry more about a 3 year old that's Type A rigid. Aren't 3 year olds supposed to run around madly and burn off all that energy?

 

[Malika]

Not in middle-class England

 

[HaoZi]

LOL. Luckily I'm American, mostly we expect our kids to "show some spirit and initiative, question the status quo, and act like a leader." I'd grant him dual-citizenship if I had the power, then you could just say "He's part American" and people would give you sympathy instead, lol.

 

[nvts]

Hi Malika! I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to pop in and say "hello and welcome!" You've gotten a lot of great advice...the easiest thing to do? Schedule any type of evaluations, testing, councelling, etc. that you possibly can. Take a look at all of the results and see what you think. Pop on here and let us know what you think, question, feel about the results and we'll help you with whatever we can.

Most of all...go with your gut. Since they won't medicate until he's 7 in France, you've got some wiggle room to really take a look at how things are flushing out with him. The Explosive Child is a fantastic resource for what you're dealing with at home.

I would take a look at the symptomology of high functioning autism/Aspergers Syndrome and store them in the back of your mind. Watch him when he's alone, at school and with his peers. Watching can really make a difference when you're trying to figure things out!

Again, welcome to the crowd - it's a great group and you'll have plenty of input from us. Sometimes it might just be a shoulder to lean on that comes in handy!

Beth

 

[Malika]

Thank you. Well, if nothing else (and there is much else!), discovering "The Explosive Child" alone makes finding this website worthwhile
I do feel somewhat in a tangle with all this labels business... Put simply, it is as clear as day to anyone and everyone - you don't have to be a doctor or psychologist! - that J, my son, is physically hyperactive, and has been since he started walking at nine months... even before then, actually On the other hand, he seems to have no discernible problems with concentration or attention and fits, more or less, into the conventional school system... and so, one might ask, where is the problem? Thus far, I don't really need to "know" that he has ADHD - though he really doesn't seem to have an attention deficit - but only that his character causes me problems because he is very inflexible and explosive when he is frustrated or thwarted...
And, wanting to state only my own view, I do find the idea of giving him heavy-duty psychiatric medecines very frightening... Here in Europe it does seem very much an either/or decision - you can if you want or feel it is really needed but lots of people seem to choose other routes with their ADHD children...

 

[nvts]

Ugh! I'm going through that right now with my oldest. These medications make me nervous too. A lot of us go through all of the testing and then research the appropriate interventions based on those. A lot of the time resistance to change, explosive issues, etc. can be addressed by physical, occupational or even speech therapies. My oldest was speaking in short sentences by 9 mos. Never ever thought he'd need speech. It now turns out that he's got cognitive speech delays that we NEVER knew about - so at 12, he's starting speech. Go figure!

I think it's safe to say, I'll never get it ALL right, so I'm shooting for the best I can do!

Beth